Hamburger Sauce and Rabbit Food

Doing To Go. A tall overweight Asian man with goofy Sally Jessie style glasses approaches to place an order. I recognize him, and know he has dined in before. And that he's a shit-starter.

Shit-starters come in with the goal of getting something free. They will search their food or service for a reason to complain and thus get food taken off their bill or be issued a gift card. This guy also seems to be a little on the slow side, so whereas many shit-starters are very crafty and can actually convince you their claim is legitimate, you can see right through this big Asian guy's facade. The last time he dined in, he freaked out because his server (who he obviously didn't realize is deaf) was "ignoring him." He made a big scene complaining to the manager and didn't even have enough common sense to feel embarrassed when he realized that she wasn't ignoring him but just couldn't hear him. Other employees have also seen him at a gas station and at sears arguing with sales people trying to get free shit. So this is more of a career than a hobby.

So he orders angel hair pasta with meat sauce, sauce on the side, and salad. However he has his own names for some of the menu items, and so he orders angel hair pasta with hamburger sauce and rabbit food. Hm. He wants extra sauce, of course, blah blah, takes his shit and goes. Weirdo.

A little while later his equally nutty wife (he's married?!) calls to complain that there was not enough pasta or sauce, so they send them a gift card. Next time he comes in orders the same thing, wife calls and complains, again. Now we know we've got a shit starter here. So the next time he orders and calls to complain about the small portions, the manager launches into a spiel about how the dinner portion is x ounces of pasta and x ounces of sauce and we gave him y ounces of sauce which is actually more than we should have without charging him and in the future if he wants extra sauce he will need to purchase it. Basically she blew his mind with a bunch of culinary jargon and he had no clue what happened, but he wasn't getting anything for free this time.

The next time he came in, the general manager and another manager ask if they can speak to him outside for a moment. I'm thinking they are finally 86ing the douchebag (yay!) but no, The Italian Restaurant does not 86 anyone, not even a guy who once licked a servers ear (more on that another time). They just told him it was clear he was trying to "take advantage of our generosity" and that if he complained or tried to obtain free food or a gift card again he would be 86ed. He just says "okay" like it's nothing. Time to go through the ordeal of trying to get his order.

"how much is the dinner spaghetti with hamburger sauce"

"11.95"

"and how many ounces of pasta and how many of sauce?"

"uhh, hold on let me check..." "It's x of pasta and x of sauce"

"And how much is the lunch one?

"9.75"

"And how many ounces of pasta and sauce?"

"Uh, hold on...."

Is this guy fucking serious? He has me repeat all this information to him again, then goes with dinner. Then asks how much for extra sauce, and goes with a pint of "hamburger sauce" but wants it on a separate check though he always pays cash. My guess is the wifey doesn't know he's paying for it.

"And let me get a turkey scampi"

"you mean chicken scampi?"

"yeah, turkey scampi"

"okay, but you know it's chicken, right?" the last thing I need is this guy claiming we gave him the wrong meat

"Yeah. And what should I get with that one, soup or rabbit food? better get the rabbit food."

Hm, okay, hamburger sauce and turkey scampi with rabbit food coming right up. He thoughorally inspects the entire order, and goes on his way. But he never calls back to complain.