Bad, bad tips (you people will burn in hell)

I would really like someone to explain to me how it is okay to come into a restaurant at 10:30, order drinks, appetizers, entrees, and tip $1.97. Each of them had three drink refills, they waited for nothing, WHAT THE FUCK. Another fun one tonight is a teenage girl who just gets unlimited pasta (barf), and because her check is only $9.71, she finds it appropriate to tip me .29 cents. Why even bother?

Let me tell those of you who are unaware about the horrors of the "Unlimited Pasta" For a couple months of the year (mid-August to mid-October) Italian Restaurant does this horrible promotion where you can get any combination of pasta and sauce, plus soup or salad and bread, and unlimited refills on the pasta, soup or salad and bread, for only $8.95. Yeah, i'm sure you are excited, you're going to run out and take advantage of this amazing deal!! Well here's why servers fucking hate unlimited pasta.

First of all, Italian Restaurant managers and other ass-kissing brown nosers tell us we should be grateful for unlimited pasta because it brings in business during a slow time of year. Fuck that. The extra white-trash asshole clientele is not worth the bullshit. I digress.

This is basically a dinner version of soup and salad, only worse because people see pasta as "real food" (like most men wont order soup and salad cause it's not a real meal, but they fucking love unlimited pasta). They run commercials for it and it brings in three sets of people; 1) Big fat fatties who will gorge themselves until they are on the brink of vomiting (or a reversal of fortune for the pro eaters), 2) Stupid dipshit high schoolers who scrounged up $9 bucks from their sofa cushions, but otherwise have no income or concept of work or tipping 3) people who are essentially too poor to eat out but will make a special trip because they just can't pass up this awesome deal.

I got the $1.97 and the .29 cents (and not to forget my first table that I was stiffed on altogether), from some lovely number 2's. I have to wonder if it is karma because I am pretty sure that when me and the girls hit up Denny's in high school we left things like pennies in the shape of a heart and sticks of gum as tips, but seriously, I think I have been payed back for that like a million times over. I swear that as soon as my children are old enough that they may possibly end up in a situation where they pay their own bill at a restaurant, they will know how to tip. I seriously wanted to slap that .29 cent bitch and be like "do you know that this is my rent, my car payment, MY LIFE?" but alas, I would be jobless if I did that, which would not help in the paying of the rent.

So, non-serving types, which would you prefer?
1. Two people order two regular entrees at $13 bucks apiece. They get a couple bowls of salad or soup, their entrees, done. Check is at least $25 bucks, more if they get drinks or dessert, you're going to probably get at least $5 tip. At least.
2. Two people order pasta bowl. They get water and no appetizer or dessert because they can't afford to eat out anyway. Not only do you have to get them a couple salad or soup refills, they get a few refills on their pasta and of course get one more when they are stuffed to take home. Four or five times as many trips. Their check is less than $20, they leave you two or three bucks (again, they can't afford to eat out anyway). Not only did they tip you less for five times the work, they were sitting at your table twice as long gorging themselves on refills, so you missed out on a whole nother table because they were occupying yours**.

Hmmm, which shall I choose?!?!

Yes, I am just bitching like crazy tonight. I am angry. It was bad for everyone.

**A note on "camping." If anyone who isn't just a commiserating server reads this (unlikely), you should know that sitting at a table in a restaurant for a very long amount of time, especially after you have payed, is extremely rude. We are assigned certain tables (3 or 4, depending on the restaurant), and when you sit there for hours, you are literally costing your server money in lost tips from other tables they could have had there. So unless you are going to tip them equal to a whole nother check every hour, pay and get out!

Thanks for listening. Tomorrow is another day.