Biting Your Tongue. Hard.

Last weekend, after cheering on my man as he completes an 8K run, his parents take him, myself and his brother out to breakfast to celebrate. His mother notoriously takes an agonizingly long time to order when we try someplace new, so I am relieved when after only two return trips by the server to see if we are ready to order yet, she orders a short stack of blueberry pancakes (yes it took her 15 minutes to.decide on that). A short time later another server comes out to deliver our food.

"short stack of blueberry pancakes?"


I motion to the correct person and the server begins to set down the plate when BF's Mom stops her


"I didn't order that..."


Oh no. She did not. just. do. that. She's about 55 but that is not old enough for her to be doing the old lady "I have no idea what I ordered" thing. Of course, I immediately intervene. I have stood there one too many times while someone at a table denies ordering what I am 200% sure they ordered and no one else at the table helps me out.


"Yes you did!"


Thankfully at this time the BF's fam chimes in and confirms that yes, she did in fact order blueberry pancakes, and she takes and eats them because she likes blueberry pancakes, but just didn't intend to order them.


I find myself in this kind of situation quite often when I dine out with my boyfriend's parents, because...and I will say now and reiterate again and again they are wonderful people and I like them, I really do... they do many of the things that I bitch about in this blog. No the kind of things that make you hope your table gets into a debilitating car crash on the way home, just the ones that annoy you enough to maybe mention in the side station "man, table 16 is driving me nuts!"


I know we've all been in the situation a time or two, dining out with someone who definitely never worked in food service and biting your tongue when they do annoying crap. I mean when it's my own family I'm like "hey douchebag, don't do that!!" but I would never, could never, point these things out to my (hopefully) future in-laws lest they find out that I am, in fact, not the sweet girl they think their son is dating and am actually a raging bitch (Oh no!)


One of our co-workers told me about his mother who is a huge evil bitch of the variety that gets spit in her food when they eat out. Makes a scene and yells. How horrifying for someone who has been on the other side to watch this happen and not be able to say anything. Thankfully my experience has been nothing of this sort, but does include on every dining occasion three things that drive me nuts:


1. Hot Tea. Every time. His Dad orders it sometimes, but also might get coffee, water, juice, whatever. Mom orders hot tea 100% of the time. The sun could be melting and the world imploding and she would enjoy a nice hot tea. Will always need a refill on hot water.
2. Taking 600 years (approximately) to order. As noted before, the server will inevitably come back at least twice to see if we are ready yet. Often she will also ask what vegetables are in the "mixed vegetables" and once getting the answer will need more time to decide. Mom can never decide, whereas Dad usually waits until the server is there taking his order to look at the list of sides and see which one he might like to enjoy. On Father's Day we sat there for at least two whole minutes while he read over the list of sides and the server stood there...and stood there...and started looking around....and smiling painfully...I wanted to rip my fucking skin off.
3. Not paying attention while others are ordering, which is important when there is some choice of sides, dressing, soups, salads, whatever. It's always Mom that isn't paying attention when Dad asks what the soup choices are, and then proceeds to ask what they are ten seconds after the server has just listed them. This also happened on Father's Day, right after the never-ending sides debate.


Again! Disclaimer! They are wonderful, giving, kind people. So great. They are just annoying guests!


I have also been known to piss off my boyfriend (current and pasts) by pointing out things they do that I personally find annoying from a service standpoint. One guy I dated would always refer to the dishes or items as belonging to the server. As in "can I get your chicken sub and your chicken noodle soup." This bugged the shit out of me, not sure why...


I have chided the sexy hunk of man I am so fortunate as to have in my life now (hey baby ;) ) for saying his name when he calls an establishment, no matter what the reason. As in "Hi, this is hot guy, what time do you close?" because it irritates me when people do this, as there is no reason I need to know your name in order to answer such a question. Of course he points out that it's harmless and I am a fucking bitch, I agree that yes, I am, but can he still not do that?


So basically it puts us in an awkward, uncomfortable, and unfortunate situation that we know exactly what the server is thinking when one of our well-intentioned dining companions ask "is it free refills?" before ordering anything (my love has a tendency towards this as well).


So what kind of painful bystander situations have you found yourself in? And did you say anything?

Legal Rights? Oh Yeah Those Don't Apply Here

Sorry I was lazy and waited a long time to document this now long-past story. Took a little vacay, bestie got engaged, fun things were happening that made me not care about taking time to bitch. Sadly, that time has past so here I am!

A few weeks ago, I was closing to go. It was a Monday, and I had served that morning, and had to open to go the next morning, so I was already tired and rest was not in the near future. Also, I was scheduled all of these shifts, I did not pick them up.

So you know how we have those things called legal rights where our employers are required to give us breaks now and then so we don't keel over and die? Well those aren't really respected in the restaurant industry, at least not for service staff. the hosts and cooks are able to take a ten minute break once during their shift, which is still insufficient. Most places of work you should be getting a 10 to 15 minute break every two hours, but considering the pace of food service, this isn't really possible. So somehow they get around the ten minute break thing, but there are strict laws about meal breaks. The US Department of Labor website says that the guidelines for meal breaks in Washington are that you should get: "[A] ½ hour [break], if work period is more than 5 consecutive hours, to be given not less than 2 hours nor more than 5 hours from beginning of shift. Counted as worktime if employee is required to remain on duty on premises or at a prescribed worksite."

Another way the evil corporation who owns the IR has gotten around this is by prompting us to waive our right to this break at the beginning of our shift. When we clock in it asks "you are entitled to a 30 minute meal period if you work more than five hours, do you want to take this break or waive this right?" Most people waive it because you have to clock out and no one takes meal breaks unless they are a double and wont get a break between shifts.

A to go shift is generally 7-8 hours long, and we NEVER take breaks. Given sometimes if it's slow you are kind of on a break most of the time, which is why the break laws aren't enforced so strictly in this biz, but at some point between 4pm and 11pm I am going to need to, I don't know, eat or something. Maybe just so I don't pass out. And usually I just kind of eat when I can, and am interrupted every few bites by someone needing to check out, the phone ringing, a guest picking up or placing an order, etc. This is annoying, but I am still getting paid so I still have to do my job duties. Sometimes I will ask the bartenders to answer the phone and check people out for 15 minutes so I can actually enjoy an entire hot meal without getting up. This is until the GM started being a snatch and saying she just wanted one person (ie ME) to check everyone out so I can make sure they have their checker and manager signature (she is assuming that I give a shit about these. Okay, I do make sure they have a checker signature but fuck managers). So now I literally cannot sit down and eat without being interrupted. Some nights this is really frustrating, I was busy, I'm tired, and I just want to be left alone for like 5 fucking minutes, but no. So I have been toying with the idea of actually taking my meal break. Yeah, it's 30 minutes off my shift, but it would be worth it. Plus, I could just take 15 minutes and get clocked back on early, but if I am not clocked out on a meal break I can't tell people to F.O. when they come ask me for shit.

So, it was on this night, about 7 hours into my double, when I decided, fuck this noise. I am taking my goddamn legally allowed (required!) break and they can suck it! Of course it was BM on duty (who is big as a house 13 weeks into her pregnancy, but that's another story). It was like 8:15, and I was not going to see the outside world until about 11, so I thought it was a good time to take a minute.

We are in the alley, along with many others

"hey BM, I want to take my half tonight"

blank stare..."Like a 30 minute break?!"

"Yeah, I'm a double and I open tomorrow, I'm tired"

"It's almost 9:00, if you want to do that I'll just send you home"

This time there was a blank stare on my end.

She walked away, I fumed. Others who heard her told me not to let her send me home, I am entitled to that break and if she doesn't like it I can call corporate. The IR has been sued several times for screwing people out of their breaks and she certainly wouldn't be doing herself any favors by costing them more money.

And I didn't even want to go home! I needed the hours, needed the money, I just wanted a break! Is that really so much to ask?

About ten minutes later, I am standing by my computer and she comes up beside me

"So, do you want to check out the early side servers and then go home?"

"No, I don't want to go home, I just want to sit down for 15 minutes and eat something and not answer the phone or check someone out, and if I am on the clock I can't do that."

"Well that's fine, you can sit down and the bar can check people out, it just seems like taking a 30 minute break this late is pointless."

"Okay, well GM doesn't let the bar check people out anymore so I don't really know what I can and can't do at this point."

I order food, let the bar know what's happening, and go to sit down in one of the empty dining rooms to get some peace. As I am walking out of the kitchen with my food, BM sees me and says "Oh, are you going to sit out there? I wanted to but didn't want to go by myself" And she proceeds to fucking follow me out there!! And sit with me!! I know some people don't do the best with social cues, but really? I have been pissy with you and pretty much shooting hate daggers out of my eyes at you and you think I really want to sit down and share a meal with you? So I had to sit there and pretend not to hate her while acting interested in her pregnancy for 30 minutes (I did NOT clock out, BTW, fuck her!). She sucks.

I always especially hate when things like this happen because as snarky as I am on here, I am actually very non-confrontational and have a hard time standing up for myself to asshole managers.

Case in point, yesterday Douche Manager (he is back to douche rather than dude, cause he is an asshole 85% of the time) tells me what while the weekend to go person is on vacation for 3 weeks, he is going to schedule me all her shifts. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, 4 to midnight? My man works a Monday thru Friday 9-5, so that shit ain't gonna work for me. So while I did point out to him it would put a serious cramp in my love life, I didn't straight up say no. I suck!