Well!! Three months later, here I still am. I would love to say I didn't post because I got this other sweet ass job that doesn't involve Service Evolution, but you all know that isn't true. You still see my sour-ass face in the kitchen on the daily. Okay I just got lazy, sorry! So here's a couple silly little stories to make it up to you. I should note that I haven't served in like a month, I've been doing To Go's because I was about to rip the face of the next guest who made a joke about grating cheese, so stories about tables are relayed second hand.
One of my coworkers answered the phone for me because I was unavailable. I see she is writing something down, so I assume it's an order and wait to ring it in when she's done. She has this confused/terrified smile on her face, and puts the call on hold
"this lady is really weird. She told me her name, and her husbands name, and what he is wearing, then said he wanted to place an order. I can't handle this."
Yay!! I pick up the call. Now I want you to imagine this lady's voice the way you might find someone explaining to a 4 year old how drive a car. VERY LOUDLY. VERY CLEARLY. VERY SLOWLY. PUT YOUR FOOT. ON THE BRAKE. OKAY....NOW, PUT. THE. CAR. IN. GEAR.
"Hello. My name is ANITA VERNON. My husband's name is TOM VERNON. That's V---E----R----N---O---N. He is wearing WORKMAN'S CLOTHES. A YELLOW SHIRT and WORKMAN'S JEANS. He is going to pick up the order. OKAY?"
"Okay...what would you like?"
"Oh, he usually takes the special, what is it?"
I describe the featured items
"No, no, he doesn't get the special. What does he get?"
"...I'm not sure ma'am. Do you know what comes on the dish?"
"Sausage"
"Well the only thing we have that comes with sausage is spaghetti with sausage, but you can add sausage to anything."
"No, it's not spaghetti. It's sausage."
"...what kind of sauce, red or white?"
"red."
I start reading every dish with red sauce
"No, no, it's a man dish."
"Is it the Trio of Italian dishes?"
"Yes! and I want the ravioli"
"Okay, was there anything else?
"No, that's it. It's for TOM VERNON, V--E--R--N--O--N. He's wearing WORKMANS' CLOTHES. He has BLONDE HAIR and BLUE EYES. And you're gonna have to say 'HEY, YOU'RE WIFE CALLED IN AN ORDER'."
"Okay, will do."
So, this is how, in my mind, this woman is envisioning what is going to be happening;
The restaurant is busy, very busy. There are packs of people rushing by on the street, some passing by, some coming in to dine. Tom Vernon, workman, has just come off shift. He is hungry, but has no plan for how he may satiate this need. He is shuffling past the open doors of the IR, weaving his way through the mass of alfredo-drunk fatties, his blonde hair rustling in the evening breeze. I am, of course, standing by the front doors looking out for people who's wifes may have placed to-go orders, unbeknownst to them. I see a man in workman's clothes, I see his blonde hair. I sense his desire for a 'man dish'. But I need more. How can I know if this is Tom? Tom Vernon, V-e-r-n-o-n? Just as I think I've got the wrong guy, he looks at me. Our eyes meet, and I see that they are blue. A wave of relief rushes through me, and I push my way through the morbidly obese guests in their motorized scooters. I grab Tom's arm just as he is about to pass us by. Our blue eyes lock and I say "Hey. Your wife placed an order." A broad smile stretches accross his face, and linking arms we return to the lobby to retrieve his order.
Man, good thing she described him in so much detail or I never would have found him! What a freak show!
On to the next. Another night, I am in the back room, which is closed most night, having some tasty treats. As I am getting up to return to the kitchen, I hear a crash. This is not even noteworthy, as crashes in restaurants are a semi-hourly occurance, but this one was followed by "FUCK YOU!!" I look in the direction of the sound and see a woman storming out of one of the smaller rooms towards the front doors. A server who was at a nearby table peaks around the corner, goes into the room and talks to someone, then comes to the kitchen.
"She just threw her entire meal on him" He relays
He gets a towel for the guy, and a few people who were in the alley and got wind of what happened find reasons to go out there and walk by to survey the damage, which is a guy covered head to waist in ziti. I head to the lobby to see what the hosts heard because the room where it happened is very close to them. As we are discussing it, the woman comes storming back in from outside. Just as she passes us, we hear the manager say over the headset "why didn't anyone tell me what's going on at table 93, did you know about this?" Behind me, the woman is right up in the guys face, screaming and wagging her index finger. The manager enters the room and the woman says "we're fine, we're fine" but the manger tells them they need to leave.
They immediately, and quietly, leave. They even managed to close out their check while she was outside and tip their server very very well. So everyone goes to him and asks what happened, were they a couple, were they fighting the whole meal?
Interestingly enough, they were probably his nicest, most polite table, The girl was with her boyfriend, her mom and her brother. It was the brother whom she threw her entire plate of dinner, AND her drink at. And on their way out of the restaurant, the mom said to the hosts "Just a little sibling rivalry."
Yeah cause I remember this one time, I was with my family at Red Lobster, and my little brother was like "mom said I was her favorite" and I was all "heeeeellllll no MOTHAFUCKAAAAAAA!!" and I slammed his head into my whole lobster, the shell slicing his face to bits. And my moms was all like "aw, you kids are too funny, I love you both the same!" and then the whole restaurant staff went "awwww" just like on Full House!!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Santa's 8 Douchebags
The holidays are over. All the love and joy people show towards one another at this magical time of year has ended. Unless you are lucky enough to work in the customer service industry, in which case there never was any love or joy displayed towards you, so you don't really have occasion to miss it. It may come as a surprise to you that rather than people being kinder and more understanding to service industry personelle around the holidays, customers are actually even bigger douchebags than normal. They are more demanding, less understanding and less generous about 80% of the time. Thank baby Jesus that the other 20% actually throw us some holiday spirit and a couple extra bucks, otherwise we might all flip our shit and go hunt bad tippers down, dressed as Santa and weilding a very pointy candy cane.
A couple years ago I had a table around Christmas time that was a two top, parents that had been out shopping for their kids. At the end of their meal they let me know that they wished they could tip more, it's just that they have 7 children and have to buy a lot of gifts, then left me like 2 or 3 bucks on a $50 bill. What I said was "oh my gosh, don't worry about it, I totally understand!" But what I was thinking was "oh my gosh, did I make you guys bone eachother without protection at least 7 times and refuse to let him pull out? No, I did not. McDonalds is across the street, go there if you can't afford to tip. And while you're at it, swing over to 7-11 and pick up a condom." The holidays are a tough time financially, yes. But you know what? Your server is also having a tough time. If you can't afford to tip, please eat somewhere without sitdown service so that they can have a table that does intend on tipping decently.
But hey, at least that table wasn't a jerk on top of it. To show you what I mean, I present to you the 8 douchebags that took over guiding Santa's sleigh this year, in chronological order starting the day before Christmas eve and ending last night. Ho. Ho. Ho.
1. A couple days before Christmas, someone breaks the window of one of my coworkers cars while he is asleep in his apartment, stealing all the toys he bought for his 3 year old son, which he was hiding from him in the vehicle so Santa could bring them Christmas night. DOUCHE.
2. A 5 top walks into the restaurant, hosted by a woman hovering around 500 pounds and including some children and an elderly woman. The lobby is packed. They are informed the wait for their party will be 40 to 45 minutes. 30 minutes later, she comes up to the hosts, stark raving mad, asking what is taking so long, stating that the elderly woman in her party can't wait that long, she can hardly stand, and citing other parties that arrived after them and were already seated. Of course they were two tops, which can fit at any table, while theirs requires a larger table since it's a larger party. The host explains this to her, and she yells that 5 isn't a large party. She can see an open booth, and requests they be sat there, the kids can all squeeze on one side. The host doesn't want to point out to her that a woman of her size definitely could not fit in a booth, and says that she cannot seat her before other parties of the same size that arrived first. The lady flips out, starts yelling for a manager, making a scene. When the manager (crazy GM) gets up to the lobby, angry lady demands the number for corporate, then delares "and I want your name! (points to GM) and her name! (points to a host) And her name! (points to another host)" and so on until she has pointed at every employee in the lobby, claiming they will all be reported. GM finds an emergency spot to seat them right away. The host takes them back to the table, and after getting the elderly woman seated, angry lady yells "Can't you see she's having a heart attack!! Go get her a glass of water, stupid!!" which the host does, it no hurried manner. They are rude to their waitress, their entire meal is comped, and they do not tip. DOUCHE. It's the busiest time of the year for retail, which spills over into restaurants that are located near shopping centers, such as we are. So you should expect it to be busy, and furthermore, if the host tells you it will be 45 minutes, it will probably be 45 minutes. If grandma can't hang, take her somewhere else. We can't just give exceptions to everyone who claims they can't wait and need to be seated right away. Then it would be "I have small kids,they can't wait!" "I have an old lady, she can't wait!" my son has a broken foot, he can't wait!" "I'm really hungry, I can't wait!" and then how do we decide who can't wait even more and should be sat first? That's why it's first come, first served. And don't act like we are withholding food from you or your loved ones, there are ten bajillion other places you can aquire food if you don't want to wait, get a grip.
3.Myself and another server have a 9 top, seems like maybe mom, her daughters, and daughters boyfriends or something. The adults at the table each have two drinks, and we're talking fancy martinis, 8 bucks a pop. One guy even gets a free margarita because the other server accidentaly rang it up and since it was made and would just be thrown away, we gave it to him on the house rather than waste it. The check was split 4 ways, each one with the 18% gratuity that is added to parties of 8 or more, which is written in the menu, and I believe to be common knowledge. Big party=gratuity. So I take the check from one of the guys, the one who got a free drink. His check is 82 and some change, he has a $25 gift card and $45 cash. I figure he must have thought there was more on his gift card, print out a check showing his payments and his remaining balance of $12 and bring it back to him. I discreetly show him the check and let him know he still owes some money. All douchebaggy and loudly, he holds up the check, points to the gratuity, which is $11 something and says "And what's this 11.58?" which really meant "I don't want to tip you so I didn't put enough money in to cover the gratuity and was hoping you would just realize that I didn't intend on paying it." DOUCHE.
Technically, the gratuity is optional. Technically, you can have it taken off, since we can't force someone to tip us (unfortunately). But I was already pretty miffed about the 3 dollar tip I just got on my 7 top's $85 dollar check, so I wasn't about to let it go that easily. And it wouldn't just be me losing the tip, half of that belonged to my room partner. So instead of saying what the management would probably require, which is "we add an 18% gratuity on parties of 8 or more for your convenience, however it can be adjusted or taken off entirely if you would prefer," I said "It's automatic gratuity." And walked away. My plan was to make my roomie go collect the rest of it from him, seeing as she's way more of a badass than I am and could probably have squeezed it out of him more efficiently, but luckily I didn't have to because he brought me a 20 and I got him some change. We didn't get anything extra on that table, but damnit we got our full gratuity, and I didn't let that douche nozzle push me around!
4. I am doing to go orders and the phone rings.
"Thank you for calling the Italian Restaurant in City, this is Waitress, how can I help you?"
"Yes, what is your wait for 5?"
"It's about 35 to 45 minutes"
"Okay, please put me on the list, the name is doucheface"
"I apologize, sir, we don't do call ahead seating."
"You're kidding me!"
"No, sorry."
"You don't take reservations?!"
"We do take reservations on weekdays for large parties, but if you wanted to come in now that is call ahead seating, which we do not do."
"That is rediculous. So, I'm out here in the parking lot in my car, and you're telling me I have to walk in the rain and come inside just to get my name on the list?"
"yes."
"I can't believe that. I want to talk to your manager!"
I let the managers know the situation, and crazy GM jumped on it. I thought she was going to put his name on the list, since she kisses guests asses (such as the angry lady mentioned prior, who she gave a free meal to for basically nothing other than the lady was a bitch), so I went and found her after she was off the phone to see what happened. She relayed that she held fast to our policy, he said that was completely insane and doubted that she was even the manager. When she told him she was in fact the general manager of the restaurant, he told her that she's "too young to run a restaurant" based soley on hearing her on the phone. And when she told him she is 40 years old, he still didn't believe her, and said he wanted to come inside and talk to her face to face. She said "If you want to come inside and have a discussion with me about our policy that's fine, but if you're going to come inside just to yell at me I will ask you to leave. I have heard your opinion on this subject already." He decided against coming inside, or eating there at all (thank god) but did make sure to tell her that she's stupid, selfish, and doesn't know anything before hanging up. And this was all because he didn't want to walk 50 yards in the rain in Washington state. DOUCHE.
5. I am on the phone taking a largish to go order when the other line starts ringing. Usually if i am towards the end of taking an order, it's easier to just let the other line ring a bit and try to finish up before I grab it. Sometimes one of my awesome coworkers will grab the other line and put it on hold for me. In this case, the other line rang several times and then they hung up. I finished with my order, and right after I hung up, the phone rang again.
"Thank you for calling the Italian Restaurant in City, this is Waitress how can I help you?"
"You can start by answering the phone faster next time!"
I start to apologize and let them know that I was on the other line assisting another guest, but they just hang up. That's all. I don't even know what they wanted. Maybe to place an order, maybe to inquire about the wait, or when we close, no idea. But whatever it was, they were so incredibly infuriated that I wasn't able to answer the phone fast enough that not only did they decide that they no longer wanted whatever they originally called for, but wanted to call back, presumably to make sure they had the right phone number, and then just to be a jerk and then hang up. DOUCHE.
I understand that a lot of people never work in the service industry at any point in their lives, and maybe don't have a lot of insight into why one may not be able to answer the phone right away in a large chain restaurant such as the IR. I would hope they would assume that the person responsible for answering the phone was very busy, or not near the phone, or on the other line, etc. I don't think that my first thought would be "They are lazy or don't care about my call" and become so infuriated that I decided to boycott them for the remainder of that night. Oh and also call back to make a snarky remark and hang up on them. seems like a waste of time and energy to me, but whatevs.
6. Same night as the previous 2, I am pretty busy with to go orders, and the restaurant is extremely busy. A little earlier I had been talking to a coworker about douchy to go people, and how sometimes people will ask me to bring their order out to their car, which is not a service we offer. I have done it before if I wasn't too busy and was feeling charitable, and the reason was always they had a baby or small child sleeping in the car and didn't want to disturb them by bringing them inside, an obviously can't leave them in the car. Oh, and once because a lady had her kitty who had just been spayed in the car and didn't want to leave her, precious. And these people had always, when placing the order, first let me know about their situation and asked if I could do carside service before placing their order. Anyway, I am trying to do like 3 things at once when the phone rings.
"Thank you for calling the Italian Restaurant in City, this is Waitress how can I help you?"
"Yes, I placed an order earlier for pickup? I'm here, but I can't get out of my car, can you bring it to me?"
"I'm sorry but I am very very busy right now, I really can't go outside."
"Oh, really...oh I don't know what to do then..."
Now, as much as I talk a lot of shit, I am horrible at saying no. Unless there is some policy for me to be backed up with (such as no call ahead seating for anyone ever) I am likely to cave under pressure.
"well...are you parked in a to go space?"
"There aren't any open, I'm going to park in a handicap space."
So I got the make and color of her car and told her someone would bring it to her but it may be a little bit, to which she said "okay" all bitchy like she was annoyed it would be awhile for us to give her a service we dont offer!! DOUCHE!
Eventually one of the managers took it to her, and she hopped out of the car and walked a few feet to take it from her, obviously not physically limited in any way.
7. Same night, starting to finally slow down. Phone rings. The lady says "I don't know if I need to talk to a manager or what but I have a complaint." So I grab a manager of course, and, of course, inquire after as to what the problem was. Bitch Manager (who is about to go on maternity leave thank God) said that they were upset because they forgot their boxed up leftovers and when they came back a few minutes later found that the table had already been bussed and reset and the food thrown out. She told them she was sorry that happened, but also happy that her bussers were doing their job so efficiently. She got their info to send them a gift card of course, and that was that. I was in the breakroom and telling a couple people about how dumb that is that people get mad at us because they forgot their stuff, and a busser that was in there said it was him who tossed the food, and that he's been feeling really guilty about it. Apparently, the Dad came back a few minutes after they left, after the busser had quickly cleared and reset the table, which is his job, and asked where their boxes were. He told him that it had been thrown out, and the guy was pissed. "My kids barely touched their food, and you just threw it away? Now they don't have any dinner!" He apologized, explained that we are very busy and must turn tables very quickly. Even offered to have the kitchen remake it for him, but he said he didn't have time for that and left, leaving the busser feeling responsible for his kids not having dinner. DOUCHE. Then after he made the busser feel like shit, his wife called to try and make the manager feel like shit. Hey, you're an adult, watch your shit. People leave boxes full of food on their tables constantly, we cant have some giant fridge full of boxed up food and try and keep track of what table and what time and what dish so you can come retrieve it when your brat child decides they want their noodles now. If you left a bag of potatoes on the bottom of your shopping cart at the grocery store, would you get mad if you came back later and they weren't sitting right where you left them, or tucked away with a note that said "3rd cart in on the cart return, 3:30" and furthermore accuse the cart attendant who put them back of starving your children? No, you would realize that you're an adult responsible for your own shit and if you lose it, that's your issue.
8. The final douche is a common breed. We only take reservations for parties of 8 or more. He calls and wants to make a reservation for 6 people at 5pm.
"I'm sorry, we only take them for parties of 8 or more, for a party of 6 you'll just come on in and put your name on the list"
"Okay, then I would like to make a reservation for a party of 8 at 5"
"Hold one moment please"
I just need a minute to decide what to do with this fucker, and consult a manager as to what they want me to do. If I could, I would tell him what happens when jerks like him lie and say they have 8 when they don't. I would tell him that each server gets three tables as their section, and on busy nights every section is assigned. If a party is 8 or more two servers have to be on it to ensure they get good service. Since none of our tables can seat more than 7 people, two tables, belonging to two servers, will be pushed together for his reservation, and when only 6 show up, they will have to decide which one of them is going to take it since they can't add gratuity and there is no point to sharing such a small party. This leaves one server with only two tables for the duration of your meal. And since a bigger party takes more time, and the restaurant is busy which means food takes longer, and tables take longer to turn, that server will have only two tables for at least an hour, or maybe two hours. And this literally costs them money in lost tips. Maybe two decent tables that they could have made 20-40 bucks from. So because you are rude and selfish and can't be bothered to wait for a table like the rest of the population, another person will lose money that they need to pay their morgtgage and feed their kids. And this makes you a DOUCHE. However, BM told me to just take the "reservation" because it's not worth calling him out, but I made sure to tell them it was really 6 so they wouldn't use 2 tables.
"HEY, PEOPLE! THIS IS THE EARTH CALLING! NEWSFLASH; I DON'T, I REPEAT, I DO NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU! THERE'S THIS FIREY BALL, MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF IT? THE SUN? YEAH THAT'S PRETTY MUCH MY FOCUS.HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS ASSHOLES!!!"
A couple years ago I had a table around Christmas time that was a two top, parents that had been out shopping for their kids. At the end of their meal they let me know that they wished they could tip more, it's just that they have 7 children and have to buy a lot of gifts, then left me like 2 or 3 bucks on a $50 bill. What I said was "oh my gosh, don't worry about it, I totally understand!" But what I was thinking was "oh my gosh, did I make you guys bone eachother without protection at least 7 times and refuse to let him pull out? No, I did not. McDonalds is across the street, go there if you can't afford to tip. And while you're at it, swing over to 7-11 and pick up a condom." The holidays are a tough time financially, yes. But you know what? Your server is also having a tough time. If you can't afford to tip, please eat somewhere without sitdown service so that they can have a table that does intend on tipping decently.
But hey, at least that table wasn't a jerk on top of it. To show you what I mean, I present to you the 8 douchebags that took over guiding Santa's sleigh this year, in chronological order starting the day before Christmas eve and ending last night. Ho. Ho. Ho.
1. A couple days before Christmas, someone breaks the window of one of my coworkers cars while he is asleep in his apartment, stealing all the toys he bought for his 3 year old son, which he was hiding from him in the vehicle so Santa could bring them Christmas night. DOUCHE.
2. A 5 top walks into the restaurant, hosted by a woman hovering around 500 pounds and including some children and an elderly woman. The lobby is packed. They are informed the wait for their party will be 40 to 45 minutes. 30 minutes later, she comes up to the hosts, stark raving mad, asking what is taking so long, stating that the elderly woman in her party can't wait that long, she can hardly stand, and citing other parties that arrived after them and were already seated. Of course they were two tops, which can fit at any table, while theirs requires a larger table since it's a larger party. The host explains this to her, and she yells that 5 isn't a large party. She can see an open booth, and requests they be sat there, the kids can all squeeze on one side. The host doesn't want to point out to her that a woman of her size definitely could not fit in a booth, and says that she cannot seat her before other parties of the same size that arrived first. The lady flips out, starts yelling for a manager, making a scene. When the manager (crazy GM) gets up to the lobby, angry lady demands the number for corporate, then delares "and I want your name! (points to GM) and her name! (points to a host) And her name! (points to another host)" and so on until she has pointed at every employee in the lobby, claiming they will all be reported. GM finds an emergency spot to seat them right away. The host takes them back to the table, and after getting the elderly woman seated, angry lady yells "Can't you see she's having a heart attack!! Go get her a glass of water, stupid!!" which the host does, it no hurried manner. They are rude to their waitress, their entire meal is comped, and they do not tip. DOUCHE. It's the busiest time of the year for retail, which spills over into restaurants that are located near shopping centers, such as we are. So you should expect it to be busy, and furthermore, if the host tells you it will be 45 minutes, it will probably be 45 minutes. If grandma can't hang, take her somewhere else. We can't just give exceptions to everyone who claims they can't wait and need to be seated right away. Then it would be "I have small kids,they can't wait!" "I have an old lady, she can't wait!" my son has a broken foot, he can't wait!" "I'm really hungry, I can't wait!" and then how do we decide who can't wait even more and should be sat first? That's why it's first come, first served. And don't act like we are withholding food from you or your loved ones, there are ten bajillion other places you can aquire food if you don't want to wait, get a grip.
3.Myself and another server have a 9 top, seems like maybe mom, her daughters, and daughters boyfriends or something. The adults at the table each have two drinks, and we're talking fancy martinis, 8 bucks a pop. One guy even gets a free margarita because the other server accidentaly rang it up and since it was made and would just be thrown away, we gave it to him on the house rather than waste it. The check was split 4 ways, each one with the 18% gratuity that is added to parties of 8 or more, which is written in the menu, and I believe to be common knowledge. Big party=gratuity. So I take the check from one of the guys, the one who got a free drink. His check is 82 and some change, he has a $25 gift card and $45 cash. I figure he must have thought there was more on his gift card, print out a check showing his payments and his remaining balance of $12 and bring it back to him. I discreetly show him the check and let him know he still owes some money. All douchebaggy and loudly, he holds up the check, points to the gratuity, which is $11 something and says "And what's this 11.58?" which really meant "I don't want to tip you so I didn't put enough money in to cover the gratuity and was hoping you would just realize that I didn't intend on paying it." DOUCHE.
Technically, the gratuity is optional. Technically, you can have it taken off, since we can't force someone to tip us (unfortunately). But I was already pretty miffed about the 3 dollar tip I just got on my 7 top's $85 dollar check, so I wasn't about to let it go that easily. And it wouldn't just be me losing the tip, half of that belonged to my room partner. So instead of saying what the management would probably require, which is "we add an 18% gratuity on parties of 8 or more for your convenience, however it can be adjusted or taken off entirely if you would prefer," I said "It's automatic gratuity." And walked away. My plan was to make my roomie go collect the rest of it from him, seeing as she's way more of a badass than I am and could probably have squeezed it out of him more efficiently, but luckily I didn't have to because he brought me a 20 and I got him some change. We didn't get anything extra on that table, but damnit we got our full gratuity, and I didn't let that douche nozzle push me around!
4. I am doing to go orders and the phone rings.
"Thank you for calling the Italian Restaurant in City, this is Waitress, how can I help you?"
"Yes, what is your wait for 5?"
"It's about 35 to 45 minutes"
"Okay, please put me on the list, the name is doucheface"
"I apologize, sir, we don't do call ahead seating."
"You're kidding me!"
"No, sorry."
"You don't take reservations?!"
"We do take reservations on weekdays for large parties, but if you wanted to come in now that is call ahead seating, which we do not do."
"That is rediculous. So, I'm out here in the parking lot in my car, and you're telling me I have to walk in the rain and come inside just to get my name on the list?"
"yes."
"I can't believe that. I want to talk to your manager!"
I let the managers know the situation, and crazy GM jumped on it. I thought she was going to put his name on the list, since she kisses guests asses (such as the angry lady mentioned prior, who she gave a free meal to for basically nothing other than the lady was a bitch), so I went and found her after she was off the phone to see what happened. She relayed that she held fast to our policy, he said that was completely insane and doubted that she was even the manager. When she told him she was in fact the general manager of the restaurant, he told her that she's "too young to run a restaurant" based soley on hearing her on the phone. And when she told him she is 40 years old, he still didn't believe her, and said he wanted to come inside and talk to her face to face. She said "If you want to come inside and have a discussion with me about our policy that's fine, but if you're going to come inside just to yell at me I will ask you to leave. I have heard your opinion on this subject already." He decided against coming inside, or eating there at all (thank god) but did make sure to tell her that she's stupid, selfish, and doesn't know anything before hanging up. And this was all because he didn't want to walk 50 yards in the rain in Washington state. DOUCHE.
5. I am on the phone taking a largish to go order when the other line starts ringing. Usually if i am towards the end of taking an order, it's easier to just let the other line ring a bit and try to finish up before I grab it. Sometimes one of my awesome coworkers will grab the other line and put it on hold for me. In this case, the other line rang several times and then they hung up. I finished with my order, and right after I hung up, the phone rang again.
"Thank you for calling the Italian Restaurant in City, this is Waitress how can I help you?"
"You can start by answering the phone faster next time!"
I start to apologize and let them know that I was on the other line assisting another guest, but they just hang up. That's all. I don't even know what they wanted. Maybe to place an order, maybe to inquire about the wait, or when we close, no idea. But whatever it was, they were so incredibly infuriated that I wasn't able to answer the phone fast enough that not only did they decide that they no longer wanted whatever they originally called for, but wanted to call back, presumably to make sure they had the right phone number, and then just to be a jerk and then hang up. DOUCHE.
I understand that a lot of people never work in the service industry at any point in their lives, and maybe don't have a lot of insight into why one may not be able to answer the phone right away in a large chain restaurant such as the IR. I would hope they would assume that the person responsible for answering the phone was very busy, or not near the phone, or on the other line, etc. I don't think that my first thought would be "They are lazy or don't care about my call" and become so infuriated that I decided to boycott them for the remainder of that night. Oh and also call back to make a snarky remark and hang up on them. seems like a waste of time and energy to me, but whatevs.
6. Same night as the previous 2, I am pretty busy with to go orders, and the restaurant is extremely busy. A little earlier I had been talking to a coworker about douchy to go people, and how sometimes people will ask me to bring their order out to their car, which is not a service we offer. I have done it before if I wasn't too busy and was feeling charitable, and the reason was always they had a baby or small child sleeping in the car and didn't want to disturb them by bringing them inside, an obviously can't leave them in the car. Oh, and once because a lady had her kitty who had just been spayed in the car and didn't want to leave her, precious. And these people had always, when placing the order, first let me know about their situation and asked if I could do carside service before placing their order. Anyway, I am trying to do like 3 things at once when the phone rings.
"Thank you for calling the Italian Restaurant in City, this is Waitress how can I help you?"
"Yes, I placed an order earlier for pickup? I'm here, but I can't get out of my car, can you bring it to me?"
"I'm sorry but I am very very busy right now, I really can't go outside."
"Oh, really...oh I don't know what to do then..."
Now, as much as I talk a lot of shit, I am horrible at saying no. Unless there is some policy for me to be backed up with (such as no call ahead seating for anyone ever) I am likely to cave under pressure.
"well...are you parked in a to go space?"
"There aren't any open, I'm going to park in a handicap space."
So I got the make and color of her car and told her someone would bring it to her but it may be a little bit, to which she said "okay" all bitchy like she was annoyed it would be awhile for us to give her a service we dont offer!! DOUCHE!
Eventually one of the managers took it to her, and she hopped out of the car and walked a few feet to take it from her, obviously not physically limited in any way.
7. Same night, starting to finally slow down. Phone rings. The lady says "I don't know if I need to talk to a manager or what but I have a complaint." So I grab a manager of course, and, of course, inquire after as to what the problem was. Bitch Manager (who is about to go on maternity leave thank God) said that they were upset because they forgot their boxed up leftovers and when they came back a few minutes later found that the table had already been bussed and reset and the food thrown out. She told them she was sorry that happened, but also happy that her bussers were doing their job so efficiently. She got their info to send them a gift card of course, and that was that. I was in the breakroom and telling a couple people about how dumb that is that people get mad at us because they forgot their stuff, and a busser that was in there said it was him who tossed the food, and that he's been feeling really guilty about it. Apparently, the Dad came back a few minutes after they left, after the busser had quickly cleared and reset the table, which is his job, and asked where their boxes were. He told him that it had been thrown out, and the guy was pissed. "My kids barely touched their food, and you just threw it away? Now they don't have any dinner!" He apologized, explained that we are very busy and must turn tables very quickly. Even offered to have the kitchen remake it for him, but he said he didn't have time for that and left, leaving the busser feeling responsible for his kids not having dinner. DOUCHE. Then after he made the busser feel like shit, his wife called to try and make the manager feel like shit. Hey, you're an adult, watch your shit. People leave boxes full of food on their tables constantly, we cant have some giant fridge full of boxed up food and try and keep track of what table and what time and what dish so you can come retrieve it when your brat child decides they want their noodles now. If you left a bag of potatoes on the bottom of your shopping cart at the grocery store, would you get mad if you came back later and they weren't sitting right where you left them, or tucked away with a note that said "3rd cart in on the cart return, 3:30" and furthermore accuse the cart attendant who put them back of starving your children? No, you would realize that you're an adult responsible for your own shit and if you lose it, that's your issue.
8. The final douche is a common breed. We only take reservations for parties of 8 or more. He calls and wants to make a reservation for 6 people at 5pm.
"I'm sorry, we only take them for parties of 8 or more, for a party of 6 you'll just come on in and put your name on the list"
"Okay, then I would like to make a reservation for a party of 8 at 5"
"Hold one moment please"
I just need a minute to decide what to do with this fucker, and consult a manager as to what they want me to do. If I could, I would tell him what happens when jerks like him lie and say they have 8 when they don't. I would tell him that each server gets three tables as their section, and on busy nights every section is assigned. If a party is 8 or more two servers have to be on it to ensure they get good service. Since none of our tables can seat more than 7 people, two tables, belonging to two servers, will be pushed together for his reservation, and when only 6 show up, they will have to decide which one of them is going to take it since they can't add gratuity and there is no point to sharing such a small party. This leaves one server with only two tables for the duration of your meal. And since a bigger party takes more time, and the restaurant is busy which means food takes longer, and tables take longer to turn, that server will have only two tables for at least an hour, or maybe two hours. And this literally costs them money in lost tips. Maybe two decent tables that they could have made 20-40 bucks from. So because you are rude and selfish and can't be bothered to wait for a table like the rest of the population, another person will lose money that they need to pay their morgtgage and feed their kids. And this makes you a DOUCHE. However, BM told me to just take the "reservation" because it's not worth calling him out, but I made sure to tell them it was really 6 so they wouldn't use 2 tables.
"HEY, PEOPLE! THIS IS THE EARTH CALLING! NEWSFLASH; I DON'T, I REPEAT, I DO NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU! THERE'S THIS FIREY BALL, MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF IT? THE SUN? YEAH THAT'S PRETTY MUCH MY FOCUS.HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS ASSHOLES!!!"
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tact: Some Have It, Others Don't
Working in the customer service industry, you have to become really good at reading people. Someone who has been working with the public for years can tell from the slightest glance that a customer is upset or confused or has a question, etc. This is not something that most people are just implicitly good at, it takes some time to develop. You also learn how to present yourself to your patrons, masking uncertainty, frustration and outright rage. Just like that scene in "Waiting" where the angry bitchy waitress walks through the kitchen cursing every piece of shit customer in the place and all her coworkers, but then hits the floor with a giant smile and sickly sweet tone;
"Is there anything else I can get for you tonight?"
"I think I'd like a hot fudge sundae!"
"MMMMMMM, mmmmmmmmm, that does sound good! [laughs] I'll be right back with that for you"
The second she is back in the safety of the kitchen: "that fat bitch, like she needs a god damn sundae!!"
Anyway, a well-seasoned server is a master of disguise, an actor in many ways, being who the customer wants them to be, not who they are.
They also become accomplished at saying things tactfully so as not to offend anyone. Rather than say to the 500 lb man "we have a booth for you, is that okay?" and force him to stammer that he wont fit in a booth, the tactful host says "would you like a table or a booth today?" And maybe has already put a chair with no arms at the table so he wont have to ask for one. Rather than return to the table where the card was declined and loudly declaring "your card didn't work, there's no money in your account" the tactful server says "I'm sorry, it doesn't seem to be going through. It may be a problem with our computers, do you have another card I can try?"
However some people are so self-involved that years of experience still leave them lacking the ability to say things tactfully, and this has been a big issue twice this week.
We will start with the tactless manager: crazy GM. She is so inside her own head that she rarely thinks before speaking and often says things that are rude or just downright mean.
One of our coworkers has been serving at the IR for over 10 years, and she and crazy GM were actually servers together back in the day before GM decided to climb the corporate ladder, they were friends even. So GM is fully aware that this server has a passion for animals, and a very close bond with her pets. Anyone who knows this person knows that her dogs are very important to her, so when she had to have one of them put down earlier this week, we all knew how upset she must be. She still came to work and attempted to put on a happy face for her tables because she couldn't afford to miss work, but every once in awhile she would take a minute in the break room to feel her sadness. I was in the alley getting a couple trays ready for my tables when GM started yelling "no no no" and walking towards the break room. I looked in that direction in time to see a host pulling away from a hug with the server who had lost her pet. GM was yelling rather loudly "No touching other people's bodies, keep your hands to yourself!"
I should note here that corporate has a strict "high-fives and handshakes only" policy to protect themselves from sexual harassment suits where any physical contact beyond those two is not allowed.
She could have left it at that. They knew they aren't technically allowed to hug, and the host even said "sorry GM, her dog just died I was just trying to comfort her" to which crazy GM said "No, if it were a person, maybe, but its just a dog!"
I was rushing around getting my stuff ready, but I could see how upset the server who lost her dog was. I don't know if many of you are animal lovers, but I know that my dog is like a child to me, and if she died I would be devastated, incapacitated and inconsolable, and if someone then said "It's just a dog" that would be too much. It's not just a dog, it's family!
After that incident, it was all the server could do to keep from crying, even while at her tables. Of course GM is so oblivious that she didn't even notice how much she had upset her until someone pointed it out to her and suggested maybe she should apologize, which she did. But still, have some freaking tact! You have been working with people for over 14 years and you can't be more sensitive to someone's grief? Even if you don't understand it you should respect it.
The other instance of tactless douchebaggery is far more humorous than the former, and even more irritating because it involves stupid new kid. Sooooo, another server we will call....Farrah (for her fave teen mom of course!...sorry inside joke) has a table of a mom and her tween-aged daughter. Servers had noticed that the tween's butt crack was hanging out of her low-rise pants, but butt-cracks are nothing too exciting at the IR, we see about 60 hairy cracks and 25 whale tails a week. Farrah goes up to her table to drop the check, lets mom know that she will be their cashier. Mom was looking at her like she wanted to say something, or something was wrong. Being that this server has sufficient people-reading skills like any good server does, she can tell something is up.
"Is something wrong? Are you okay?"
Mom: "well...that guy over there (points to Stupid New Kid), just came over to our table and told my 12 year old daughter that her butt crack is showing. At first I thought it was funny, but then I looked at her and she was bright red and near tears and just totally mortified. Those guys at that table over there heard him, and that table there did too. It was just really embarrassing."
Okay, let me share a little something here. when I was 12, I went to the water slides on a class trip. The entire sixth grade from my school was there actually. I went down a slide and as my inner tube bounced into the pool at the end, my bikini top flipped up. Full exposure, with many of my classmates and friends standing there waiting in line to see. I wouldn't even mention this for years after, and I still remember it vividly because when you are 12, public humiliation, especially involving anatomy, is like, the worst thing in the world. And 20 bucks says that when she is 20 something (not giving away my age here!) she will still remember what Stupid New Kid did.
Farrah apologized profusely, and genuinely, agreeing that it was totally inappropriate. Then she went looking for Stupid New Kid and tore him a new one. He could have done many things differently, the first being not to say anything at all considering he is a grown man and she is a girl of a tender age. Or he could have told Farrah to say something. Or if he absolutely had to do it, he could have said it quietly, tactfully, to the mother so she could tell her daughter. Anything but what he did. After Farrah was done chewing him out she told the manager, crazy GM as it were who of course lacking tact herself did not respond appropriately. She comped their meal and gave them free dessert, and then said to Stupid New Kid (I witnessed this) "now don't do that again! Talk to a manger or something!" and she was half smiling when she said it. A slap on the wrist. In our handbook, embarrassing a guest is grounds for immediate termination. Normally this is in reference solely to returning tips as in "you need this more than I do" but I think that loudly pointing out exposed body parts probably falls under that too.
This isn't the first time that Stupid New Kid has appointed himself in charge of informing females when they are showing too much skin. I wasn't working when this one happened, but from what I heard, a woman was sitting out in the parking lot on one of the little cement thingies that keep you form pulling too far forward. She was facing the restaurant and wearing a skirt, and didn't have her legs crossed or down or anything. She was flashing her under-roos to the whole late side but in a way that it didn't seem that she realized people could see her. Male bussers and servers were appreciating the view, and Stupid New Kid decided someone should tell her. Now I'm sure that in his tiny pea brain he thought he would be doing something noble by going outside and telling this stranger that she was flashing her labia, just as he probably thought he was sparing the 12 year old further embarrassment by telling her to pull her pants up, but really, he needs to enlist someone of the same gender to do these things, or it's just rude and perverted.
How is he not fired yet?!
"Is there anything else I can get for you tonight?"
"I think I'd like a hot fudge sundae!"
"MMMMMMM, mmmmmmmmm, that does sound good! [laughs] I'll be right back with that for you"
The second she is back in the safety of the kitchen: "that fat bitch, like she needs a god damn sundae!!"
Anyway, a well-seasoned server is a master of disguise, an actor in many ways, being who the customer wants them to be, not who they are.
They also become accomplished at saying things tactfully so as not to offend anyone. Rather than say to the 500 lb man "we have a booth for you, is that okay?" and force him to stammer that he wont fit in a booth, the tactful host says "would you like a table or a booth today?" And maybe has already put a chair with no arms at the table so he wont have to ask for one. Rather than return to the table where the card was declined and loudly declaring "your card didn't work, there's no money in your account" the tactful server says "I'm sorry, it doesn't seem to be going through. It may be a problem with our computers, do you have another card I can try?"
However some people are so self-involved that years of experience still leave them lacking the ability to say things tactfully, and this has been a big issue twice this week.
We will start with the tactless manager: crazy GM. She is so inside her own head that she rarely thinks before speaking and often says things that are rude or just downright mean.
One of our coworkers has been serving at the IR for over 10 years, and she and crazy GM were actually servers together back in the day before GM decided to climb the corporate ladder, they were friends even. So GM is fully aware that this server has a passion for animals, and a very close bond with her pets. Anyone who knows this person knows that her dogs are very important to her, so when she had to have one of them put down earlier this week, we all knew how upset she must be. She still came to work and attempted to put on a happy face for her tables because she couldn't afford to miss work, but every once in awhile she would take a minute in the break room to feel her sadness. I was in the alley getting a couple trays ready for my tables when GM started yelling "no no no" and walking towards the break room. I looked in that direction in time to see a host pulling away from a hug with the server who had lost her pet. GM was yelling rather loudly "No touching other people's bodies, keep your hands to yourself!"
I should note here that corporate has a strict "high-fives and handshakes only" policy to protect themselves from sexual harassment suits where any physical contact beyond those two is not allowed.
She could have left it at that. They knew they aren't technically allowed to hug, and the host even said "sorry GM, her dog just died I was just trying to comfort her" to which crazy GM said "No, if it were a person, maybe, but its just a dog!"
I was rushing around getting my stuff ready, but I could see how upset the server who lost her dog was. I don't know if many of you are animal lovers, but I know that my dog is like a child to me, and if she died I would be devastated, incapacitated and inconsolable, and if someone then said "It's just a dog" that would be too much. It's not just a dog, it's family!
After that incident, it was all the server could do to keep from crying, even while at her tables. Of course GM is so oblivious that she didn't even notice how much she had upset her until someone pointed it out to her and suggested maybe she should apologize, which she did. But still, have some freaking tact! You have been working with people for over 14 years and you can't be more sensitive to someone's grief? Even if you don't understand it you should respect it.
The other instance of tactless douchebaggery is far more humorous than the former, and even more irritating because it involves stupid new kid. Sooooo, another server we will call....Farrah (for her fave teen mom of course!...sorry inside joke) has a table of a mom and her tween-aged daughter. Servers had noticed that the tween's butt crack was hanging out of her low-rise pants, but butt-cracks are nothing too exciting at the IR, we see about 60 hairy cracks and 25 whale tails a week. Farrah goes up to her table to drop the check, lets mom know that she will be their cashier. Mom was looking at her like she wanted to say something, or something was wrong. Being that this server has sufficient people-reading skills like any good server does, she can tell something is up.
"Is something wrong? Are you okay?"
Mom: "well...that guy over there (points to Stupid New Kid), just came over to our table and told my 12 year old daughter that her butt crack is showing. At first I thought it was funny, but then I looked at her and she was bright red and near tears and just totally mortified. Those guys at that table over there heard him, and that table there did too. It was just really embarrassing."
Okay, let me share a little something here. when I was 12, I went to the water slides on a class trip. The entire sixth grade from my school was there actually. I went down a slide and as my inner tube bounced into the pool at the end, my bikini top flipped up. Full exposure, with many of my classmates and friends standing there waiting in line to see. I wouldn't even mention this for years after, and I still remember it vividly because when you are 12, public humiliation, especially involving anatomy, is like, the worst thing in the world. And 20 bucks says that when she is 20 something (not giving away my age here!) she will still remember what Stupid New Kid did.
Farrah apologized profusely, and genuinely, agreeing that it was totally inappropriate. Then she went looking for Stupid New Kid and tore him a new one. He could have done many things differently, the first being not to say anything at all considering he is a grown man and she is a girl of a tender age. Or he could have told Farrah to say something. Or if he absolutely had to do it, he could have said it quietly, tactfully, to the mother so she could tell her daughter. Anything but what he did. After Farrah was done chewing him out she told the manager, crazy GM as it were who of course lacking tact herself did not respond appropriately. She comped their meal and gave them free dessert, and then said to Stupid New Kid (I witnessed this) "now don't do that again! Talk to a manger or something!" and she was half smiling when she said it. A slap on the wrist. In our handbook, embarrassing a guest is grounds for immediate termination. Normally this is in reference solely to returning tips as in "you need this more than I do" but I think that loudly pointing out exposed body parts probably falls under that too.
This isn't the first time that Stupid New Kid has appointed himself in charge of informing females when they are showing too much skin. I wasn't working when this one happened, but from what I heard, a woman was sitting out in the parking lot on one of the little cement thingies that keep you form pulling too far forward. She was facing the restaurant and wearing a skirt, and didn't have her legs crossed or down or anything. She was flashing her under-roos to the whole late side but in a way that it didn't seem that she realized people could see her. Male bussers and servers were appreciating the view, and Stupid New Kid decided someone should tell her. Now I'm sure that in his tiny pea brain he thought he would be doing something noble by going outside and telling this stranger that she was flashing her labia, just as he probably thought he was sparing the 12 year old further embarrassment by telling her to pull her pants up, but really, he needs to enlist someone of the same gender to do these things, or it's just rude and perverted.
How is he not fired yet?!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
No gold stars for you!!
When I was in second grade, I was really into stickers. My teacher had a shoebox full of all different types, shapes and sizes of stickers which would be presented when you did something nice, or where quiet or well-behaved. My favorites were the fuzzy ones. Little cats and dogs with fake fur glued on to make them soft. I had a binder at home full of notebook paper on which I would place my awesome stickers so I could gaze at them for my own childish enjoyment.
Flash forward 18 years. I am pimping spag and balls at the IR, trying to get that paper and make ends meet. My manager wants me to memorize all the ingredients of a bunch of drinks and regurgitate them in case some corporate big wig calls to check on our "product knowledge." I'm thinkin "hey boss lady, I'm just tryin to make it rain in my bank account, I'm not really into playin the drink game right now."
But then, it was as though Moses parted the red sea of marinara, and through it I saw a sticker. A most magical and sticky sticker that could be mine if only I could recite all the drinks, including garnishes, perfectly to my manager. Not only would I receive this mind-blowingly awesome sticker, but I could place it next to my name on a chart that would be displayed for all my co-workers to see and envy. I will do ANYTHING for a sticker.
This is, I'm sure, the scenario that my dumber than a sack of fucking rocks manager had played out in her mind when she came up with another of her schemes to "motivate" us to do what she wants. Previously I mentioned how at our annual service meeting she made us do some competition where the "prize" was a poster that the winning team would sign and put on display for "bragging rights." So now she had decided that adults are motivated by posters, and that if we not only get our name on that poster, but GOLD STAR STICKERS, we will be blown the fuck away and want to do anything it takes to get a sticker by our name. I even took a little picture of it to show you non-OG's that I don't make this shit up. Names have been concealed to protect the poor bastards involved (myself included)
One dude was standing there looking at the chart and exclaimed "man, look at all these people who don't have their stars! What's going to happen to them?" To which I replied "absolutely nothing"
"What? Don't we get something for getting all our stars for like a month or something? Or if you don't get them does something happen?"
"Nope, nothing happens either way"
"What the hell?! Why are we doing this then?!"
That's an excellent question! After a couple weeks, everyone realized that there was no reason to do this. There was, however, a different reason to memorize the drinks. If someone did call from corporate and you got the call and said all the drinks right, you would either get $50 or a bottle of wine. However since the chart and the phone call had no correlation, people stopped caring and the star chart still sits unused.
Well now there's a new problem. Our survey scores aren't looking so good. Pretty much every time you come to the IR, you will get this ridiculously long receipt with a survey you can fill out online that enters you in a chance to win some money or something. Of course, the only people who go fill it out are people who are either a)pissed off and want to bitch about it or b)had a server that told them to go do it and say good things about them so the managers will think they're awesome. So of course the scores suck, only angry people fill it out, but we still use this information to make a lot of decisions and it's how the management decides what to yell at us for. I have debated with crazy GM on this, telling her that the scores are whack because no one has a nice normal dinner and decides to go fill out a survey. She disagrees, needless to say.
Man, we really need to get these scores up...the managers from other area IR restaurants get together with ours and come up with a plan. We get paired up with nearby IR and they put us at competition with the other. Whichever restaurant can give rockin service and get the overall survey scores for their restaurant up the most will get a prize. This prize is not a gold star. It is not a poster with our name for "bragging rights" nor is it $50 or a bottle of wine. This time they have really outdone themselves. The winners get.....(drum roll please)...cookies.
WHAT.THE.FUCK.
Are these special cookies? Do they sing to you before you eat them? Do they make your tits or wang grow three sizes after each bite? Will they make me smarter or more attractive? No? Then I don't give a shit. Cookies? Are you serious? I think that if I want cookies (which I do, I love cookies) that rather than bust my ass to try and get some arbitrary score up, I will probably go to the store and buy cookies. Or bake them at home. Or have my boyfriends mom make me some because that woman can bake! Any of these options are far more accessible to me, and they will probably result in some tasty cookies.
I can only conclude that BM and GM have some kind of brain disorder where adults appear to them as second graders. Someone should really study and diagnose this. They can call it "Sachetti syndrome"
On another note, BM has gestational diabetes. This is very shocking considering her healthy diet of cake and chicken alfredo pizzas. Please pray for her child.
And since I promised but did not deliver on relaying the story about the new kid threatening one of our own, I will briefly re-cap it here. I'm sure you've all heard it by now anyway. This is paraphrased from what I can remember when the server told me what happened, which was a few weeks ago.
Stupid new kid and Smokin hot server (SNK and SHS) are both standing in the appetizer window, she is waiting for a dessert and he is getting breadsticks. There is a tray in front of them with nothing on it. Her dessert comes up and she puts it on the tray
SNK: Hey, I was going to use that
SHS: Well, there was nothing on it. If you want to hold a tray you need to put something on it besides a cheese grater, that's just how it goes.
SNK: Well that's fucked up!
SHS:Sorry, but that's how we do things, people did the same thing to me when I was new here, I'm just trying to help you learn the ropes
SNK: That's great that you just perpetuate this fucked-up unfair thing that everyone does, maybe you should change it instead of doing it to someone else.
The Smokin hot lady takes the high road and walks away, a few minutes later she approaches him at one of the computers on the dining room floor to try and make light of the situation and resolve the tension
SHS: So, do you think I'm a bad person now?
SNK: I can't say what I think you are
SHS: Wow, it's not that big of a deal, dude
SNK: You know what, next time I'm going in or out of the kitchen and I see you coming the other way, I'm not gonna stop, maybe I'll just hit you in the face with the door. You better watch your fucking back.
This was peppered with many F-bombs and other naughty words. Keeping in mind they are standing in the dining room near occupied tables. Another server that was standing nearby intervened and told them to take it in the kitchen, once again the smokin hot server just walked away. She might have just let it go at this point, but he continued to mutter "watch your back" and other aggressive things as they crossed paths. So she decided to tell the manager, who was DM that night. He took a statement from the other server who witnessed it and brought the Stupid new kid into the office. New kid finished his shift, DM wouldn't tell anyone what they discussed or what happened, but he definitely wasn't suspended because he continued to be at work. I think he gathered that no one likes him, nor are we impressed by his shows of uber masculinity (like trying to open a bottle with his bicep) so he mostly keeps quiet now. But seriously, I have seen people instantly fired for threatening coworkers at the IR, so we were all pretty pissed that he maybe got written up but nothing else. Lame sauce.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Resignation isn't funny
So...for the two of you that read this you have probably noticed I haven't thrown down some snarkiness in awhile. The reason for this is that I have passed over into another place. Before I was in the "my job is lame and my managers are douches but it's kinda funny how lame it is so lets bitch about it" place. Now I'm in the "my job is lame and my managers are the biggest fuckers on the planet and I hate this place so much I want to rip my eyes out which is NOT funny" place. I have been lacking the drive to hilariously recap the daily events at the IR, and I have been applying for every single job I think I could possibly qualify for trying to GET OUT. However as per a request or two, I will try to drum something up here....
One of the (many) things that drive me crazy about this place is how the"guests" fucking stupid customers walk all over us and we just fucking take it and beg for more. Two recent examples; A few weeks ago I answered a call when I was doing to go:
"Thank you for calling the Italian Restaurant, this is Waitress how can I help you?"
"Yes, my wife and I were just there for dinner and everything was really great, but I gotta tell ya the air was just on way too high, it was really cold and it kinda ruined our meal."
What I was thinking was "you are a piece of shit who wants something for free and 1) restaurants are always cold, everyone knows this, bring a fucking coat and 2) did you ask for anyone to turn the air down? Or you just thought you would wait until you got home and whine over the phone like a little pussy?"
But what I said was "Did you want to speak to a manager?"
And he says "Yes! I would!" all fucking cheery like he is obviously not upset but excited about the gift card he is about to get.
Of course the manager pussed-out and gave him a freaking gift card, which irritated me even more. At least the time when the lady complained about a crying baby the manager got her to hang up before caving with a gift card. Recently someone even called and complained that they had gotten a to go order and it was really dry, didn't have enough sauce. When did this take place? Oh yeah, that would be over a month ago. Can you imagine getting a takeout order, thinking it could have used more sauce, and then over a month later deciding to call and bitch about it. WHO DOES THAT?! Obviously they knew they would get something for free, it's not like they just wanted to let us know, or it really affected them so deeply they have been unable to sleep for weeks thinking about their horrible dry pasta. They probably were talking to a friend and I imagine had a conversation somewhat like this:
Fucker Customer 1: "Dude, the other day we were eating at the Italian Restaurant and my mom didn't like her dish and got all bitchy about it and said none of the food was that good and the manager took all the dishes off, it was awesome!"
Fucker Customer 2: "Whoa, that IS awesome! I got some food there like a month ago and it was good and everything but I wonder if I bitched about it if it would have been free"
FC1: "Aw man you should have, I bet they would hook you up with a free meal, you should just call them now!"
FC2: "I don't know, it was like a month ago"
FC1: "Dude just do it, they wont say no, just tell them you wont eat there ever again and shit"
And so Fucker Customer 2 calls and gets a fucking gift card! I hate this place! They think "oh no, we have to give them gift cards and make them happy or they wont come back and they will tell their friends!"
Yeah, they will tell their friends all right, tell them to come walk all over us and get free shit!
The other recent instance of this was a largish party (about 10-15) that came in on a weekday night. They were apparently germophobes because they told their servers they wanted all their drinks in Styrofoam to-go cups and they would be using the plastic to-go silverware and napkins (where is that crying Native American when you need him?!). Later in their meal when they had entrees they started wigging out. Most of them left the table and went outside. The servers went over to see what was amiss and one of the men told them that there was a fly in the room and it had landed on some of their plates and that is so disgusting that they were repulsed, and left the restaurant having lost their appetites. The servers sent the manager out and he went through and pointed out which plates the fly had contaminated (about half of them) and she took them off the check. He then said "Also, he (indicating another of his party) had his drink spilled on him, can you do something about that? Take ten percent off or something?" Of course the manager took that drink off, and afterward the servers told her that what happened was they set his drink in front of him in the Styrofoam cup with a lid as per their request, and he tried to stick the straw in the wrong side of the lid and knocked it onto his own lap. So pretty much he wanted (and got) his drink comped because he spilled it on himself. GRRRRR. there is no dignity to be had in this place!!
So there you have it, and I actually meant to tell another story but I will save that for next time, it will give me another thing to talk about. but it includes one of the newer servers being a total fuckwad and threatening another server. To be continued...
One of the (many) things that drive me crazy about this place is how the
"Thank you for calling the Italian Restaurant, this is Waitress how can I help you?"
"Yes, my wife and I were just there for dinner and everything was really great, but I gotta tell ya the air was just on way too high, it was really cold and it kinda ruined our meal."
What I was thinking was "you are a piece of shit who wants something for free and 1) restaurants are always cold, everyone knows this, bring a fucking coat and 2) did you ask for anyone to turn the air down? Or you just thought you would wait until you got home and whine over the phone like a little pussy?"
But what I said was "Did you want to speak to a manager?"
And he says "Yes! I would!" all fucking cheery like he is obviously not upset but excited about the gift card he is about to get.
Of course the manager pussed-out and gave him a freaking gift card, which irritated me even more. At least the time when the lady complained about a crying baby the manager got her to hang up before caving with a gift card. Recently someone even called and complained that they had gotten a to go order and it was really dry, didn't have enough sauce. When did this take place? Oh yeah, that would be over a month ago. Can you imagine getting a takeout order, thinking it could have used more sauce, and then over a month later deciding to call and bitch about it. WHO DOES THAT?! Obviously they knew they would get something for free, it's not like they just wanted to let us know, or it really affected them so deeply they have been unable to sleep for weeks thinking about their horrible dry pasta. They probably were talking to a friend and I imagine had a conversation somewhat like this:
Fucker Customer 1: "Dude, the other day we were eating at the Italian Restaurant and my mom didn't like her dish and got all bitchy about it and said none of the food was that good and the manager took all the dishes off, it was awesome!"
Fucker Customer 2: "Whoa, that IS awesome! I got some food there like a month ago and it was good and everything but I wonder if I bitched about it if it would have been free"
FC1: "Aw man you should have, I bet they would hook you up with a free meal, you should just call them now!"
FC2: "I don't know, it was like a month ago"
FC1: "Dude just do it, they wont say no, just tell them you wont eat there ever again and shit"
And so Fucker Customer 2 calls and gets a fucking gift card! I hate this place! They think "oh no, we have to give them gift cards and make them happy or they wont come back and they will tell their friends!"
Yeah, they will tell their friends all right, tell them to come walk all over us and get free shit!
The other recent instance of this was a largish party (about 10-15) that came in on a weekday night. They were apparently germophobes because they told their servers they wanted all their drinks in Styrofoam to-go cups and they would be using the plastic to-go silverware and napkins (where is that crying Native American when you need him?!). Later in their meal when they had entrees they started wigging out. Most of them left the table and went outside. The servers went over to see what was amiss and one of the men told them that there was a fly in the room and it had landed on some of their plates and that is so disgusting that they were repulsed, and left the restaurant having lost their appetites. The servers sent the manager out and he went through and pointed out which plates the fly had contaminated (about half of them) and she took them off the check. He then said "Also, he (indicating another of his party) had his drink spilled on him, can you do something about that? Take ten percent off or something?" Of course the manager took that drink off, and afterward the servers told her that what happened was they set his drink in front of him in the Styrofoam cup with a lid as per their request, and he tried to stick the straw in the wrong side of the lid and knocked it onto his own lap. So pretty much he wanted (and got) his drink comped because he spilled it on himself. GRRRRR. there is no dignity to be had in this place!!
So there you have it, and I actually meant to tell another story but I will save that for next time, it will give me another thing to talk about. but it includes one of the newer servers being a total fuckwad and threatening another server. To be continued...
Friday, August 6, 2010
TMMI= Too Much Manager Information
I think it's great when your manager can be your friend. I have had many jobs where I was able to walk that line between respecting that they have ultimate authority but being able to relate to them as human beings.
But you know what really blows? Having a power-tripping manager who treats you like crap but expects you to listen to EVERY. FUCKING. DETAIL. of their life....or pregnancy...
You all know which one I'm referring to.
I think any of our other coworkers who have recently had babies can tell you that I love talking about their pregnancies. I am fascinated, want all the details, you can talk my ear off about it. However, I don't want to hear about it from a douchebag who I don't even like 90% of the time. ESPECIALLY since the particular details she wants to share are way too much information.
When you do to go you endure much more manager face time, especially when you close, because they have to swipe their card and do all the cash drop stuff, and you have to go with them to the office to watch them drop the money and make sure they don't steal it. This is where it began. I think everyone has found themselves trapped in the office at least once with a manager who wont shut the fuck up (crazy GM) about something that you couldn't possibly care less about if you made a concentrated effort.
The first time I got trapped in the office with BM going off about her baby for an extended period was in relation to what they are going to name it if it's a boy or a girl, and how they are referring to it as a combination of the names until they find out the sex of the baby. This would be a great story if, I don't know, I had asked her or it somehow came up in conversation, but no. We were not talking about it, I was not asking about it, I did not care about it. She just started talking and I had to listen for like 5 minutes pretending I gave a shit. You would think someone with normal social skills would notice when someone is clearly not interested in what they are saying, but I guess I was doing too good a job faking it, oops.
Even before she got knocked up, BM has regaled me with stories of how she and her husband waited until they got married to have sex, etc. Which really is an "inappropriate" conversation to be having with your employee, but at that time she wasn't a total bizzle yet so it was more like chatting with a friend, it didn't bother me. But now that it has become "I am going to nitpick everything you do and enforce stupid pointless rules and treat you like a toddler, but I expect you to listen to all the disgusting details of my personal life" I am not so much a fan. Things BM has recently (to my horror) shared with me (or other to go specs) without my illiciting the information:
1. How she used to get diarrhea all the time but pregnancy makes you constipated so now she is regular
2. How she waits until she is about to poop her pants before she goes so she doesn't get hemmeroids
3. How her husband woke her up for sex the other morning and she "caved" because she didn't want him to go looking for it somewhere else
4. How she actually only sees her husband for more than an hour a few times a week so they really don't "have" to have sex that often
5. How her in-laws stopped by while they were having sex in the middle of the day so they didn't answer the door
and things of that nature. I feel a twinge of guilt sharing this info with all of you here, but I am 97% sure she would probably have still said it if you were there, so hey, whatevs. Plus she is a big old beotch to me most of the time.
It just really irritates me when they are all strict about every stupid meaningless rule that corporate has for us, but they bend their own rules all the time. Like I'm pretty sure I could consider it sexual harassment that she tells me that crap, especially when I certainly never asked her for the info, and definitely wasn't sharing anything about myself. She is doing a great job of fulfilling my original description of her as the "cool" young manager. That poor baby.
Oh yeah, I feel lame requesting comments, but if no one comments I assume no one is reading this...so I am less likely to post very often. Just sayin...
But you know what really blows? Having a power-tripping manager who treats you like crap but expects you to listen to EVERY. FUCKING. DETAIL. of their life....or pregnancy...
You all know which one I'm referring to.
I think any of our other coworkers who have recently had babies can tell you that I love talking about their pregnancies. I am fascinated, want all the details, you can talk my ear off about it. However, I don't want to hear about it from a douchebag who I don't even like 90% of the time. ESPECIALLY since the particular details she wants to share are way too much information.
When you do to go you endure much more manager face time, especially when you close, because they have to swipe their card and do all the cash drop stuff, and you have to go with them to the office to watch them drop the money and make sure they don't steal it. This is where it began. I think everyone has found themselves trapped in the office at least once with a manager who wont shut the fuck up (crazy GM) about something that you couldn't possibly care less about if you made a concentrated effort.
The first time I got trapped in the office with BM going off about her baby for an extended period was in relation to what they are going to name it if it's a boy or a girl, and how they are referring to it as a combination of the names until they find out the sex of the baby. This would be a great story if, I don't know, I had asked her or it somehow came up in conversation, but no. We were not talking about it, I was not asking about it, I did not care about it. She just started talking and I had to listen for like 5 minutes pretending I gave a shit. You would think someone with normal social skills would notice when someone is clearly not interested in what they are saying, but I guess I was doing too good a job faking it, oops.
Even before she got knocked up, BM has regaled me with stories of how she and her husband waited until they got married to have sex, etc. Which really is an "inappropriate" conversation to be having with your employee, but at that time she wasn't a total bizzle yet so it was more like chatting with a friend, it didn't bother me. But now that it has become "I am going to nitpick everything you do and enforce stupid pointless rules and treat you like a toddler, but I expect you to listen to all the disgusting details of my personal life" I am not so much a fan. Things BM has recently (to my horror) shared with me (or other to go specs) without my illiciting the information:
1. How she used to get diarrhea all the time but pregnancy makes you constipated so now she is regular
2. How she waits until she is about to poop her pants before she goes so she doesn't get hemmeroids
3. How her husband woke her up for sex the other morning and she "caved" because she didn't want him to go looking for it somewhere else
4. How she actually only sees her husband for more than an hour a few times a week so they really don't "have" to have sex that often
5. How her in-laws stopped by while they were having sex in the middle of the day so they didn't answer the door
and things of that nature. I feel a twinge of guilt sharing this info with all of you here, but I am 97% sure she would probably have still said it if you were there, so hey, whatevs. Plus she is a big old beotch to me most of the time.
It just really irritates me when they are all strict about every stupid meaningless rule that corporate has for us, but they bend their own rules all the time. Like I'm pretty sure I could consider it sexual harassment that she tells me that crap, especially when I certainly never asked her for the info, and definitely wasn't sharing anything about myself. She is doing a great job of fulfilling my original description of her as the "cool" young manager. That poor baby.
Oh yeah, I feel lame requesting comments, but if no one comments I assume no one is reading this...so I am less likely to post very often. Just sayin...
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Biting Your Tongue. Hard.
Last weekend, after cheering on my man as he completes an 8K run, his parents take him, myself and his brother out to breakfast to celebrate. His mother notoriously takes an agonizingly long time to order when we try someplace new, so I am relieved when after only two return trips by the server to see if we are ready to order yet, she orders a short stack of blueberry pancakes (yes it took her 15 minutes to.decide on that). A short time later another server comes out to deliver our food.
"short stack of blueberry pancakes?"
I motion to the correct person and the server begins to set down the plate when BF's Mom stops her
"I didn't order that..."
Oh no. She did not. just. do. that. She's about 55 but that is not old enough for her to be doing the old lady "I have no idea what I ordered" thing. Of course, I immediately intervene. I have stood there one too many times while someone at a table denies ordering what I am 200% sure they ordered and no one else at the table helps me out.
"Yes you did!"
Thankfully at this time the BF's fam chimes in and confirms that yes, she did in fact order blueberry pancakes, and she takes and eats them because she likes blueberry pancakes, but just didn't intend to order them.
I find myself in this kind of situation quite often when I dine out with my boyfriend's parents, because...and I will say now and reiterate again and again they are wonderful people and I like them, I really do... they do many of the things that I bitch about in this blog. No the kind of things that make you hope your table gets into a debilitating car crash on the way home, just the ones that annoy you enough to maybe mention in the side station "man, table 16 is driving me nuts!"
I know we've all been in the situation a time or two, dining out with someone who definitely never worked in food service and biting your tongue when they do annoying crap. I mean when it's my own family I'm like "hey douchebag, don't do that!!" but I would never, could never, point these things out to my (hopefully) future in-laws lest they find out that I am, in fact, not the sweet girl they think their son is dating and am actually a raging bitch (Oh no!)
One of our co-workers told me about his mother who is a huge evil bitch of the variety that gets spit in her food when they eat out. Makes a scene and yells. How horrifying for someone who has been on the other side to watch this happen and not be able to say anything. Thankfully my experience has been nothing of this sort, but does include on every dining occasion three things that drive me nuts:
1. Hot Tea. Every time. His Dad orders it sometimes, but also might get coffee, water, juice, whatever. Mom orders hot tea 100% of the time. The sun could be melting and the world imploding and she would enjoy a nice hot tea. Will always need a refill on hot water.
2. Taking 600 years (approximately) to order. As noted before, the server will inevitably come back at least twice to see if we are ready yet. Often she will also ask what vegetables are in the "mixed vegetables" and once getting the answer will need more time to decide. Mom can never decide, whereas Dad usually waits until the server is there taking his order to look at the list of sides and see which one he might like to enjoy. On Father's Day we sat there for at least two whole minutes while he read over the list of sides and the server stood there...and stood there...and started looking around....and smiling painfully...I wanted to rip my fucking skin off.
3. Not paying attention while others are ordering, which is important when there is some choice of sides, dressing, soups, salads, whatever. It's always Mom that isn't paying attention when Dad asks what the soup choices are, and then proceeds to ask what they are ten seconds after the server has just listed them. This also happened on Father's Day, right after the never-ending sides debate.
Again! Disclaimer! They are wonderful, giving, kind people. So great. They are just annoying guests!
I have also been known to piss off my boyfriend (current and pasts) by pointing out things they do that I personally find annoying from a service standpoint. One guy I dated would always refer to the dishes or items as belonging to the server. As in "can I get your chicken sub and your chicken noodle soup." This bugged the shit out of me, not sure why...
I have chided the sexy hunk of man I am so fortunate as to have in my life now (hey baby ;) ) for saying his name when he calls an establishment, no matter what the reason. As in "Hi, this is hot guy, what time do you close?" because it irritates me when people do this, as there is no reason I need to know your name in order to answer such a question. Of course he points out that it's harmless and I am a fucking bitch, I agree that yes, I am, but can he still not do that?
So basically it puts us in an awkward, uncomfortable, and unfortunate situation that we know exactly what the server is thinking when one of our well-intentioned dining companions ask "is it free refills?" before ordering anything (my love has a tendency towards this as well).
So what kind of painful bystander situations have you found yourself in? And did you say anything?
"short stack of blueberry pancakes?"
I motion to the correct person and the server begins to set down the plate when BF's Mom stops her
"I didn't order that..."
Oh no. She did not. just. do. that. She's about 55 but that is not old enough for her to be doing the old lady "I have no idea what I ordered" thing. Of course, I immediately intervene. I have stood there one too many times while someone at a table denies ordering what I am 200% sure they ordered and no one else at the table helps me out.
"Yes you did!"
Thankfully at this time the BF's fam chimes in and confirms that yes, she did in fact order blueberry pancakes, and she takes and eats them because she likes blueberry pancakes, but just didn't intend to order them.
I find myself in this kind of situation quite often when I dine out with my boyfriend's parents, because...and I will say now and reiterate again and again they are wonderful people and I like them, I really do... they do many of the things that I bitch about in this blog. No the kind of things that make you hope your table gets into a debilitating car crash on the way home, just the ones that annoy you enough to maybe mention in the side station "man, table 16 is driving me nuts!"
I know we've all been in the situation a time or two, dining out with someone who definitely never worked in food service and biting your tongue when they do annoying crap. I mean when it's my own family I'm like "hey douchebag, don't do that!!" but I would never, could never, point these things out to my (hopefully) future in-laws lest they find out that I am, in fact, not the sweet girl they think their son is dating and am actually a raging bitch (Oh no!)
One of our co-workers told me about his mother who is a huge evil bitch of the variety that gets spit in her food when they eat out. Makes a scene and yells. How horrifying for someone who has been on the other side to watch this happen and not be able to say anything. Thankfully my experience has been nothing of this sort, but does include on every dining occasion three things that drive me nuts:
1. Hot Tea. Every time. His Dad orders it sometimes, but also might get coffee, water, juice, whatever. Mom orders hot tea 100% of the time. The sun could be melting and the world imploding and she would enjoy a nice hot tea. Will always need a refill on hot water.
2. Taking 600 years (approximately) to order. As noted before, the server will inevitably come back at least twice to see if we are ready yet. Often she will also ask what vegetables are in the "mixed vegetables" and once getting the answer will need more time to decide. Mom can never decide, whereas Dad usually waits until the server is there taking his order to look at the list of sides and see which one he might like to enjoy. On Father's Day we sat there for at least two whole minutes while he read over the list of sides and the server stood there...and stood there...and started looking around....and smiling painfully...I wanted to rip my fucking skin off.
3. Not paying attention while others are ordering, which is important when there is some choice of sides, dressing, soups, salads, whatever. It's always Mom that isn't paying attention when Dad asks what the soup choices are, and then proceeds to ask what they are ten seconds after the server has just listed them. This also happened on Father's Day, right after the never-ending sides debate.
Again! Disclaimer! They are wonderful, giving, kind people. So great. They are just annoying guests!
I have also been known to piss off my boyfriend (current and pasts) by pointing out things they do that I personally find annoying from a service standpoint. One guy I dated would always refer to the dishes or items as belonging to the server. As in "can I get your chicken sub and your chicken noodle soup." This bugged the shit out of me, not sure why...
I have chided the sexy hunk of man I am so fortunate as to have in my life now (hey baby ;) ) for saying his name when he calls an establishment, no matter what the reason. As in "Hi, this is hot guy, what time do you close?" because it irritates me when people do this, as there is no reason I need to know your name in order to answer such a question. Of course he points out that it's harmless and I am a fucking bitch, I agree that yes, I am, but can he still not do that?
So basically it puts us in an awkward, uncomfortable, and unfortunate situation that we know exactly what the server is thinking when one of our well-intentioned dining companions ask "is it free refills?" before ordering anything (my love has a tendency towards this as well).
So what kind of painful bystander situations have you found yourself in? And did you say anything?
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