Tact: Some Have It, Others Don't

Working in the customer service industry, you have to become really good at reading people. Someone who has been working with the public for years can tell from the slightest glance that a customer is upset or confused or has a question, etc. This is not something that most people are just implicitly good at, it takes some time to develop. You also learn how to present yourself to your patrons, masking uncertainty, frustration and outright rage. Just like that scene in "Waiting" where the angry bitchy waitress walks through the kitchen cursing every piece of shit customer in the place and all her coworkers, but then hits the floor with a giant smile and sickly sweet tone;

"Is there anything else I can get for you tonight?"

"I think I'd like a hot fudge sundae!"

"MMMMMMM, mmmmmmmmm, that does sound good! [laughs] I'll be right back with that for you"

The second she is back in the safety of the kitchen: "that fat bitch, like she needs a god damn sundae!!"

Anyway, a well-seasoned server is a master of disguise, an actor in many ways, being who the customer wants them to be, not who they are.

They also become accomplished at saying things tactfully so as not to offend anyone. Rather than say to the 500 lb man "we have a booth for you, is that okay?" and force him to stammer that he wont fit in a booth, the tactful host says "would you like a table or a booth today?" And maybe has already put a chair with no arms at the table so he wont have to ask for one. Rather than return to the table where the card was declined and loudly declaring "your card didn't work, there's no money in your account" the tactful server says "I'm sorry, it doesn't seem to be going through. It may be a problem with our computers, do you have another card I can try?"

However some people are so self-involved that years of experience still leave them lacking the ability to say things tactfully, and this has been a big issue twice this week.

We will start with the tactless manager: crazy GM. She is so inside her own head that she rarely thinks before speaking and often says things that are rude or just downright mean.

One of our coworkers has been serving at the IR for over 10 years, and she and crazy GM were actually servers together back in the day before GM decided to climb the corporate ladder, they were friends even. So GM is fully aware that this server has a passion for animals, and a very close bond with her pets. Anyone who knows this person knows that her dogs are very important to her, so when she had to have one of them put down earlier this week, we all knew how upset she must be. She still came to work and attempted to put on a happy face for her tables because she couldn't afford to miss work, but every once in awhile she would take a minute in the break room to feel her sadness. I was in the alley getting a couple trays ready for my tables when GM started yelling "no no no" and walking towards the break room. I looked in that direction in time to see a host pulling away from a hug with the server who had lost her pet. GM was yelling rather loudly "No touching other people's bodies, keep your hands to yourself!"

I should note here that corporate has a strict "high-fives and handshakes only" policy to protect themselves from sexual harassment suits where any physical contact beyond those two is not allowed.

She could have left it at that. They knew they aren't technically allowed to hug, and the host even said "sorry GM, her dog just died I was just trying to comfort her" to which crazy GM said "No, if it were a person, maybe, but its just a dog!"

I was rushing around getting my stuff ready, but I could see how upset the server who lost her dog was. I don't know if many of you are animal lovers, but I know that my dog is like a child to me, and if she died I would be devastated, incapacitated and inconsolable, and if someone then said "It's just a dog" that would be too much. It's not just a dog, it's family!
After that incident, it was all the server could do to keep from crying, even while at her tables. Of course GM is so oblivious that she didn't even notice how much she had upset her until someone pointed it out to her and suggested maybe she should apologize, which she did. But still, have some freaking tact! You have been working with people for over 14 years and you can't be more sensitive to someone's grief? Even if you don't understand it you should respect it.

The other instance of tactless douchebaggery is far more humorous than the former, and even more irritating because it involves stupid new kid. Sooooo, another server we will call....Farrah (for her fave teen mom of course!...sorry inside joke) has a table of a mom and her tween-aged daughter. Servers had noticed that the tween's butt crack was hanging out of her low-rise pants, but butt-cracks are nothing too exciting at the IR, we see about 60 hairy cracks and 25 whale tails a week. Farrah goes up to her table to drop the check, lets mom know that she will be their cashier. Mom was looking at her like she wanted to say something, or something was wrong. Being that this server has sufficient people-reading skills like any good server does, she can tell something is up.

"Is something wrong? Are you okay?"

Mom: "well...that guy over there (points to Stupid New Kid), just came over to our table and told my 12 year old daughter that her butt crack is showing. At first I thought it was funny, but then I looked at her and she was bright red and near tears and just totally mortified. Those guys at that table over there heard him, and that table there did too. It was just really embarrassing."

Okay, let me share a little something here. when I was 12, I went to the water slides on a class trip. The entire sixth grade from my school was there actually. I went down a slide and as my inner tube bounced into the pool at the end, my bikini top flipped up. Full exposure, with many of my classmates and friends standing there waiting in line to see. I wouldn't even mention this for years after, and I still remember it vividly because when you are 12, public humiliation, especially involving anatomy, is like, the worst thing in the world. And 20 bucks says that when she is 20 something (not giving away my age here!) she will still remember what Stupid New Kid did.

Farrah apologized profusely, and genuinely, agreeing that it was totally inappropriate. Then she went looking for Stupid New Kid and tore him a new one. He could have done many things differently, the first being not to say anything at all considering he is a grown man and she is a girl of a tender age. Or he could have told Farrah to say something. Or if he absolutely had to do it, he could have said it quietly, tactfully, to the mother so she could tell her daughter. Anything but what he did. After Farrah was done chewing him out she told the manager, crazy GM as it were who of course lacking tact herself did not respond appropriately. She comped their meal and gave them free dessert, and then said to Stupid New Kid (I witnessed this) "now don't do that again! Talk to a manger or something!" and she was half smiling when she said it. A slap on the wrist. In our handbook, embarrassing a guest is grounds for immediate termination. Normally this is in reference solely to returning tips as in "you need this more than I do" but I think that loudly pointing out exposed body parts probably falls under that too.

This isn't the first time that Stupid New Kid has appointed himself in charge of informing females when they are showing too much skin. I wasn't working when this one happened, but from what I heard, a woman was sitting out in the parking lot on one of the little cement thingies that keep you form pulling too far forward. She was facing the restaurant and wearing a skirt, and didn't have her legs crossed or down or anything. She was flashing her under-roos to the whole late side but in a way that it didn't seem that she realized people could see her. Male bussers and servers were appreciating the view, and Stupid New Kid decided someone should tell her. Now I'm sure that in his tiny pea brain he thought he would be doing something noble by going outside and telling this stranger that she was flashing her labia, just as he probably thought he was sparing the 12 year old further embarrassment by telling her to pull her pants up, but really, he needs to enlist someone of the same gender to do these things, or it's just rude and perverted.

How is he not fired yet?!