old people, young bitches and asshole managers

So many things to bitch talk about that I will combine it into one super-post! We'll go from best to worst (in my opinion anyway);

Normally when old people are confused about how to make things work in the 21st century it annoys me. At least once a week you bring an elderly person their check and they open it and say "well I need a pen if I'm going to sign it!" to which you try to politely inform them that you have to run their card before they sign it. I know there are a few places out there where you sign and add the tip before they run the card, but they are few and far in between so where are they getting this idea? A couple times I have seen people write in a a tip and total on the bottom of their check (NOT their credit slip) and waltz out without paying. Hm, if you never even gave me your card, how do you think I got your payment? They also often will sit there after signing the credit slip and keep looking at you until you come over, then say "so don't you need to run my card again to add the tip?" And I have to explain the fancy new process of adjusting the transaction.

Anyway, normally this makes me nuts, but on Friday night I had a four top that was a couple in their 40's and one of the couples parents, who were probably in their late 70's. The old lady was really sweet the whole time and when I was boxing them up the man got his card out indicating that he wanted to pay for the meal. Grandma took the card and said "so how does this work? Do you bring the machine to the table?" I thought maybe she was paranoid about identity theft, as a lot of old people are, and didn't want the card leaving her sight where I would no doubt be writing down her credit card info to use on ebay later. The room that I was in happened to have a computer just outside of it so I offered that she could come stand right by me as I ran it. She came with me, I ran her card and gave it back to her, gave her her credit slips, and thought she would return to the table to sign them. No no, she stood there in the sidestation filling out the slip, getting confused with her math and having me use the calculator to help her figure it out. She left me a very nice tip and told me she just wasn't sure if I brought a debit machine to her cause she wanted it run as credit and she just gets confused. So in fact she is not paranoid but just clueless, aw. At this time all my coworkers are wondering whats up with the little old lady chillin' in the sidestation and blocking the computer simultaneously. She finishes, I take her slip and send her back to her table. I am then in the kitchen, getting a salad setup when someone tells me two old people are waiting to talk to me. Crap, did Grandpa think the tip was to generous? I go out there and Grandma says "oh you know I realized that we used his card but I signed it with my name!" I told her that's okay, he was right there and gave her the card so I know she was authorized to use it "oh, good, we just wanted to make sure you would still get the money!" As if someone at the bank is comparing signatures and denying payment if they don't match. Anyway, they were just so freaking cute I wasn't even pissed at their inability to use a debit card.

That same day, but lunch shift, another server had a less-than-awesome experience with some teenage girls. It was a 5 top but initially only three girls were there. they ordered soup and salad, and weren't any too polite about it. She was already annoyed with their lack of manners when the other two girls showed up.

"Hi ladies, did you want to order some food today?"

Super rudely "No, but they need more soup and salad right now!"

"Okay, but if you are eating soup and salad you have to be charged for it"

"What? That's stupid, I'm not ordering anything"

She immediately alerts the manager to what they are attempting to pull, and asks him to come with her while she drops the food. He comes up and places a basket of bread on the table, which one of the 'i'm not ordering' girls immediately delves into. He reiterates what the server said, that this is a per guest charge, it isn't free, and if they eat it they have to pay for it.

"That is so dumb, I thought it was free when you come in!"

"well it's not."

"Whatever!!"

She continues with her other tables, who tell her that while she was in the kitchen the girls were loudly bragging and laughing about how stupid the server and manager are and how they can do whatever they want.  She sees that one of the 'not ordering' girls is in fact chowing down on a plate of salad. She lets the manager know. It is this particular managers last day at this IR and he is feeling a little fiery, and also is not the type to be walked all over by stupid teeny bopper bitches. He walks up to the table, takes the salad plate from in front of the girl and says "I don't think so." They of course object loudly, and he says again "If you don't want to pay for it, you can't eat it." He then tells their server not to bring them anymore of anything, to just give them their checks. They all give her exact, except for one girl, the only one who wasn't rude, who leaves her $1.20. A little while later, the manager comes to the server and says, "well, I can tell you it's not their fault" she is confused. How is it not their fault they were incredibly rude? "Well, I just got a call from one of their mothers, and I can tell you, they got it from her." The call went something like this;

"This is manager, how can I help you"

"My daughter was just in your restaurant, and your server AND the manager, who I guess is you, were both extremely rude to her and her friends!"

"Was it five teenagers ma'am?"

"Yes, and you were so rude to them! You can't treat people like that!"

"Ma'am, I don't know what your daughter told you, but only three of the girls were ordering and the other two were eating their salad and soup and refusing to pay for it. Soup and salad is not free in our restaurant and we attempted to explain that to them and they pretty much just ignored us and ate it anyway, so I had to either remove the food or charge them"

"They are teenagers! Don't you have any idea how to deal with teenagers! I hope you NEVER have children! You would be a HORRIBLE father!"

Click

So, apparently teenage girls are supposed to be fucking cunts, it's their nature and their right, and we should respect and encourage it.

Finally, one of our managers, you know the one who thinks she's young and cool and everyone's bestie, is becoming the biggest bitch on planet Earth. Apparently she is trying to be seen as someone that should be promoted to GM, and her way of displaying this is by nitpicking and power-tripping like none other. Take last night. In each of our sidestations there is an area we call "bar side" that is where we grab our bar drinks, and is slightly visible to people in the cafe. It has a bunch of shelving that we normally put our drinks or purses on. We have no lockers or any secure place to keep purses or anything like that. They just tell us not to bring it, but I've even had my keys stolen from work, so the only seemingly safe thing is to put your purse in barside where we can see it most of the time. Anyway, bitch manager has gone on this conquest where she has declared these shelves a "guest area" because they could potentially see it, and that we cannot put personal items or beverages there because of course this would shock and appall our patrons. She puts up stupid signs so people wont put drinks there and periodically comes over and throws them all out. Oh, you brought a $4 latte from Starbucks and barely touched it? In the trash. I was doing togo last night and I usually have a coffee or water near my computer, which is in the alley, not a guest area. Bitch comes up and says "Waitress, is this your coffee? You can't have that there"

"okay, so where am I supposed to put it, in the breakroom?"

"No, actually you shouldn't be leaving things over there either"

"So...I just can't have a drink at all..."

"Well, technically you are just supposed to have a drink from a cone cup whenever you get thirsty"

"I'm pretty sure I would be really dehydrated if I only had cone cups to drink from, I drink a lot of water"

"Oh, I think you'll be okay"

A cone cup is a paper cone that holds maybe three ounces of liquid and is cleverly designed so you can't set it down. So If I am trying to get my 64 ounces of water, I could be going through 10 or more cone cups to get close to half of that. And we say we are trying to be more environmentally friendly. Seriously, have you ever heard of a workplace that wont even allow you a water bottle? If you put it in the bar side where you can watch and easily access it, you get in trouble and it gets thrown out. If you put it in the break room, it gets thrown out. This is super lame. One server who was feeling mischievous last night kept taking a glass, filling it half full of water and putting it in bar side, and each time the manager would throw it out, she would make another one. They did this at least three times before the manager gave up.

Also, we recently got hit by the health department for about half of our employees not having up to date food handlers permits. When I transferred to this IR, I volunteered both my food handlers card and my liquor servers permit, both up to date. They made copies, put them in my file. The other day bitch manager comes up and (all bitchy) says "waitress, you need to get your food handlers card"

"I have it, and I already gave you guys a copy"

"Well...I need it again!"

I give it to her, she takes it to make a copy, has a host give it back to me.

Yesterday when I get to work, I see that there is a big list of people who need to get their permits in the breakroom, and my name is on it, and spelled incorrectly too. I cross it out, because I have already given them mine twice. A bit later, bitch is in there lecturing people about it and sees my name crossed off.

"waitress, did you cross your name off this?"

"yeah..."

"well, you have to get your card"

"I have it, I already gave it to you twice"

"well, you're on my list"

"do you want me to give it to you again?"

"No, I'm sure I have it, but still, It's MY list"

As in, "you can't alter it cause its mine and i'm the boss and if I want to make you show me your food handlers card every fucking day I will!" This manager has become such a two-faced pain in the ass everyone has started to hate her. Another girl last night was really busy and trying to quickly get into the kitchen. Bitch manager saw her through the window in the door to the alley and pushed it hard right into her, and no, she wasn't carrying anything. She is constantly making little comments just to let us know she can tell us what to do. Most people see her becoming like the GM, who is on a constant power trip. I really wish I could get a different job, cause this one is wearing me down.

Valentines day is right around the corner. I will be closing to go. Should be interesting.

And I will re-enable anonymous posts per request of a certain bartender. Just make up some pen name that will help me to guess who you are =)

Managers; the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I have worked at 4 Italian Restaurants in about 2.5 years. From this I have gathered some knowledge of the general categories of managers you see frequenting these establishments. Feel free to elaborate.

The "Cool Young Manager"
This manager is a 20-something, just like you! You have so much in common! They can share with you all their deepest relationship fears and how they are trying to lose weight and that they stayed a virgin until they were married. They will ask advice on what to get their husband/boyfriend/mom for their birthday and that they just went of birth control to try and get pregnant and they actually think the GM is a big douche. You two are just BFF, it's like they are your friend more than your manager, really. You're pretty sure you can get away with a lot more than everyone else because you and the manager are tight. That is until someone else is watching them watch you do something "bad." Then they write you up to make a point and while you are signing the write up they ask where is a good place to take their husband/boyfriend/mom for their birthday dinner? Cause they want it to be really special.

The "I Never Wanted to Be a Manager" Manager
This manager, unlike others, does not get off on telling people what to do and making labor hours and pleasing guests. In fact, they care about all this possibly less than the average server. They only became a manager because the pay was good and then they could tell themselves they have a "real" job whereas serving is not a "real" job. When you come to them with an angry guest or a fucked up entree or ahhhh, we have no alfredo!! They give you tortured look as though they would rather be cleaning the deep fryer than dealing with this crap.  They move at a glacial pace, never yell, have a hard time kissing the guests ass and spend a lot of time in the office doing "paper work" because they honestly could. not. give. a. fuck. This is usually everyone's favorite manager because you can stand in the alley and yell "MOTHERFUCKER COCKSUCKER DONKEY BALLS" while making salad with your bare hands and scooping ice with a glass and they will hardly even look at you.

The "Five Alarm Fire" Manager
This manager acts like it's 7:30 on a Saturday we are on a two hour wait and we are 86 lasa and the coke machine just broke again, ALL THE TIME. Even if we are dead they are running laps freaking out with a look of terror on their face. In most instances this person is the GM, oddly enough. If there is even one person waiting to be sat, the hosts get the third degree "what do we have open? Who's on? What's happening?" Anyone seen standing around is a direct threat to the possible resolution of this serious situation. evil stare "Can you get that food out of the window please??!??!??!." Uh, there is one thing in the window, okay, I will get right on that...When they approach you they are searching for something to criticize. There must be something you are doing or not doing that is impeding on their vision of being the BEST RESTAURANT EVER! Where is your button? Are those slip resistant shoes? Your shirt is dirty! No paisley ties! Don't just stand there, DO SOMETHING. They also find pleasure in really random things, like counting how many kinds of cheese are in the restaurant (30 something) or finding an industrial degreaser that might be able to get that gunk off the insides of the salad well. You feel sorry for them when you are not busy hating them.

The "Power Trip" Manager
This person became a manger for one reason, and one reason only. To tell other people what to do. You know that part in "Waiting" when the manager is trying to convince Justin Long to become one and he says "You get to tell people what to do, and if they don't listen, they get in trouble!" This manager will lurk around corners, trying to catch you doing something wrong, and then actually smile when they confront you about it. If you are able to explain your actions rationally, their face falls when they realize you are not in the wrong. Usually they have a really shitty home life where they feel powerless and lame, so they come to work to feel like they are strong and respected. They will make you do random crap as punishment, or just because they CAN make you do it. I have had one make me clean the plate chiller because I didn't offer a wine sample. If you are just standing there, they might look at you and say..."sweep the alley!" just for fun. They also take joy in threatening you with write-ups for "insubordination" if you don't follow ridiculous and unimportant rules. "No, you may not go back and get the bread while he is buttering it, you have to wait until he brings it up. Why? Because I said so! I will write you up! For what you say? Insubordination!!"

The Sexy Manager
whether male or female, this manager is actually hot, a rare find! Everyone of a certain orientation wants to tap that, and knowing that it is so not allowed because of strict employee-manager non-fraternization rules (added bonus if they are also in a relationship, extra extra bonus if you are too!) makes it just too fun for everyone to pretend that something could ever happen. They flirt with everyone, everyone flirts with them. They use their looks to get employees to actually WANT to do stupid crap because somehow when they ask you, it doesn't sound so bad "Hey Jimmy, do you think you could floss every chair in the restaurant before you go, I forgot to have the servers do it...pleeeeeease? *big smile* Oh thanks so much, you're the best *arm squeeze*" The whole time Jimmy is flossing those chairs he will pretend hot manager finds him hot too (even though she probably doesn't).

The "Male Chauvinist" Manager
This manager is of the classic assumption that girls just aren't as good as boys. They're not as strong or as smart, but bi golly it just isn't their fault! They are just so darn pretty you can't hardly be mad at them! At the times when you aren't wishing this manager dead because they talk to you like you are a toddler, you take advantage of his archaic thinking when you mess up. You know you can go to him, give him your best dumb-girl doe-eyes and say "Gosh, I'm sorry, I don't know what I was doing." He will smile and think "poor girl, just can't help it!" He really hates it if you don't play his game though. Show him you are a smart chick and wont be treated like a dumb-ass and he will just think you are a dumb bitch instead of a dumb girl!

The "Man Hater" Manager
Long before you came along, young fella, this lady was wined and dined and ditched. She was humped and dumped, loved and left, wooed on and...pooed on. And you will pay the price young sir! Every man she sees reminds her of that asshole who did her wrong, left her with three kids to raise and a fat ass. Every chance she gets to make you feel like a piece of shit gets her one step closer to telling her baby daddy how he wronged her. You can't get away with anything, especially if you are good-looking and girls like you. She is pretty sure you are going to hurt someone like he hurt her and she already hates you for it. Sometimes the man haters also hate pretty girls, since they are probably going to steal some poor girls man from them, just like that one hussy did to her. She lives a sad life.

There are many more, and many possess one or more of these traits. Ah, the days of our lives!

Hamburger Sauce and Rabbit Food

Doing To Go. A tall overweight Asian man with goofy Sally Jessie style glasses approaches to place an order. I recognize him, and know he has dined in before. And that he's a shit-starter.

Shit-starters come in with the goal of getting something free. They will search their food or service for a reason to complain and thus get food taken off their bill or be issued a gift card. This guy also seems to be a little on the slow side, so whereas many shit-starters are very crafty and can actually convince you their claim is legitimate, you can see right through this big Asian guy's facade. The last time he dined in, he freaked out because his server (who he obviously didn't realize is deaf) was "ignoring him." He made a big scene complaining to the manager and didn't even have enough common sense to feel embarrassed when he realized that she wasn't ignoring him but just couldn't hear him. Other employees have also seen him at a gas station and at sears arguing with sales people trying to get free shit. So this is more of a career than a hobby.

So he orders angel hair pasta with meat sauce, sauce on the side, and salad. However he has his own names for some of the menu items, and so he orders angel hair pasta with hamburger sauce and rabbit food. Hm. He wants extra sauce, of course, blah blah, takes his shit and goes. Weirdo.

A little while later his equally nutty wife (he's married?!) calls to complain that there was not enough pasta or sauce, so they send them a gift card. Next time he comes in orders the same thing, wife calls and complains, again. Now we know we've got a shit starter here. So the next time he orders and calls to complain about the small portions, the manager launches into a spiel about how the dinner portion is x ounces of pasta and x ounces of sauce and we gave him y ounces of sauce which is actually more than we should have without charging him and in the future if he wants extra sauce he will need to purchase it. Basically she blew his mind with a bunch of culinary jargon and he had no clue what happened, but he wasn't getting anything for free this time.

The next time he came in, the general manager and another manager ask if they can speak to him outside for a moment. I'm thinking they are finally 86ing the douchebag (yay!) but no, The Italian Restaurant does not 86 anyone, not even a guy who once licked a servers ear (more on that another time). They just told him it was clear he was trying to "take advantage of our generosity" and that if he complained or tried to obtain free food or a gift card again he would be 86ed. He just says "okay" like it's nothing. Time to go through the ordeal of trying to get his order.

"how much is the dinner spaghetti with hamburger sauce"

"11.95"

"and how many ounces of pasta and how many of sauce?"

"uhh, hold on let me check..." "It's x of pasta and x of sauce"

"And how much is the lunch one?

"9.75"

"And how many ounces of pasta and sauce?"

"Uh, hold on...."

Is this guy fucking serious? He has me repeat all this information to him again, then goes with dinner. Then asks how much for extra sauce, and goes with a pint of "hamburger sauce" but wants it on a separate check though he always pays cash. My guess is the wifey doesn't know he's paying for it.

"And let me get a turkey scampi"

"you mean chicken scampi?"

"yeah, turkey scampi"

"okay, but you know it's chicken, right?" the last thing I need is this guy claiming we gave him the wrong meat

"Yeah. And what should I get with that one, soup or rabbit food? better get the rabbit food."

Hm, okay, hamburger sauce and turkey scampi with rabbit food coming right up. He thoughorally inspects the entire order, and goes on his way. But he never calls back to complain.