Some nights, everything goes wrong. Just when it seems it can't get any worse, it does. We call these scenarios "clusterfucks," and if you are involved in it, it can bring you to your knees. Make you curse God whether you believe in him or not, make you cry, make you want to walk out and never look back. But if you aren't involved, they are fucking awesome. And hilarious. Tonight I got to watch the freak show, and only got gently clipped in the process.
It's been very sunny the last couple days. And also warm, which is just unheard of in a Washington winter. Thus, everyone has been outside every second of daylight they can manage soaking it up. This means that until about 6 when the sun fully sets, we are dead as a doornail, then we get hit with a big old clusterfuck. You can't prepare yourself for it, really. When the first two hours of your shift are slow as hell you get lulled into a sort of trance, serve like a zombie with little to no effort. why exert any when it's not necessary, right?
So anywho, we all slugged around for a couple hours on cruise control, and as soon as we got hit weird shit started happening. I only got a taste of it. I had a two top that was a Russian couple (I know) that ordered raspberry lemonade with whipped cream in it (I know) and sausage potato soup (shocking right) and a steak dish cooked well. Well the cooks at IR tend to have issues with cooking steak correctly, usually it ends up one to two preparations farther than requested. And in true style, they burnt the shit out of the well done steak. And the the chicken too, for good measure. I walked up to the table as the food is being dropped by the culinary assistant and I can immediately see that the lady is not pleased at all, and that her dish is burnt. Like it's black. Like my dog probably wouldn't eat that shit. He is telling her "you just let me know if it's too burnt and I will make you another one" and she's looking at him like 'motherfucker i am not eating that!' So he takes it back to the kitchen, the GM sees it and yells at him and the CA who is cooking on line until she is literally red in the face. Then goes out and licks their butts, takes it off their check, gives them a giftcard yada yada. I didn't really care because they were Russian after all and weren't going to tip me anyway (horrible but true). Alas, my slight brush with the clusterfuck was no biggie.
Other accounts were; 50 minute ticket times for a dish that should take 3. A fat bitch who sat by herself and ordered chicken parmigiana, no sauce, no spaghetti, sub french fries. No soup or salad, just bread. So pretty much fried chicken with french fries, cheese and bread. Why don't you just go to fucking KFC? She allegedly ate about a dozen bread sticks, had an entire block of cheese grated onto her chicken and fries, then ate it all and complained it was dry so she could get another one. Another server had a woman freak out and say she was too slow (this is a person who has been serving for years and years) and demanded that another person serving in that area whom she had had before be her server or she would leave. This meant the desired server had four tables, one of them being a ten top. I'm guessing he didn't give her the same service this time.
But the icing on the cake, in the middle of all this, was the puke pile in the lobby. I got the lowdown from a host who witnessed it firsthand. A kid about 7 or 8 couldn't handle his chicken carbonara (maybe because it has almost 2,000 calories and an entire stick of butter in it?) and en route most likely to the bathroom, he projectile up-chucks it in the middle of the lobby. In the middle of an hour wait. There were people packed like sardines in there junior blows chunks. His mom stood by it briefly to watch the crime scene until kiddo started to cry, no doubt from embarrassment, then she booked it. Someone stepped in it, as evidenced by a footprint. The host are not supposed to clean up this kind of "spill" nor is anyone really besides a busser aka a "sanitation technician." They are trained on how to pick up what kind of mess, and as this one contains bio hazards, the hosts really aren't supposed to and don't know how to safely clean it up. So while one of them has gone to find a busser to clean it, a woman waiting as part of a large party starts flipping shit. "You need to get this cleaned up!" she shouts very very (very) loudly at one of them. "We are getting someone right now to clean it up" she says. "No YOU need to clean this up NOW!!!" About this time, the lucky bastard who has been nominated to clean it up arrives (he has a baby about 5 months so I guess they figured he's used to dealing with puke). The woman yells at the manager because her staff didn't react appropriately, so she in turn yells at the hosts because she needs to yell at someone. She tells them they should have put paper towels on it. Cause that would have helped a lot.
What a beautiful clusterfuck it was. In my excitement over writing about it I spilled my wine on my lap and broke the glass. Of course I swept up the larger pieces then picked up the smaller ones with a wet paper towel. Just procedure really.
On Sunday morning I will be taking off to Phoenix until next weekend to see my big brother and his beautiful family, so don't expect to be hearing from me in this forum. Unless of course anyone wants to write a guest spot? Anonymously of course ;)
Friday, February 19, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Love is in the air, and the alfredo
L, is for the way you look at me (after I ask for the tenth basket of bread), O, is for the only one I see (because you are so fat I can no longer see around you), V, is very very, extraordinary (Not everyone can put away three bowls of soup, an entree and dessert) E, is even more than anyone that you adore (as in I can eat more than anyone you adore). And LOVE is all that I can ask of you! (besides take me to the Italian restaurant more often). LOVE is more than just a game for two! (you can bring your kids and make them fat too). Two in LOVE can make it, sit in our Larry chair but please don't break it, FOOD was made for you and meeeeeee!
Ah, Valentine's day. The day when lovers show each other just how much they care. The day they will make plans for weeks in advance, calling that cute little Italian Bistro and making a reservation for two. Pick up flowers, a card. Gaze into each others eyes and say "I'm so lucky I found you."
And then there's everyone else. The dumb assholes who forgot or didn't care to make plans in advance. Who were literally so oblivious to how busy restaurants would be on this day that they called ten minutes before the time they told their honey the reservations were, to see if they could make any. I shit you not, the To Go's started keeping track at two, and well well over 50 people called to ask if they could make reservations. One person did actually want to make them ten minutes from that time. Of course we have to restrain our impulse to burst out laughing, because that would not be very nice and we are required to lick the asshole of every person who walks in the door. But if they could see the lobby at the moment they were calling, maybe they would laugh at themselves too.
I walked in at 4:00 for my To Go shift. There were probably about five parties waiting outside, and when people are waiting outside in the winter, you know the bitch is packed. Sure enough, hoards of hungry lovers filled the lobby. It actually wasn't as full as it was when I got there on Saturday for my serving shift though.
Saturday I worked at 4:00 as well, and was in the cafe. Someone offered to switch me places, and I politely declined. There are a couple benefits to the cafe; no children (it's part of the bar so 21+ only), and no large parties because the tables are round 4 tops and people just seat themselves. Every now and then some assfaces who don't want to wait push two of them together to make an 8, but you can pretty much depend on an easy ride. It turned out to be a good choice to stay where I was because for some unknown reason, there were big tops up the wazoo on Saturday (I would like to note that according to my auto correct, wazoo is actually a word?!). The person who tried to switch me ended up getting an 8 and a 20 right off the bat, and there were 15's and 10's and shenanigans in every room. Not sure when the day before V-day became family time, but I digress.
I ended up making 93 before tip-out, which is not bad at all, but not great either. If not for one table who just wanted drinks and an appetizer while waiting to be sat at a "real" table, I may have broken 100. I did have mostly couples and everyone was pretty happy. One older guy was telling his wife or whomever war stories the whole time, and when he finished his fettuccine alfredo he asked me to bring him some more, but just like a third of what he just had. Uh...it's not endless pasta time pal. I told him I would bring him a side. He was super-happy about it. Who just asks for more when they finish their food? I told my manager this and she said "maybe at your mom's house?"
"Mummy, can I have some more alfredo, pleeze?"
Another server, the same one with the bitchy teenagers the other day, had a table that was upset about having to wait so long to sit down (uh, hello, get a calendar dipshit), and it was like the mom's birthday or something and she was acting all "queen for a day" like and seemed like she had been drinking before she got there. At some point she decided that their food was taking too long (I repeat, CALENDAR), and that other tables around them, some that had already left, arrived after them and got their food first. This was of course not true but the lady made a scene and yelled in front of the dining room and said she just wanted to go, to box the food up. Her family was really embarrassed and the managers took care of the check and it was just lame sauce. We were on an hour and a half wait most of the night, don't you think if it takes that long to sit down your food will take a while too?! I got out of there just after ten.
So last night was anticipated to be busier and more two tops, less parties. They even took out the big table we have that seats 12 and put two smaller tables in it's place. For to go, we had three people. We had already decided one person would answer the phone, ring things in, and cash them out, one person would bag up the orders, get the bread and soup and salad and what not all organized, and one person would keep the front end in line, taking out orders, taking peoples money, letting the bagger know which orders were here waiting so we could prioritize them. I was the bagger person. This was fine with me cause it kept me moving, unlike the phone answerer, and I didn't have to deal with the guests, or trying to figure out which of the 100 people in the lobby were for to go and which were waiting to be sat.
Last year on Valentine's day I was also doing to go, but at at different IR. We had 4 people, and also had jobs delegated. One person on the phone, on person ringing in and cashing out, and two people to bag up food and get bread and salad and everything. We ended up being so incredibly busy that one person ended up just making the to go salads because the salad maker couldn't keep up, and the person who was bagging got so behind it was a total cluster-fuck.
I'm pretty sure we were way less busy, but things went smoothly, no one waited very long, and we pretty much rocked it out. I never left the alley so I got to witness a lot (like way abnormally high) number of broken dishes, cooks refusing to re-make missing food because they know they made it and someone took it, and servers ranting about their asshole guests. Once again, the gal with the bitchy teenagers got a winning table. This woman has been waiting tables for like 25 years so I can only assume she gets these people because the universe knows she can handle it. Her table was again a family, again already angry they had to wait an hour and a half on the busiest day of the year (who could have predicted this?!). They were just irritable the whole time, and then got mad their food was taking too long, and one of the kids was like 14ish with shoulder length hair and a purse (maybe a satchel?), who after they were all riled up snapped "I'm a boy you know!" because she had referred to him as a girl at one point. Well lose the murse and the ponytail little man, then get testy about gender issues! They then told the manager that she took too long to bring them anything, even their drinks, but when she greeted them initially to get their drink orders, they said they didn't know what they wanted yet. People are just dumb. The manager made her be nice to them and act like it was her fault and offer them dessert.
I left at 9:30 with $60, which is okay with me. I get a good hourly wage and I was only there for 4 hours. I didn't even work that hard, considering. It was just steady, I was never freaking out. So another Valentine's down. I hope the next one I am just a regular person enjoying the day, not a slave to the masses. But I say that every year.
I have worked every Valentines Day since I was 17. Working as a delivery driver for a Chinese food joint, none the less. I remember delivering an order to the coast guard office down in the marina. I had to page the person to come out and hand them their food and exchange money through the gate. The guy who ordered was a total hottie. He asked me my name. After he payed he said "Happy Valentine's Day Waitress." I still remember it for some reason.
Now onto the Bitch Manager. Turns out her scope is far and wide. It's not just me, everyone is seeing that she is the root of all evil. I would mention that the red shirt she was wearing yesterday was a size to small and her rolls were desperately trying to escape, but I am not here to diss her for her weight issues. It's just hard not to go there when she is such a bitch. So I had previously mentioned her threatening bartenders, whose schedule she is in charge of writing, that if they don't do what she says, like do her inventory on top of all the cleaning and sidework they do every night, that they wont get the shifts they want. She of course will make it seem like she is joking, so that later if you hold it against here she will make it seem like you are nuts. So the other day, she heard somehow that one of the female bartenders was talking bad about her, so she pulled her into the office to confront her. Another bartender (who happens to be the one bitch manager clearly wants to fuck) is going to do training at another restaurant for two weeks, so there will be some open shifts while he's gone. She actually said to this female bartender "You better be nice to me if you want any of those shifts while he's gone." Um, hi, professionalism? This is Bitch Manager, where are you? You seem to have gone on permanent leave.
I was discussing this with another bartender the other night and he was pointing out that normally behavior like this would be a ticking time bomb, only a matter of time before she gets some serious disciplinary action. But unfortunately, she is just a mini-me of the GM, so she would get a slap on the wrist, maybe, but nothing more. And if someone went over them and talked to the district manager, he would just tell the GM to deal with it. And then whoever had gone to him about it would be on "termination watch." There are so many things they can fire you for there that all they have to do is watch you closely and wait until you fuck up, then fire you for something people do all the time. They could fire you for dropping the fucking F-bomb. It's just not worth our jobs. So we just bitch and bitch to each other, and drink more than we should, and write secret blogs so we can make it through another day.
Sigh.
Ah, Valentine's day. The day when lovers show each other just how much they care. The day they will make plans for weeks in advance, calling that cute little Italian Bistro and making a reservation for two. Pick up flowers, a card. Gaze into each others eyes and say "I'm so lucky I found you."
And then there's everyone else. The dumb assholes who forgot or didn't care to make plans in advance. Who were literally so oblivious to how busy restaurants would be on this day that they called ten minutes before the time they told their honey the reservations were, to see if they could make any. I shit you not, the To Go's started keeping track at two, and well well over 50 people called to ask if they could make reservations. One person did actually want to make them ten minutes from that time. Of course we have to restrain our impulse to burst out laughing, because that would not be very nice and we are required to lick the asshole of every person who walks in the door. But if they could see the lobby at the moment they were calling, maybe they would laugh at themselves too.
I walked in at 4:00 for my To Go shift. There were probably about five parties waiting outside, and when people are waiting outside in the winter, you know the bitch is packed. Sure enough, hoards of hungry lovers filled the lobby. It actually wasn't as full as it was when I got there on Saturday for my serving shift though.
Saturday I worked at 4:00 as well, and was in the cafe. Someone offered to switch me places, and I politely declined. There are a couple benefits to the cafe; no children (it's part of the bar so 21+ only), and no large parties because the tables are round 4 tops and people just seat themselves. Every now and then some assfaces who don't want to wait push two of them together to make an 8, but you can pretty much depend on an easy ride. It turned out to be a good choice to stay where I was because for some unknown reason, there were big tops up the wazoo on Saturday (I would like to note that according to my auto correct, wazoo is actually a word?!). The person who tried to switch me ended up getting an 8 and a 20 right off the bat, and there were 15's and 10's and shenanigans in every room. Not sure when the day before V-day became family time, but I digress.
I ended up making 93 before tip-out, which is not bad at all, but not great either. If not for one table who just wanted drinks and an appetizer while waiting to be sat at a "real" table, I may have broken 100. I did have mostly couples and everyone was pretty happy. One older guy was telling his wife or whomever war stories the whole time, and when he finished his fettuccine alfredo he asked me to bring him some more, but just like a third of what he just had. Uh...it's not endless pasta time pal. I told him I would bring him a side. He was super-happy about it. Who just asks for more when they finish their food? I told my manager this and she said "maybe at your mom's house?"
"Mummy, can I have some more alfredo, pleeze?"
Another server, the same one with the bitchy teenagers the other day, had a table that was upset about having to wait so long to sit down (uh, hello, get a calendar dipshit), and it was like the mom's birthday or something and she was acting all "queen for a day" like and seemed like she had been drinking before she got there. At some point she decided that their food was taking too long (I repeat, CALENDAR), and that other tables around them, some that had already left, arrived after them and got their food first. This was of course not true but the lady made a scene and yelled in front of the dining room and said she just wanted to go, to box the food up. Her family was really embarrassed and the managers took care of the check and it was just lame sauce. We were on an hour and a half wait most of the night, don't you think if it takes that long to sit down your food will take a while too?! I got out of there just after ten.
So last night was anticipated to be busier and more two tops, less parties. They even took out the big table we have that seats 12 and put two smaller tables in it's place. For to go, we had three people. We had already decided one person would answer the phone, ring things in, and cash them out, one person would bag up the orders, get the bread and soup and salad and what not all organized, and one person would keep the front end in line, taking out orders, taking peoples money, letting the bagger know which orders were here waiting so we could prioritize them. I was the bagger person. This was fine with me cause it kept me moving, unlike the phone answerer, and I didn't have to deal with the guests, or trying to figure out which of the 100 people in the lobby were for to go and which were waiting to be sat.
Last year on Valentine's day I was also doing to go, but at at different IR. We had 4 people, and also had jobs delegated. One person on the phone, on person ringing in and cashing out, and two people to bag up food and get bread and salad and everything. We ended up being so incredibly busy that one person ended up just making the to go salads because the salad maker couldn't keep up, and the person who was bagging got so behind it was a total cluster-fuck.
I'm pretty sure we were way less busy, but things went smoothly, no one waited very long, and we pretty much rocked it out. I never left the alley so I got to witness a lot (like way abnormally high) number of broken dishes, cooks refusing to re-make missing food because they know they made it and someone took it, and servers ranting about their asshole guests. Once again, the gal with the bitchy teenagers got a winning table. This woman has been waiting tables for like 25 years so I can only assume she gets these people because the universe knows she can handle it. Her table was again a family, again already angry they had to wait an hour and a half on the busiest day of the year (who could have predicted this?!). They were just irritable the whole time, and then got mad their food was taking too long, and one of the kids was like 14ish with shoulder length hair and a purse (maybe a satchel?), who after they were all riled up snapped "I'm a boy you know!" because she had referred to him as a girl at one point. Well lose the murse and the ponytail little man, then get testy about gender issues! They then told the manager that she took too long to bring them anything, even their drinks, but when she greeted them initially to get their drink orders, they said they didn't know what they wanted yet. People are just dumb. The manager made her be nice to them and act like it was her fault and offer them dessert.
I left at 9:30 with $60, which is okay with me. I get a good hourly wage and I was only there for 4 hours. I didn't even work that hard, considering. It was just steady, I was never freaking out. So another Valentine's down. I hope the next one I am just a regular person enjoying the day, not a slave to the masses. But I say that every year.
I have worked every Valentines Day since I was 17. Working as a delivery driver for a Chinese food joint, none the less. I remember delivering an order to the coast guard office down in the marina. I had to page the person to come out and hand them their food and exchange money through the gate. The guy who ordered was a total hottie. He asked me my name. After he payed he said "Happy Valentine's Day Waitress." I still remember it for some reason.
Now onto the Bitch Manager. Turns out her scope is far and wide. It's not just me, everyone is seeing that she is the root of all evil. I would mention that the red shirt she was wearing yesterday was a size to small and her rolls were desperately trying to escape, but I am not here to diss her for her weight issues. It's just hard not to go there when she is such a bitch. So I had previously mentioned her threatening bartenders, whose schedule she is in charge of writing, that if they don't do what she says, like do her inventory on top of all the cleaning and sidework they do every night, that they wont get the shifts they want. She of course will make it seem like she is joking, so that later if you hold it against here she will make it seem like you are nuts. So the other day, she heard somehow that one of the female bartenders was talking bad about her, so she pulled her into the office to confront her. Another bartender (who happens to be the one bitch manager clearly wants to fuck) is going to do training at another restaurant for two weeks, so there will be some open shifts while he's gone. She actually said to this female bartender "You better be nice to me if you want any of those shifts while he's gone." Um, hi, professionalism? This is Bitch Manager, where are you? You seem to have gone on permanent leave.
I was discussing this with another bartender the other night and he was pointing out that normally behavior like this would be a ticking time bomb, only a matter of time before she gets some serious disciplinary action. But unfortunately, she is just a mini-me of the GM, so she would get a slap on the wrist, maybe, but nothing more. And if someone went over them and talked to the district manager, he would just tell the GM to deal with it. And then whoever had gone to him about it would be on "termination watch." There are so many things they can fire you for there that all they have to do is watch you closely and wait until you fuck up, then fire you for something people do all the time. They could fire you for dropping the fucking F-bomb. It's just not worth our jobs. So we just bitch and bitch to each other, and drink more than we should, and write secret blogs so we can make it through another day.
Sigh.
Friday, February 12, 2010
It could be a sweet dream, or a serving nightmare
It's 7:30 on a Saturday night. By some nasty trick no doubt played by the devil, I am both covering to go and taking tables. I have just been triple-sat with all 6-tops. I am taking all their orders, they want to order their drinks and food at the same time because they are all in a hurry. I can hear the phone ringing in the alley. I go to the compris to ring it all in and find there has been a change made to the system. It seems that now if a guest wants to pay with a credit card, you have to run the card before you can enter their order. I return to the tables to get the cards. The phone is still ringing. Half of each of the parties is gone, they appear to be in the restroom. I try to explain to the other diners, I need credit card numbers, the phone is ringing, I need to answer it. They stare at me blankly. They all took their wallets and purses with them. I don't know what to do.
"Do you by chance just know their credit card numbers by memory?" The phone is still ringing.
I wake up. Another damn serving nightmare. After 4 years serving, I still get them every now and then. Not weekly like I did in the beginning, but now when they come they are elaborate. Sometimes I can't find my tables, or can't remember which ones are mine. Always something ridiculous that could never actually happen (unless you work at the Space Needle, I still can't figure out how they find their tables with the dining room rotating).
If anyone remembers a serving nightmare they had, please share. I find it entertaining.
And in fun news on Bitch Manager, last night she made me stand there and do nothing an hour after closing for about 20 minutes while she claimed to be "counting the safe." I can see from my phone when someone is on the line, and she was indeed talking on the phone, most definitely a personal call. When she finally came back and I was standing there tired as shit and now irritated to boot, with a most likely very pissed-off look on my face, she said "sorry, I'm so easily distracted today." In order to avoid telling her she is a fucking whore, I just didn't say anything. "Are you okay, waitress" she asked. "Oh, it's just that I have this whore of a manager who treats me like I'm a fucking robot rather than a person who gets tired and has a boyfriend she hardly sees at home waiting for her." Well, this is what I was thinking anyway.
"Do you by chance just know their credit card numbers by memory?" The phone is still ringing.
I wake up. Another damn serving nightmare. After 4 years serving, I still get them every now and then. Not weekly like I did in the beginning, but now when they come they are elaborate. Sometimes I can't find my tables, or can't remember which ones are mine. Always something ridiculous that could never actually happen (unless you work at the Space Needle, I still can't figure out how they find their tables with the dining room rotating).
If anyone remembers a serving nightmare they had, please share. I find it entertaining.
And in fun news on Bitch Manager, last night she made me stand there and do nothing an hour after closing for about 20 minutes while she claimed to be "counting the safe." I can see from my phone when someone is on the line, and she was indeed talking on the phone, most definitely a personal call. When she finally came back and I was standing there tired as shit and now irritated to boot, with a most likely very pissed-off look on my face, she said "sorry, I'm so easily distracted today." In order to avoid telling her she is a fucking whore, I just didn't say anything. "Are you okay, waitress" she asked. "Oh, it's just that I have this whore of a manager who treats me like I'm a fucking robot rather than a person who gets tired and has a boyfriend she hardly sees at home waiting for her." Well, this is what I was thinking anyway.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
old people, young bitches and asshole managers
So many things to bitch talk about that I will combine it into one super-post! We'll go from best to worst (in my opinion anyway);
Normally when old people are confused about how to make things work in the 21st century it annoys me. At least once a week you bring an elderly person their check and they open it and say "well I need a pen if I'm going to sign it!" to which you try to politely inform them that you have to run their card before they sign it. I know there are a few places out there where you sign and add the tip before they run the card, but they are few and far in between so where are they getting this idea? A couple times I have seen people write in a a tip and total on the bottom of their check (NOT their credit slip) and waltz out without paying. Hm, if you never even gave me your card, how do you think I got your payment? They also often will sit there after signing the credit slip and keep looking at you until you come over, then say "so don't you need to run my card again to add the tip?" And I have to explain the fancy new process of adjusting the transaction.
Anyway, normally this makes me nuts, but on Friday night I had a four top that was a couple in their 40's and one of the couples parents, who were probably in their late 70's. The old lady was really sweet the whole time and when I was boxing them up the man got his card out indicating that he wanted to pay for the meal. Grandma took the card and said "so how does this work? Do you bring the machine to the table?" I thought maybe she was paranoid about identity theft, as a lot of old people are, and didn't want the card leaving her sight where I would no doubt be writing down her credit card info to use on ebay later. The room that I was in happened to have a computer just outside of it so I offered that she could come stand right by me as I ran it. She came with me, I ran her card and gave it back to her, gave her her credit slips, and thought she would return to the table to sign them. No no, she stood there in the sidestation filling out the slip, getting confused with her math and having me use the calculator to help her figure it out. She left me a very nice tip and told me she just wasn't sure if I brought a debit machine to her cause she wanted it run as credit and she just gets confused. So in fact she is not paranoid but just clueless, aw. At this time all my coworkers are wondering whats up with the little old lady chillin' in the sidestation and blocking the computer simultaneously. She finishes, I take her slip and send her back to her table. I am then in the kitchen, getting a salad setup when someone tells me two old people are waiting to talk to me. Crap, did Grandpa think the tip was to generous? I go out there and Grandma says "oh you know I realized that we used his card but I signed it with my name!" I told her that's okay, he was right there and gave her the card so I know she was authorized to use it "oh, good, we just wanted to make sure you would still get the money!" As if someone at the bank is comparing signatures and denying payment if they don't match. Anyway, they were just so freaking cute I wasn't even pissed at their inability to use a debit card.
That same day, but lunch shift, another server had a less-than-awesome experience with some teenage girls. It was a 5 top but initially only three girls were there. they ordered soup and salad, and weren't any too polite about it. She was already annoyed with their lack of manners when the other two girls showed up.
"Hi ladies, did you want to order some food today?"
Super rudely "No, but they need more soup and salad right now!"
"Okay, but if you are eating soup and salad you have to be charged for it"
"What? That's stupid, I'm not ordering anything"
She immediately alerts the manager to what they are attempting to pull, and asks him to come with her while she drops the food. He comes up and places a basket of bread on the table, which one of the 'i'm not ordering' girls immediately delves into. He reiterates what the server said, that this is a per guest charge, it isn't free, and if they eat it they have to pay for it.
"That is so dumb, I thought it was free when you come in!"
"well it's not."
"Whatever!!"
She continues with her other tables, who tell her that while she was in the kitchen the girls were loudly bragging and laughing about how stupid the server and manager are and how they can do whatever they want. She sees that one of the 'not ordering' girls is in fact chowing down on a plate of salad. She lets the manager know. It is this particular managers last day at this IR and he is feeling a little fiery, and also is not the type to be walked all over by stupid teeny bopper bitches. He walks up to the table, takes the salad plate from in front of the girl and says "I don't think so." They of course object loudly, and he says again "If you don't want to pay for it, you can't eat it." He then tells their server not to bring them anymore of anything, to just give them their checks. They all give her exact, except for one girl, the only one who wasn't rude, who leaves her $1.20. A little while later, the manager comes to the server and says, "well, I can tell you it's not their fault" she is confused. How is it not their fault they were incredibly rude? "Well, I just got a call from one of their mothers, and I can tell you, they got it from her." The call went something like this;
"This is manager, how can I help you"
"My daughter was just in your restaurant, and your server AND the manager, who I guess is you, were both extremely rude to her and her friends!"
"Was it five teenagers ma'am?"
"Yes, and you were so rude to them! You can't treat people like that!"
"Ma'am, I don't know what your daughter told you, but only three of the girls were ordering and the other two were eating their salad and soup and refusing to pay for it. Soup and salad is not free in our restaurant and we attempted to explain that to them and they pretty much just ignored us and ate it anyway, so I had to either remove the food or charge them"
"They are teenagers! Don't you have any idea how to deal with teenagers! I hope you NEVER have children! You would be a HORRIBLE father!"
Click
So, apparently teenage girls are supposed to be fucking cunts, it's their nature and their right, and we should respect and encourage it.
Finally, one of our managers, you know the one who thinks she's young and cool and everyone's bestie, is becoming the biggest bitch on planet Earth. Apparently she is trying to be seen as someone that should be promoted to GM, and her way of displaying this is by nitpicking and power-tripping like none other. Take last night. In each of our sidestations there is an area we call "bar side" that is where we grab our bar drinks, and is slightly visible to people in the cafe. It has a bunch of shelving that we normally put our drinks or purses on. We have no lockers or any secure place to keep purses or anything like that. They just tell us not to bring it, but I've even had my keys stolen from work, so the only seemingly safe thing is to put your purse in barside where we can see it most of the time. Anyway, bitch manager has gone on this conquest where she has declared these shelves a "guest area" because they could potentially see it, and that we cannot put personal items or beverages there because of course this would shock and appall our patrons. She puts up stupid signs so people wont put drinks there and periodically comes over and throws them all out. Oh, you brought a $4 latte from Starbucks and barely touched it? In the trash. I was doing togo last night and I usually have a coffee or water near my computer, which is in the alley, not a guest area. Bitch comes up and says "Waitress, is this your coffee? You can't have that there"
"okay, so where am I supposed to put it, in the breakroom?"
"No, actually you shouldn't be leaving things over there either"
"So...I just can't have a drink at all..."
"Well, technically you are just supposed to have a drink from a cone cup whenever you get thirsty"
"I'm pretty sure I would be really dehydrated if I only had cone cups to drink from, I drink a lot of water"
"Oh, I think you'll be okay"
A cone cup is a paper cone that holds maybe three ounces of liquid and is cleverly designed so you can't set it down. So If I am trying to get my 64 ounces of water, I could be going through 10 or more cone cups to get close to half of that. And we say we are trying to be more environmentally friendly. Seriously, have you ever heard of a workplace that wont even allow you a water bottle? If you put it in the bar side where you can watch and easily access it, you get in trouble and it gets thrown out. If you put it in the break room, it gets thrown out. This is super lame. One server who was feeling mischievous last night kept taking a glass, filling it half full of water and putting it in bar side, and each time the manager would throw it out, she would make another one. They did this at least three times before the manager gave up.
Also, we recently got hit by the health department for about half of our employees not having up to date food handlers permits. When I transferred to this IR, I volunteered both my food handlers card and my liquor servers permit, both up to date. They made copies, put them in my file. The other day bitch manager comes up and (all bitchy) says "waitress, you need to get your food handlers card"
"I have it, and I already gave you guys a copy"
"Well...I need it again!"
I give it to her, she takes it to make a copy, has a host give it back to me.
Yesterday when I get to work, I see that there is a big list of people who need to get their permits in the breakroom, and my name is on it, and spelled incorrectly too. I cross it out, because I have already given them mine twice. A bit later, bitch is in there lecturing people about it and sees my name crossed off.
"waitress, did you cross your name off this?"
"yeah..."
"well, you have to get your card"
"I have it, I already gave it to you twice"
"well, you're on my list"
"do you want me to give it to you again?"
"No, I'm sure I have it, but still, It's MY list"
As in, "you can't alter it cause its mine and i'm the boss and if I want to make you show me your food handlers card every fucking day I will!" This manager has become such a two-faced pain in the ass everyone has started to hate her. Another girl last night was really busy and trying to quickly get into the kitchen. Bitch manager saw her through the window in the door to the alley and pushed it hard right into her, and no, she wasn't carrying anything. She is constantly making little comments just to let us know she can tell us what to do. Most people see her becoming like the GM, who is on a constant power trip. I really wish I could get a different job, cause this one is wearing me down.
Valentines day is right around the corner. I will be closing to go. Should be interesting.
And I will re-enable anonymous posts per request of a certain bartender. Just make up some pen name that will help me to guess who you are =)
Normally when old people are confused about how to make things work in the 21st century it annoys me. At least once a week you bring an elderly person their check and they open it and say "well I need a pen if I'm going to sign it!" to which you try to politely inform them that you have to run their card before they sign it. I know there are a few places out there where you sign and add the tip before they run the card, but they are few and far in between so where are they getting this idea? A couple times I have seen people write in a a tip and total on the bottom of their check (NOT their credit slip) and waltz out without paying. Hm, if you never even gave me your card, how do you think I got your payment? They also often will sit there after signing the credit slip and keep looking at you until you come over, then say "so don't you need to run my card again to add the tip?" And I have to explain the fancy new process of adjusting the transaction.
Anyway, normally this makes me nuts, but on Friday night I had a four top that was a couple in their 40's and one of the couples parents, who were probably in their late 70's. The old lady was really sweet the whole time and when I was boxing them up the man got his card out indicating that he wanted to pay for the meal. Grandma took the card and said "so how does this work? Do you bring the machine to the table?" I thought maybe she was paranoid about identity theft, as a lot of old people are, and didn't want the card leaving her sight where I would no doubt be writing down her credit card info to use on ebay later. The room that I was in happened to have a computer just outside of it so I offered that she could come stand right by me as I ran it. She came with me, I ran her card and gave it back to her, gave her her credit slips, and thought she would return to the table to sign them. No no, she stood there in the sidestation filling out the slip, getting confused with her math and having me use the calculator to help her figure it out. She left me a very nice tip and told me she just wasn't sure if I brought a debit machine to her cause she wanted it run as credit and she just gets confused. So in fact she is not paranoid but just clueless, aw. At this time all my coworkers are wondering whats up with the little old lady chillin' in the sidestation and blocking the computer simultaneously. She finishes, I take her slip and send her back to her table. I am then in the kitchen, getting a salad setup when someone tells me two old people are waiting to talk to me. Crap, did Grandpa think the tip was to generous? I go out there and Grandma says "oh you know I realized that we used his card but I signed it with my name!" I told her that's okay, he was right there and gave her the card so I know she was authorized to use it "oh, good, we just wanted to make sure you would still get the money!" As if someone at the bank is comparing signatures and denying payment if they don't match. Anyway, they were just so freaking cute I wasn't even pissed at their inability to use a debit card.
That same day, but lunch shift, another server had a less-than-awesome experience with some teenage girls. It was a 5 top but initially only three girls were there. they ordered soup and salad, and weren't any too polite about it. She was already annoyed with their lack of manners when the other two girls showed up.
"Hi ladies, did you want to order some food today?"
Super rudely "No, but they need more soup and salad right now!"
"Okay, but if you are eating soup and salad you have to be charged for it"
"What? That's stupid, I'm not ordering anything"
She immediately alerts the manager to what they are attempting to pull, and asks him to come with her while she drops the food. He comes up and places a basket of bread on the table, which one of the 'i'm not ordering' girls immediately delves into. He reiterates what the server said, that this is a per guest charge, it isn't free, and if they eat it they have to pay for it.
"That is so dumb, I thought it was free when you come in!"
"well it's not."
"Whatever!!"
She continues with her other tables, who tell her that while she was in the kitchen the girls were loudly bragging and laughing about how stupid the server and manager are and how they can do whatever they want. She sees that one of the 'not ordering' girls is in fact chowing down on a plate of salad. She lets the manager know. It is this particular managers last day at this IR and he is feeling a little fiery, and also is not the type to be walked all over by stupid teeny bopper bitches. He walks up to the table, takes the salad plate from in front of the girl and says "I don't think so." They of course object loudly, and he says again "If you don't want to pay for it, you can't eat it." He then tells their server not to bring them anymore of anything, to just give them their checks. They all give her exact, except for one girl, the only one who wasn't rude, who leaves her $1.20. A little while later, the manager comes to the server and says, "well, I can tell you it's not their fault" she is confused. How is it not their fault they were incredibly rude? "Well, I just got a call from one of their mothers, and I can tell you, they got it from her." The call went something like this;
"This is manager, how can I help you"
"My daughter was just in your restaurant, and your server AND the manager, who I guess is you, were both extremely rude to her and her friends!"
"Was it five teenagers ma'am?"
"Yes, and you were so rude to them! You can't treat people like that!"
"Ma'am, I don't know what your daughter told you, but only three of the girls were ordering and the other two were eating their salad and soup and refusing to pay for it. Soup and salad is not free in our restaurant and we attempted to explain that to them and they pretty much just ignored us and ate it anyway, so I had to either remove the food or charge them"
"They are teenagers! Don't you have any idea how to deal with teenagers! I hope you NEVER have children! You would be a HORRIBLE father!"
Click
So, apparently teenage girls are supposed to be fucking cunts, it's their nature and their right, and we should respect and encourage it.
Finally, one of our managers, you know the one who thinks she's young and cool and everyone's bestie, is becoming the biggest bitch on planet Earth. Apparently she is trying to be seen as someone that should be promoted to GM, and her way of displaying this is by nitpicking and power-tripping like none other. Take last night. In each of our sidestations there is an area we call "bar side" that is where we grab our bar drinks, and is slightly visible to people in the cafe. It has a bunch of shelving that we normally put our drinks or purses on. We have no lockers or any secure place to keep purses or anything like that. They just tell us not to bring it, but I've even had my keys stolen from work, so the only seemingly safe thing is to put your purse in barside where we can see it most of the time. Anyway, bitch manager has gone on this conquest where she has declared these shelves a "guest area" because they could potentially see it, and that we cannot put personal items or beverages there because of course this would shock and appall our patrons. She puts up stupid signs so people wont put drinks there and periodically comes over and throws them all out. Oh, you brought a $4 latte from Starbucks and barely touched it? In the trash. I was doing togo last night and I usually have a coffee or water near my computer, which is in the alley, not a guest area. Bitch comes up and says "Waitress, is this your coffee? You can't have that there"
"okay, so where am I supposed to put it, in the breakroom?"
"No, actually you shouldn't be leaving things over there either"
"So...I just can't have a drink at all..."
"Well, technically you are just supposed to have a drink from a cone cup whenever you get thirsty"
"I'm pretty sure I would be really dehydrated if I only had cone cups to drink from, I drink a lot of water"
"Oh, I think you'll be okay"
A cone cup is a paper cone that holds maybe three ounces of liquid and is cleverly designed so you can't set it down. So If I am trying to get my 64 ounces of water, I could be going through 10 or more cone cups to get close to half of that. And we say we are trying to be more environmentally friendly. Seriously, have you ever heard of a workplace that wont even allow you a water bottle? If you put it in the bar side where you can watch and easily access it, you get in trouble and it gets thrown out. If you put it in the break room, it gets thrown out. This is super lame. One server who was feeling mischievous last night kept taking a glass, filling it half full of water and putting it in bar side, and each time the manager would throw it out, she would make another one. They did this at least three times before the manager gave up.
Also, we recently got hit by the health department for about half of our employees not having up to date food handlers permits. When I transferred to this IR, I volunteered both my food handlers card and my liquor servers permit, both up to date. They made copies, put them in my file. The other day bitch manager comes up and (all bitchy) says "waitress, you need to get your food handlers card"
"I have it, and I already gave you guys a copy"
"Well...I need it again!"
I give it to her, she takes it to make a copy, has a host give it back to me.
Yesterday when I get to work, I see that there is a big list of people who need to get their permits in the breakroom, and my name is on it, and spelled incorrectly too. I cross it out, because I have already given them mine twice. A bit later, bitch is in there lecturing people about it and sees my name crossed off.
"waitress, did you cross your name off this?"
"yeah..."
"well, you have to get your card"
"I have it, I already gave it to you twice"
"well, you're on my list"
"do you want me to give it to you again?"
"No, I'm sure I have it, but still, It's MY list"
As in, "you can't alter it cause its mine and i'm the boss and if I want to make you show me your food handlers card every fucking day I will!" This manager has become such a two-faced pain in the ass everyone has started to hate her. Another girl last night was really busy and trying to quickly get into the kitchen. Bitch manager saw her through the window in the door to the alley and pushed it hard right into her, and no, she wasn't carrying anything. She is constantly making little comments just to let us know she can tell us what to do. Most people see her becoming like the GM, who is on a constant power trip. I really wish I could get a different job, cause this one is wearing me down.
Valentines day is right around the corner. I will be closing to go. Should be interesting.
And I will re-enable anonymous posts per request of a certain bartender. Just make up some pen name that will help me to guess who you are =)
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Teamwork is Dream Work
This revoltingly lame little tidbit was at the end of our "focus cards" for the week. This is the newest way to make sure we know all the lame crap they want us to pretend to care about so we can act appropriately whenever managers are looking.
One of the newest ridiculous things the corporate losers at the IR (the acronym for the Italian Restaurant, of course) have come up with is the creation of "service partners." This is basically just taking the person that you are working in the same room with and trying to make you responsible for doing each others jobs in order to increase productivity and make sure we are never standing still for a single moment from the second we walk in the door. You are supposed to introduce yourself to not only of course your own tables but also the tables of your "service partner" to let them know that you are also working in that room (as if that isn't apparent) and that if they need anything they can also ask you. I personally think this is the biggest load of bullshit this side of Kansas and refuse to do it, and here's why.
I tend to think about most of the lame crap they make us do in terms of "if I were out to dinner and my server or other servers did this, how would I feel about it?" I can say for sure that if I were out to dinner and after my server introduced them self and took my order, if another sever came over to just let me know they work there too, I would be like "good for you, leave me alone! If I need something that badly I will flag you down!" Since there are an odd number of sections, some service partners are trios, which could entail TWO other people besides your server giving you information that you don't need or want and bothering you while you are trying to eat. Most of the time, if you stare at a server, whether they are yours or not, they will feel you looking at them (any good server can feel a pair of eyes on them two rooms away) and will look back, make eye contact, and if you look like you need something they will most likely ask if you do. I'm not saying that the idea of partnering together with your roomie or "service partner" is bad, but seriously, going over and introducing yourself? You are pretty much asking us to just serve the room together, each table belonging to both servers. Next they will tell us we need to pool tips.
The real problem is that some servers suck. They aren't attentive, they don't anticipate the needs of their tables, they can't read people as to whether they want to chat, be left alone, are in a hurry, etc. Sometimes they suck because they just don't care and sometimes it's because they just aren't cut out for it. As much as people think serving is a job a monkey could do, you actually need to possess some pretty honed people skills and a high level of multi-tasking proficiency. When someone doesn't possess those traits, or doesn't care, they give shitty service. So, what do we do when we have one of these people. Fire them? Nope, couldn't do that... retrain them? sometimes, although that might not even help. OH! I know, we will put them in a room with another server who doesn't suck and make that person feel responsible for making sure their tables get good service! We'll even make them go introduce themselves so that when Crackhead McServer is off stealing soup and fantasizing about the bowl they're gonna smoke later, their tables can just get Competent McServer to go get them more soup or bread or water or their check while at the same time busting their ass taking care of their own tables. It's genius!
Another thing that has been driving me crazy about this is that it has caused the brown-nosers who want to kiss the managers ass or just want to think they are the best server EVER (like that's a big accomplishment) to harass me constantly as to whether I "need anything." Yes, I know, I am a bitch for being annoyed at people for trying to help me. And if I am in the weeds and am freaking out and someone asks if they can help me, I am really grateful. But if I am just moving along, doing my job with no trace of urgency, and people continually ask me if I need help or need anything, it gets really old really fucking fast. I have no problem asking for help, and if I need some, I will call you first buddy, so please stop asking me every five seconds! I get it, you are the most teamwork oriented person ever and you should get a prize or something, now leave me alone! I mean standing in the alley and loudly offering help to anyone who needs it is one thing, but asking the same person over and over when they only have one table is just too much.
So, now that you are done thinking I am a huge jerk and have vowed never to offer me help again, lets continue. If you took out all the incompetent servers and just had all the people who can handle their three tables and know when to ask for help and when to offer it, you would have a smooth-running restaurant. Of course this is not possible, so in the meantime lets just make all the strong people responsible for covering the weak ones asses.
Oh, and while we're at it, lets make sure to punish the strong servers more by making them work shifts and sections that no one likes because you know they can handle it. Valentine's day is just around the corner. The IR is going to make sure you know how valuable you are as an employee and how much they appreciate your dependability and hard work by making you work a shift that makes no money on THE busiest day of the year because the other person assigned to that shift can't handle the volume. Wow, thanks so much, this really motivates me to continue to do good work.
And after you are done killing yourself and sweating buckets making sure your tables and your incompetent "service partners" tables are all taken care of, you better not sit down in the break room for a second to catch your breath, not unless you are on an approved break that is. No no, we don't get them every two hours silly. We get one ten minute break per shift, only when the breaker is available to break us, which is only during dinner. Oh, you worked a 6 hour lunch shift in the booths and were to slammed to even take a fucking leak? No, you still can't sit down for a minute. Your tables might need something. Or someone else's might. Or the manager might need you to write what time the tomatoes were brought up, just cause you're right there. There are thousands of menial tasks that need to be done, and if you don't do them, what will happen?! Oh, that's right, absolutely nothing.
Sorry, I have been a bit bitter lately. I need a vacation.
Oh, and I disabled anonymous comments cause I am just too curious sometimes. But I do appreciate comments, knowing people actually read my bitch-fests makes me want to write them more.
One of the newest ridiculous things the corporate losers at the IR (the acronym for the Italian Restaurant, of course) have come up with is the creation of "service partners." This is basically just taking the person that you are working in the same room with and trying to make you responsible for doing each others jobs in order to increase productivity and make sure we are never standing still for a single moment from the second we walk in the door. You are supposed to introduce yourself to not only of course your own tables but also the tables of your "service partner" to let them know that you are also working in that room (as if that isn't apparent) and that if they need anything they can also ask you. I personally think this is the biggest load of bullshit this side of Kansas and refuse to do it, and here's why.
I tend to think about most of the lame crap they make us do in terms of "if I were out to dinner and my server or other servers did this, how would I feel about it?" I can say for sure that if I were out to dinner and after my server introduced them self and took my order, if another sever came over to just let me know they work there too, I would be like "good for you, leave me alone! If I need something that badly I will flag you down!" Since there are an odd number of sections, some service partners are trios, which could entail TWO other people besides your server giving you information that you don't need or want and bothering you while you are trying to eat. Most of the time, if you stare at a server, whether they are yours or not, they will feel you looking at them (any good server can feel a pair of eyes on them two rooms away) and will look back, make eye contact, and if you look like you need something they will most likely ask if you do. I'm not saying that the idea of partnering together with your roomie or "service partner" is bad, but seriously, going over and introducing yourself? You are pretty much asking us to just serve the room together, each table belonging to both servers. Next they will tell us we need to pool tips.
The real problem is that some servers suck. They aren't attentive, they don't anticipate the needs of their tables, they can't read people as to whether they want to chat, be left alone, are in a hurry, etc. Sometimes they suck because they just don't care and sometimes it's because they just aren't cut out for it. As much as people think serving is a job a monkey could do, you actually need to possess some pretty honed people skills and a high level of multi-tasking proficiency. When someone doesn't possess those traits, or doesn't care, they give shitty service. So, what do we do when we have one of these people. Fire them? Nope, couldn't do that... retrain them? sometimes, although that might not even help. OH! I know, we will put them in a room with another server who doesn't suck and make that person feel responsible for making sure their tables get good service! We'll even make them go introduce themselves so that when Crackhead McServer is off stealing soup and fantasizing about the bowl they're gonna smoke later, their tables can just get Competent McServer to go get them more soup or bread or water or their check while at the same time busting their ass taking care of their own tables. It's genius!
Another thing that has been driving me crazy about this is that it has caused the brown-nosers who want to kiss the managers ass or just want to think they are the best server EVER (like that's a big accomplishment) to harass me constantly as to whether I "need anything." Yes, I know, I am a bitch for being annoyed at people for trying to help me. And if I am in the weeds and am freaking out and someone asks if they can help me, I am really grateful. But if I am just moving along, doing my job with no trace of urgency, and people continually ask me if I need help or need anything, it gets really old really fucking fast. I have no problem asking for help, and if I need some, I will call you first buddy, so please stop asking me every five seconds! I get it, you are the most teamwork oriented person ever and you should get a prize or something, now leave me alone! I mean standing in the alley and loudly offering help to anyone who needs it is one thing, but asking the same person over and over when they only have one table is just too much.
So, now that you are done thinking I am a huge jerk and have vowed never to offer me help again, lets continue. If you took out all the incompetent servers and just had all the people who can handle their three tables and know when to ask for help and when to offer it, you would have a smooth-running restaurant. Of course this is not possible, so in the meantime lets just make all the strong people responsible for covering the weak ones asses.
Oh, and while we're at it, lets make sure to punish the strong servers more by making them work shifts and sections that no one likes because you know they can handle it. Valentine's day is just around the corner. The IR is going to make sure you know how valuable you are as an employee and how much they appreciate your dependability and hard work by making you work a shift that makes no money on THE busiest day of the year because the other person assigned to that shift can't handle the volume. Wow, thanks so much, this really motivates me to continue to do good work.
And after you are done killing yourself and sweating buckets making sure your tables and your incompetent "service partners" tables are all taken care of, you better not sit down in the break room for a second to catch your breath, not unless you are on an approved break that is. No no, we don't get them every two hours silly. We get one ten minute break per shift, only when the breaker is available to break us, which is only during dinner. Oh, you worked a 6 hour lunch shift in the booths and were to slammed to even take a fucking leak? No, you still can't sit down for a minute. Your tables might need something. Or someone else's might. Or the manager might need you to write what time the tomatoes were brought up, just cause you're right there. There are thousands of menial tasks that need to be done, and if you don't do them, what will happen?! Oh, that's right, absolutely nothing.
Sorry, I have been a bit bitter lately. I need a vacation.
Oh, and I disabled anonymous comments cause I am just too curious sometimes. But I do appreciate comments, knowing people actually read my bitch-fests makes me want to write them more.
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