The older I get, the more I get people asking me this question when I am serving them. Usually while making idle chit-chat as I am boxing up their leftovers.
"So, do you do anything besides this? Are you in school or anything?"
This to me sounds like: "You know waiting tables isn't a real job, are you in the process of getting into another field or are you just a gigantic loser?"
Well back in the day I was able to say "Oh yes, I am in school" and then "oh, I just recently graduated and I'm just taking some time to save up some money, then maybe more school."
Now, it has been almost three years (Oh.my.god) since I graduated with my bachelors degree in social work, and here I still am, plugging away at the Italian Restaurant. Sure, I have moved cities three times, so at least I am not a townie, but still, I am not impressing anyone. Even many of my coworkers have asked "If you have a degree, why do you work here?"
Ah, the age-old question "why would you want to be a server in a restaurant when you have a degree?" I was actually pondering this last night at work as I sat around for two hours and did absolutely nothing (literally, nothing) because it was so slow. I had a conversation with a coworker who also has a degree and just still works at the Italian Restaurant.
Not to burst the bubble of those of you who are in school and serving, but you aren't going to be able to make more money, or even as much money, after you graduate and get a "real job" unless you are really really lucky. Take my major, social work. This is one of the most overworked and underpaid professions around. If I were able to find an entry level job case managing, I would be making probably around $11 or $12 an hour, compared to right now when I get between $15 an hour on a really slow night and $50 an hour on an amazing night. I wouldn't be able to pay my bills with the money I would make at a "real job."
There's also the flexibility. you can generally work as much or as little as you want. Don't want to work your shift tonight? Text everyone and there is a pretty good chance someone will pick it up for you. Need extra money? Pick up some more shifts. If you really bust your ass and work 35-40 hours a week (keep in mind serving shifts are only 5-6 hours so that would mean working about 7 shifts, so either 7 days of work or multiple doubles), you could be making up to 40 grand a year. That's a pretty sweet deal, especially if you are single and just have yourself to worry about.
There are of course, the multiple multiple downsides. People treat you like crap every day, if you want to make good money you need to work nights, which means your friends or significant others with "real jobs" don't hold the same schedule as you, you always have to work weekends, no one respects your job, they think it's lame, you have times where you bust your ass and don't make good money, it's a bit unpredictable.
However, bottom line is that a lot of us would be taking a MAJOR pay cut, like possibly half of our annual salary, if we went and joined the 9-5 work force. I still wish I could do it. I would take the pay cut if I could still make ends meet. Have dinner with my man every night. But it's just not in the cards for now.
So the next time someone asks you "what else do you do?" tell them you are a secret agent for the FDA cataloging the ratio of waistline expansion to bread stick consumption, and that they have given you some excellent data, fuck you very much!
Showing posts with label assholes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label assholes. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Managers; the Good, the Bad and the Ugly
I have worked at 4 Italian Restaurants in about 2.5 years. From this I have gathered some knowledge of the general categories of managers you see frequenting these establishments. Feel free to elaborate.
The "Cool Young Manager"
This manager is a 20-something, just like you! You have so much in common! They can share with you all their deepest relationship fears and how they are trying to lose weight and that they stayed a virgin until they were married. They will ask advice on what to get their husband/boyfriend/mom for their birthday and that they just went of birth control to try and get pregnant and they actually think the GM is a big douche. You two are just BFF, it's like they are your friend more than your manager, really. You're pretty sure you can get away with a lot more than everyone else because you and the manager are tight. That is until someone else is watching them watch you do something "bad." Then they write you up to make a point and while you are signing the write up they ask where is a good place to take their husband/boyfriend/mom for their birthday dinner? Cause they want it to be really special.
The "I Never Wanted to Be a Manager" Manager
This manager, unlike others, does not get off on telling people what to do and making labor hours and pleasing guests. In fact, they care about all this possibly less than the average server. They only became a manager because the pay was good and then they could tell themselves they have a "real" job whereas serving is not a "real" job. When you come to them with an angry guest or a fucked up entree or ahhhh, we have no alfredo!! They give you tortured look as though they would rather be cleaning the deep fryer than dealing with this crap. They move at a glacial pace, never yell, have a hard time kissing the guests ass and spend a lot of time in the office doing "paper work" because they honestly could. not. give. a. fuck. This is usually everyone's favorite manager because you can stand in the alley and yell "MOTHERFUCKER COCKSUCKER DONKEY BALLS" while making salad with your bare hands and scooping ice with a glass and they will hardly even look at you.
The "Five Alarm Fire" Manager
This manager acts like it's 7:30 on a Saturday we are on a two hour wait and we are 86 lasa and the coke machine just broke again, ALL THE TIME. Even if we are dead they are running laps freaking out with a look of terror on their face. In most instances this person is the GM, oddly enough. If there is even one person waiting to be sat, the hosts get the third degree "what do we have open? Who's on? What's happening?" Anyone seen standing around is a direct threat to the possible resolution of this serious situation. evil stare "Can you get that food out of the window please??!??!??!." Uh, there is one thing in the window, okay, I will get right on that...When they approach you they are searching for something to criticize. There must be something you are doing or not doing that is impeding on their vision of being the BEST RESTAURANT EVER! Where is your button? Are those slip resistant shoes? Your shirt is dirty! No paisley ties! Don't just stand there, DO SOMETHING. They also find pleasure in really random things, like counting how many kinds of cheese are in the restaurant (30 something) or finding an industrial degreaser that might be able to get that gunk off the insides of the salad well. You feel sorry for them when you are not busy hating them.
The "Power Trip" Manager
This person became a manger for one reason, and one reason only. To tell other people what to do. You know that part in "Waiting" when the manager is trying to convince Justin Long to become one and he says "You get to tell people what to do, and if they don't listen, they get in trouble!" This manager will lurk around corners, trying to catch you doing something wrong, and then actually smile when they confront you about it. If you are able to explain your actions rationally, their face falls when they realize you are not in the wrong. Usually they have a really shitty home life where they feel powerless and lame, so they come to work to feel like they are strong and respected. They will make you do random crap as punishment, or just because they CAN make you do it. I have had one make me clean the plate chiller because I didn't offer a wine sample. If you are just standing there, they might look at you and say..."sweep the alley!" just for fun. They also take joy in threatening you with write-ups for "insubordination" if you don't follow ridiculous and unimportant rules. "No, you may not go back and get the bread while he is buttering it, you have to wait until he brings it up. Why? Because I said so! I will write you up! For what you say? Insubordination!!"
The Sexy Manager
whether male or female, this manager is actually hot, a rare find! Everyone of a certain orientation wants to tap that, and knowing that it is so not allowed because of strict employee-manager non-fraternization rules (added bonus if they are also in a relationship, extra extra bonus if you are too!) makes it just too fun for everyone to pretend that something could ever happen. They flirt with everyone, everyone flirts with them. They use their looks to get employees to actually WANT to do stupid crap because somehow when they ask you, it doesn't sound so bad "Hey Jimmy, do you think you could floss every chair in the restaurant before you go, I forgot to have the servers do it...pleeeeeease? *big smile* Oh thanks so much, you're the best *arm squeeze*" The whole time Jimmy is flossing those chairs he will pretend hot manager finds him hot too (even though she probably doesn't).
The "Male Chauvinist" Manager
This manager is of the classic assumption that girls just aren't as good as boys. They're not as strong or as smart, but bi golly it just isn't their fault! They are just so darn pretty you can't hardly be mad at them! At the times when you aren't wishing this manager dead because they talk to you like you are a toddler, you take advantage of his archaic thinking when you mess up. You know you can go to him, give him your best dumb-girl doe-eyes and say "Gosh, I'm sorry, I don't know what I was doing." He will smile and think "poor girl, just can't help it!" He really hates it if you don't play his game though. Show him you are a smart chick and wont be treated like a dumb-ass and he will just think you are a dumb bitch instead of a dumb girl!
The "Man Hater" Manager
Long before you came along, young fella, this lady was wined and dined and ditched. She was humped and dumped, loved and left, wooed on and...pooed on. And you will pay the price young sir! Every man she sees reminds her of that asshole who did her wrong, left her with three kids to raise and a fat ass. Every chance she gets to make you feel like a piece of shit gets her one step closer to telling her baby daddy how he wronged her. You can't get away with anything, especially if you are good-looking and girls like you. She is pretty sure you are going to hurt someone like he hurt her and she already hates you for it. Sometimes the man haters also hate pretty girls, since they are probably going to steal some poor girls man from them, just like that one hussy did to her. She lives a sad life.
There are many more, and many possess one or more of these traits. Ah, the days of our lives!
The "Cool Young Manager"
This manager is a 20-something, just like you! You have so much in common! They can share with you all their deepest relationship fears and how they are trying to lose weight and that they stayed a virgin until they were married. They will ask advice on what to get their husband/boyfriend/mom for their birthday and that they just went of birth control to try and get pregnant and they actually think the GM is a big douche. You two are just BFF, it's like they are your friend more than your manager, really. You're pretty sure you can get away with a lot more than everyone else because you and the manager are tight. That is until someone else is watching them watch you do something "bad." Then they write you up to make a point and while you are signing the write up they ask where is a good place to take their husband/boyfriend/mom for their birthday dinner? Cause they want it to be really special.
The "I Never Wanted to Be a Manager" Manager
This manager, unlike others, does not get off on telling people what to do and making labor hours and pleasing guests. In fact, they care about all this possibly less than the average server. They only became a manager because the pay was good and then they could tell themselves they have a "real" job whereas serving is not a "real" job. When you come to them with an angry guest or a fucked up entree or ahhhh, we have no alfredo!! They give you tortured look as though they would rather be cleaning the deep fryer than dealing with this crap. They move at a glacial pace, never yell, have a hard time kissing the guests ass and spend a lot of time in the office doing "paper work" because they honestly could. not. give. a. fuck. This is usually everyone's favorite manager because you can stand in the alley and yell "MOTHERFUCKER COCKSUCKER DONKEY BALLS" while making salad with your bare hands and scooping ice with a glass and they will hardly even look at you.
The "Five Alarm Fire" Manager
This manager acts like it's 7:30 on a Saturday we are on a two hour wait and we are 86 lasa and the coke machine just broke again, ALL THE TIME. Even if we are dead they are running laps freaking out with a look of terror on their face. In most instances this person is the GM, oddly enough. If there is even one person waiting to be sat, the hosts get the third degree "what do we have open? Who's on? What's happening?" Anyone seen standing around is a direct threat to the possible resolution of this serious situation. evil stare "Can you get that food out of the window please??!??!??!." Uh, there is one thing in the window, okay, I will get right on that...When they approach you they are searching for something to criticize. There must be something you are doing or not doing that is impeding on their vision of being the BEST RESTAURANT EVER! Where is your button? Are those slip resistant shoes? Your shirt is dirty! No paisley ties! Don't just stand there, DO SOMETHING. They also find pleasure in really random things, like counting how many kinds of cheese are in the restaurant (30 something) or finding an industrial degreaser that might be able to get that gunk off the insides of the salad well. You feel sorry for them when you are not busy hating them.
The "Power Trip" Manager
This person became a manger for one reason, and one reason only. To tell other people what to do. You know that part in "Waiting" when the manager is trying to convince Justin Long to become one and he says "You get to tell people what to do, and if they don't listen, they get in trouble!" This manager will lurk around corners, trying to catch you doing something wrong, and then actually smile when they confront you about it. If you are able to explain your actions rationally, their face falls when they realize you are not in the wrong. Usually they have a really shitty home life where they feel powerless and lame, so they come to work to feel like they are strong and respected. They will make you do random crap as punishment, or just because they CAN make you do it. I have had one make me clean the plate chiller because I didn't offer a wine sample. If you are just standing there, they might look at you and say..."sweep the alley!" just for fun. They also take joy in threatening you with write-ups for "insubordination" if you don't follow ridiculous and unimportant rules. "No, you may not go back and get the bread while he is buttering it, you have to wait until he brings it up. Why? Because I said so! I will write you up! For what you say? Insubordination!!"
The Sexy Manager
whether male or female, this manager is actually hot, a rare find! Everyone of a certain orientation wants to tap that, and knowing that it is so not allowed because of strict employee-manager non-fraternization rules (added bonus if they are also in a relationship, extra extra bonus if you are too!) makes it just too fun for everyone to pretend that something could ever happen. They flirt with everyone, everyone flirts with them. They use their looks to get employees to actually WANT to do stupid crap because somehow when they ask you, it doesn't sound so bad "Hey Jimmy, do you think you could floss every chair in the restaurant before you go, I forgot to have the servers do it...pleeeeeease? *big smile* Oh thanks so much, you're the best *arm squeeze*" The whole time Jimmy is flossing those chairs he will pretend hot manager finds him hot too (even though she probably doesn't).
The "Male Chauvinist" Manager
This manager is of the classic assumption that girls just aren't as good as boys. They're not as strong or as smart, but bi golly it just isn't their fault! They are just so darn pretty you can't hardly be mad at them! At the times when you aren't wishing this manager dead because they talk to you like you are a toddler, you take advantage of his archaic thinking when you mess up. You know you can go to him, give him your best dumb-girl doe-eyes and say "Gosh, I'm sorry, I don't know what I was doing." He will smile and think "poor girl, just can't help it!" He really hates it if you don't play his game though. Show him you are a smart chick and wont be treated like a dumb-ass and he will just think you are a dumb bitch instead of a dumb girl!
The "Man Hater" Manager
Long before you came along, young fella, this lady was wined and dined and ditched. She was humped and dumped, loved and left, wooed on and...pooed on. And you will pay the price young sir! Every man she sees reminds her of that asshole who did her wrong, left her with three kids to raise and a fat ass. Every chance she gets to make you feel like a piece of shit gets her one step closer to telling her baby daddy how he wronged her. You can't get away with anything, especially if you are good-looking and girls like you. She is pretty sure you are going to hurt someone like he hurt her and she already hates you for it. Sometimes the man haters also hate pretty girls, since they are probably going to steal some poor girls man from them, just like that one hussy did to her. She lives a sad life.
There are many more, and many possess one or more of these traits. Ah, the days of our lives!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Smallest Revenge
So, a fellow server gave me this idea on how to maybe just get a tiny bit of revenge on poor tippers.
You know how people like to leave a tip that makes their total a round number? Well, if they leave you a really shitty tip, you can ruin their little attempt. Lets say their bill is 57.25 and they just write $60 on the total line which is a $2.75 tip, ouch. So, just to maybe piss them off, give yourself $2.74. That way you are giving them the extra penny, so you can't get in trouble for messing the tip up,and you can just imagine that they are obsessive compulsive about balancing their checking account, and when they see that their balance is a penny off what they had calculated, they will spend hours pouring over their receipts trying to figure out the mistake. Unlikely, but still.
Hey, it's not much, but it's more than we usually get.
What do you think of this?
You know how people like to leave a tip that makes their total a round number? Well, if they leave you a really shitty tip, you can ruin their little attempt. Lets say their bill is 57.25 and they just write $60 on the total line which is a $2.75 tip, ouch. So, just to maybe piss them off, give yourself $2.74. That way you are giving them the extra penny, so you can't get in trouble for messing the tip up,and you can just imagine that they are obsessive compulsive about balancing their checking account, and when they see that their balance is a penny off what they had calculated, they will spend hours pouring over their receipts trying to figure out the mistake. Unlikely, but still.
Hey, it's not much, but it's more than we usually get.
What do you think of this?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Chester the Molester
You know when you go out to a bar, and there is that creepy guy that is sitting by himself, nursing a beer and just staring at chicks? And not discretely either. They stare directly at their boobies and pretty much drool on themselves. Sometimes they "accidentaly" brush up against your ass on their way to the bathroom. You know the type. Well, when these guys get either bored of their regular spots, or get kicked out of them for molesting the staff, they sometimes end up at family restaurants like the Italian Restaurant. Given the fact that it's not generally a crowded area, they have to be a lot more creative in how they are going to cop a feel. Common tactics are sitting right on the edge of the bar rail where bartenders enter and exit the cafe, where they just might "accidentaly" brush up against them, requesting hugs from female servers which they feel obliged to indulge since they need the tip, and the old handshake fake-out that turns into one of those creepy mideval hand kisses (or sometimes licks).
Now, the Italian Restaurant really values it's customers (excuse me, guests), and will do anything, like seriously ANYTHING, to make sure they come back again and again. This includes giving people who fabricate problems with their meal giftcards so they can keep coming back, treating servers like shit, complaining about nothing, and getting more giftcards. This also means that they almost never 86 someone, or tell them they are no longer welcome. They will threaten to, saying "if you do this one more time, you wont be welcome" but they never follow through. Even when it comes to the safety of their employees.
One paticular guy, we'll call him Chester, has been coming in regularly for quite some time. There is suspicion that he has been 86ed from other establishments for being a fucking creep, so he ended up at the Italian Restaurant. Chester has employed tactics such as sitting at the end of the rail so he can brush up against ladies, he sits at the bar top and stares blantanly at the bartender, requests particular servers he finds appealing and then acts like they have some kind of relationship "we should do this again sometime." He has also feigned a handshake that was really a hand kiss/lick. Even though this server and others have told management that he makes them uncomfortable and they don't want to serve him, they just say since he hasn't actually done anything out of line besides being "creepy" they can't really do anything. And yes, you still have to serve him when he requests you because we don't want to offend him.
By far the creepiest thing Chester has done was to a girl doing takeout. He came in all the time to get orders from her, and would always ask for a hug, like they were old pals. This is a common practice for the molesters; since most people in service are so used to kissing the ass of the patrons in hope of a good tip, they are worried about offending them and getting in trouble with the management. So one particular time, Chester asked her for a hug and she obliged. While they were hugging, he starting licking/sucking on her ear. She quickly pulled away and just carried on. Of course management was made aware, and of course they did nothing. Chester has been told "do not touch the ladies, if you do this again, you will no longer be welcome." Seriously? Can you imagine if some pervert came into your workplace and LICKED YOUR EAR and your boss just told him not to do it again? He now sits in the bar weekday mornings when there is always the same (female) bartender and stares at her/other female employees. Thankfully this bartender is a tough chick and isn't afraid of him and wont take his bullshit either. If he laid a hand on her she would probably punch him in the face, and I'm pretty sure he is aware of that.
It's really disheartening to work in a place where they say your safety is top priority, but knowing it is second priority after guest satisfaction. The same girl that got her ear licked had someone growl "do you want to die?!" when she tried to take his (empty) soup bowl. She was understandably upset and when she told the mangager (the general manager no less) she was told to get over it. God forbid they offend some asshole and he doesn't come back. The server who had her hand kissed by Chester, and who he asks for when he comes in, doesn't feel safe around him, but they do nothing. And if one day he is waiting for her outside when she finishes her shift, no one will take responsibility for it. They will say another manager should have done something, or no one told them, or they didn't know how serious it was.
And that is what we call "passing the buck."
Now, the Italian Restaurant really values it's customers (excuse me, guests), and will do anything, like seriously ANYTHING, to make sure they come back again and again. This includes giving people who fabricate problems with their meal giftcards so they can keep coming back, treating servers like shit, complaining about nothing, and getting more giftcards. This also means that they almost never 86 someone, or tell them they are no longer welcome. They will threaten to, saying "if you do this one more time, you wont be welcome" but they never follow through. Even when it comes to the safety of their employees.
One paticular guy, we'll call him Chester, has been coming in regularly for quite some time. There is suspicion that he has been 86ed from other establishments for being a fucking creep, so he ended up at the Italian Restaurant. Chester has employed tactics such as sitting at the end of the rail so he can brush up against ladies, he sits at the bar top and stares blantanly at the bartender, requests particular servers he finds appealing and then acts like they have some kind of relationship "we should do this again sometime." He has also feigned a handshake that was really a hand kiss/lick. Even though this server and others have told management that he makes them uncomfortable and they don't want to serve him, they just say since he hasn't actually done anything out of line besides being "creepy" they can't really do anything. And yes, you still have to serve him when he requests you because we don't want to offend him.
By far the creepiest thing Chester has done was to a girl doing takeout. He came in all the time to get orders from her, and would always ask for a hug, like they were old pals. This is a common practice for the molesters; since most people in service are so used to kissing the ass of the patrons in hope of a good tip, they are worried about offending them and getting in trouble with the management. So one particular time, Chester asked her for a hug and she obliged. While they were hugging, he starting licking/sucking on her ear. She quickly pulled away and just carried on. Of course management was made aware, and of course they did nothing. Chester has been told "do not touch the ladies, if you do this again, you will no longer be welcome." Seriously? Can you imagine if some pervert came into your workplace and LICKED YOUR EAR and your boss just told him not to do it again? He now sits in the bar weekday mornings when there is always the same (female) bartender and stares at her/other female employees. Thankfully this bartender is a tough chick and isn't afraid of him and wont take his bullshit either. If he laid a hand on her she would probably punch him in the face, and I'm pretty sure he is aware of that.
It's really disheartening to work in a place where they say your safety is top priority, but knowing it is second priority after guest satisfaction. The same girl that got her ear licked had someone growl "do you want to die?!" when she tried to take his (empty) soup bowl. She was understandably upset and when she told the mangager (the general manager no less) she was told to get over it. God forbid they offend some asshole and he doesn't come back. The server who had her hand kissed by Chester, and who he asks for when he comes in, doesn't feel safe around him, but they do nothing. And if one day he is waiting for her outside when she finishes her shift, no one will take responsibility for it. They will say another manager should have done something, or no one told them, or they didn't know how serious it was.
And that is what we call "passing the buck."
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
20 Signs you're not getting a tip
Inspired by waiter rant
1. Before you get a chance to greet your new table, the host comes to tell you that they didn't want menus, because they know that they just want water and salad.
2. You ask "hi folks, how are you doing today?" and their reply is "ice water with lemon"
3. They reply to every menu item you suggest with "is it free refills?"
4. They wont make eye contact with you, especially after you drop the check
5. They are under 18 or over 65
6. They make sure to mention that it's free when asking for more of anything. "Can I get a free refill of coke?" "we need a refill on salad, it's free right?"
7. When you ask other people at the table if they would like any extras "meatball on your unlimited pasta?" "Anyone care for dessert?" The person paying the bill quickly answers for them "no!"
8. They repeatedly tell you how great you were throughout the meal, and what a wonderful job you did. This is called a verbal tip and it isn't usually accompanied by a real one.
9. They bring their own tea bags and ask for hot water.
10. They tell you they have only $40 dollars to spend and ask you what they can get. There are 4 of them.
11. They call alfredo "cheese sauce," bread sticks "rolls," black tie mousse cake "mouse cake," and try to order clam chowder (or as one server experienced, a steak quesadilla. no joke).
12. They have their coupon and gift card sitting out on the table as soon as you walk up.
13. Half the people at the table aren't ordering anything, but they eat the other people's salad off bread plates. When they ask for a refill you let them know that since they are eating the salad, if you bring them more you have to charge them for it. They don't want more.
14. They go through 3 declined cards before one works.
15. They want to share soup and salad or unlimited pasta (you can't share refillable items, much like you can't share a buffet).
16. You ask if they want dessert. They tell you they have a $30 gift card and ask what their check is at now. It's at $22.50 and dessert would put it at $29.60. They order dessert.
17. They look very young or very low class and they order appetizers, drinks, the steak, the salmon and dessert. It's obvioulsy not their money they are spending and they sure don't plan on sharing it with you.
18. They act surprised at the total of the check and hand you a credit card saying "I hope it goes through"
19. They ask you for change and there isn't even enough money in the book to cover the bill.
20. They are wearing pajama pants, are dressed like a stripper, or are a white guy wearing a Tupac or Notorious BIG t shirt.
*Please feel free to add more*
1. Before you get a chance to greet your new table, the host comes to tell you that they didn't want menus, because they know that they just want water and salad.
2. You ask "hi folks, how are you doing today?" and their reply is "ice water with lemon"
3. They reply to every menu item you suggest with "is it free refills?"
4. They wont make eye contact with you, especially after you drop the check
5. They are under 18 or over 65
6. They make sure to mention that it's free when asking for more of anything. "Can I get a free refill of coke?" "we need a refill on salad, it's free right?"
7. When you ask other people at the table if they would like any extras "meatball on your unlimited pasta?" "Anyone care for dessert?" The person paying the bill quickly answers for them "no!"
8. They repeatedly tell you how great you were throughout the meal, and what a wonderful job you did. This is called a verbal tip and it isn't usually accompanied by a real one.
9. They bring their own tea bags and ask for hot water.
10. They tell you they have only $40 dollars to spend and ask you what they can get. There are 4 of them.
11. They call alfredo "cheese sauce," bread sticks "rolls," black tie mousse cake "mouse cake," and try to order clam chowder (or as one server experienced, a steak quesadilla. no joke).
12. They have their coupon and gift card sitting out on the table as soon as you walk up.
13. Half the people at the table aren't ordering anything, but they eat the other people's salad off bread plates. When they ask for a refill you let them know that since they are eating the salad, if you bring them more you have to charge them for it. They don't want more.
14. They go through 3 declined cards before one works.
15. They want to share soup and salad or unlimited pasta (you can't share refillable items, much like you can't share a buffet).
16. You ask if they want dessert. They tell you they have a $30 gift card and ask what their check is at now. It's at $22.50 and dessert would put it at $29.60. They order dessert.
17. They look very young or very low class and they order appetizers, drinks, the steak, the salmon and dessert. It's obvioulsy not their money they are spending and they sure don't plan on sharing it with you.
18. They act surprised at the total of the check and hand you a credit card saying "I hope it goes through"
19. They ask you for change and there isn't even enough money in the book to cover the bill.
20. They are wearing pajama pants, are dressed like a stripper, or are a white guy wearing a Tupac or Notorious BIG t shirt.
*Please feel free to add more*
Friday, September 4, 2009
Respecting your (rude, obnoxious, needy) elders
I know this sounds horrible, but I hate old people.
I mean, I love my grandparents (or the one that is still around) but truthfully, I don't really visit her much, because (sorry Grandma), I don't dig senior citizens! That's not true, I don't visit her because due to Dementia, she doesn't know who the hell I am. But still, old people and myself to not jive.
I just find it highly ironic that while the elderly love to bitch about how youth today are so rude, disrespectful, blah blah blah, they are THE rudest people I serve. Case in point; my first table yesterday is a couple, probably in their 70's, and a kid about 15, I am assuming their grandson.
"Hi folks, how are you today?"
without looking at me; "fine."
"Well, my name-"
"I want a water with lemon."
Okaaaay, I was gonna get to that asshole. Now, there are a lot of people that do the "greet cutoff." Sometimes we walk up and before we even say hi, the guest immediately says "I want water." I get that maybe you think we are going to try and sell you wine, or you just know what you want and think you are helping us save time, but interrupting is rude, regardless! Just let me do my thing (which, by the way, we are REQUIRED to do) and when I come to a pause, order your goddamn, water, soup and salad. Anyway, old people are the main offenders on this issue. They know what they want and how they want it and they better get it that way and NOW.
Of course, you better not bring their food "too quickly." I do try to take into consideration that it takes old people about 10.5 times longer to eat a bowl of soup than the average person, but if it has been fifteen minutes, you're getting your food! They are of course invariably pissed off when you bring it, and if I didn't already know you were going to tip me a dollar maybe I would care, but I don't.
Old people are also notorious for forgetting what they ordered, or ordering wrong, and then claiming that you messed up. When you order fettuccine alfredo, that's just pasta and sauce. No chicken or seafood. So when you ask for fettuccine alfredo and get pasta and sauce, please don't yell "where's the chicken?" and get all pissed at me. Well, I guess it's not your fault you can't remember shit, so rather I will ask people who dine out with old people to listen to when they order so that when they claim I got it wrong maybe you could back me up?
Other things old people do that they seem to find perfectly acceptable include; waving their arms and yelling "excuse me, waitress" while I am talking to another table. I know you learned your manners in 1910, but let me give you a refresher; attempting to talk to someone while they are talking to someone else is called interrupting, and it's rude. Wait your goddamn turn. Also, grunting, gesturing or other non-specific or non-verbal communication doesn't work as well as asking for what you need. Just because I am holding a cheese grater, and (while not looking at me) you grunt and point at your plate, I may not gather that you want more cheese. I may just think (or hope) that you are choking on your spaghetti.
Don't even get me started on the dread that sets in when you walk up to a table of 5 old ladies, and they already each have their coupon sitting out on the table in front of them, and you better not forget to take their 2 dollars off!! They invariably don't realize that they coupon is for two entrees, and they have to only have $1 off, or combine their check with a friend. No, ma'am, I cannot split the coupon and take $1 off your check and $1 off your friend's.
I guess this is one of the many ways we revert back into children as we age. We forget our manners, demand things angrily, and think that the rules everyone else follows shouldn't apply to us. And we smell. EW. I really hope I don't become one of the old people I serve everyday. I hope I am a bad ass old lady. I better be, or someone please keep me from eating out.
I mean, I love my grandparents (or the one that is still around) but truthfully, I don't really visit her much, because (sorry Grandma), I don't dig senior citizens! That's not true, I don't visit her because due to Dementia, she doesn't know who the hell I am. But still, old people and myself to not jive.
I just find it highly ironic that while the elderly love to bitch about how youth today are so rude, disrespectful, blah blah blah, they are THE rudest people I serve. Case in point; my first table yesterday is a couple, probably in their 70's, and a kid about 15, I am assuming their grandson.
"Hi folks, how are you today?"
without looking at me; "fine."
"Well, my name-"
"I want a water with lemon."
Okaaaay, I was gonna get to that asshole. Now, there are a lot of people that do the "greet cutoff." Sometimes we walk up and before we even say hi, the guest immediately says "I want water." I get that maybe you think we are going to try and sell you wine, or you just know what you want and think you are helping us save time, but interrupting is rude, regardless! Just let me do my thing (which, by the way, we are REQUIRED to do) and when I come to a pause, order your goddamn, water, soup and salad. Anyway, old people are the main offenders on this issue. They know what they want and how they want it and they better get it that way and NOW.
Of course, you better not bring their food "too quickly." I do try to take into consideration that it takes old people about 10.5 times longer to eat a bowl of soup than the average person, but if it has been fifteen minutes, you're getting your food! They are of course invariably pissed off when you bring it, and if I didn't already know you were going to tip me a dollar maybe I would care, but I don't.
Old people are also notorious for forgetting what they ordered, or ordering wrong, and then claiming that you messed up. When you order fettuccine alfredo, that's just pasta and sauce. No chicken or seafood. So when you ask for fettuccine alfredo and get pasta and sauce, please don't yell "where's the chicken?" and get all pissed at me. Well, I guess it's not your fault you can't remember shit, so rather I will ask people who dine out with old people to listen to when they order so that when they claim I got it wrong maybe you could back me up?
Other things old people do that they seem to find perfectly acceptable include; waving their arms and yelling "excuse me, waitress" while I am talking to another table. I know you learned your manners in 1910, but let me give you a refresher; attempting to talk to someone while they are talking to someone else is called interrupting, and it's rude. Wait your goddamn turn. Also, grunting, gesturing or other non-specific or non-verbal communication doesn't work as well as asking for what you need. Just because I am holding a cheese grater, and (while not looking at me) you grunt and point at your plate, I may not gather that you want more cheese. I may just think (or hope) that you are choking on your spaghetti.
Don't even get me started on the dread that sets in when you walk up to a table of 5 old ladies, and they already each have their coupon sitting out on the table in front of them, and you better not forget to take their 2 dollars off!! They invariably don't realize that they coupon is for two entrees, and they have to only have $1 off, or combine their check with a friend. No, ma'am, I cannot split the coupon and take $1 off your check and $1 off your friend's.
I guess this is one of the many ways we revert back into children as we age. We forget our manners, demand things angrily, and think that the rules everyone else follows shouldn't apply to us. And we smell. EW. I really hope I don't become one of the old people I serve everyday. I hope I am a bad ass old lady. I better be, or someone please keep me from eating out.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Hardly Original
There are a lot of serving blogs out there.
As of late, I've been devouring waiter rant, which is also a book (birthday gift anyone?). So, though it's highly unoriginal, my life is unfortunately void of much excitement aside from the nutjobs, bitches, assholes (and way too few normal people) who frequent the chain Italian restaurant where I work. Considering that I have been slaving away at the restaurant for over two years now, and had some other interesting experiences in a Thai restaurant before that (RIP Lemongrass), I feel that I now have enough compiled weird stories to constitute a blog.
Maybe.
Maybe I'll post things that just happened, probably a lot of things that happened awhile ago, either way, enjoy the rediculousness that is my line of work. And know that if I could find a different job that can pay up to $25 an hour (sometimes more) I'd be on it like white on rice. Enjoy your meal.
As of late, I've been devouring waiter rant, which is also a book (birthday gift anyone?). So, though it's highly unoriginal, my life is unfortunately void of much excitement aside from the nutjobs, bitches, assholes (and way too few normal people) who frequent the chain Italian restaurant where I work. Considering that I have been slaving away at the restaurant for over two years now, and had some other interesting experiences in a Thai restaurant before that (RIP Lemongrass), I feel that I now have enough compiled weird stories to constitute a blog.
Maybe.
Maybe I'll post things that just happened, probably a lot of things that happened awhile ago, either way, enjoy the rediculousness that is my line of work. And know that if I could find a different job that can pay up to $25 an hour (sometimes more) I'd be on it like white on rice. Enjoy your meal.
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