Teamwork is Dream Work

This revoltingly lame little tidbit was at the end of our "focus cards" for the week. This is the newest way to make sure we know all the lame crap they want us to pretend to care about so we can act appropriately whenever managers are looking.

One of the newest ridiculous things the corporate losers at the IR (the acronym for the Italian Restaurant, of course) have come up with is the creation of  "service partners." This is basically just taking the person that you are working in the same room with and trying to make you responsible for doing each others jobs in order to increase productivity and make sure we are never standing still for a single moment from the second we walk in the door. You are supposed to introduce yourself to not only of course your own tables but also the tables of your "service partner" to let them know that you are also working in that room (as if that isn't apparent) and that if they need anything they can also ask you. I personally think this is the biggest load of bullshit this side of Kansas and refuse to do it, and here's why.

I tend to think about most of the lame crap they make us do in terms of "if I were out to dinner and my server or other servers did this, how would I feel about it?" I can say for sure that if I were out to dinner and after my server introduced them self and took my order, if another sever came over to just let me know they work there too, I would be like "good for you, leave me alone! If I need something that badly I will flag you down!" Since there are an odd number of sections, some service partners are trios, which could entail TWO other people besides your server giving you information that you don't need or want and bothering you while you are trying to eat. Most of the time, if you stare at a server, whether they are yours or not, they will feel you looking at them (any good server can feel a pair of eyes on them two rooms away) and will look back, make eye contact, and if you look like you need something they will most likely ask if you do. I'm not saying that the idea of partnering together with your roomie or "service partner" is bad, but seriously, going over and introducing yourself? You are pretty much asking us to just serve the room together, each table belonging to both servers. Next they will tell us we need to pool tips.

The real problem is that some servers suck. They aren't attentive, they don't anticipate the needs of their tables, they can't read people as to whether they want to chat, be left alone, are in a hurry, etc. Sometimes they suck because they just don't care and sometimes it's because they just aren't cut out for it. As much as people think serving is a job a monkey could do, you actually need to possess some pretty honed people skills and a high level of multi-tasking proficiency. When someone doesn't possess those traits, or doesn't care, they give shitty service. So, what do we do when we have one of these people. Fire them? Nope, couldn't do that... retrain them? sometimes, although that might not even help. OH! I know, we will put them in a room with another server who doesn't suck and make that person feel responsible for making sure their tables get good service! We'll even make them go introduce themselves so that when Crackhead McServer is off stealing soup and fantasizing about the bowl they're gonna smoke later, their tables can just get Competent McServer to go get them more soup or bread or water or their check while at the same time busting their ass taking care of their own tables. It's genius!

Another thing that has been driving me crazy about this is that it has caused the brown-nosers who want to kiss the managers ass or just want to think they are the best server EVER (like that's a big accomplishment) to harass me constantly as to whether I "need anything." Yes, I know, I am a bitch for being annoyed at people for trying to help me. And if I am in the weeds and am freaking out and someone asks if they can help me, I am really grateful. But if I am just moving along, doing my job with no trace of urgency, and people continually ask me if I need help or need anything, it gets really old really fucking fast. I have no problem asking for help, and if I need some, I will call you first buddy, so please stop asking me every five seconds! I get it, you are the most teamwork oriented person ever and you should get a prize or something, now leave me alone! I mean standing in the alley and loudly offering help to anyone who needs it is one thing, but asking the same person over and over when they only have one table is just too much.

So, now that you are done thinking I am a huge jerk and have vowed never to offer me help again, lets continue. If you took out all the incompetent servers and just had all the people who can handle their three tables and know when to ask for help and when to offer it, you would have a smooth-running restaurant. Of course this is not possible, so in the meantime lets just make all the strong people responsible for covering the weak ones asses.

Oh, and while we're at it, lets make sure to punish the strong servers more by making them work shifts and sections that no one likes because you know they can handle it. Valentine's day is just around the corner. The IR is going to make sure you know how valuable you are as an employee and how much they appreciate your dependability and hard work by making you work a shift that makes no money on THE busiest day of the year because the other person assigned to that shift can't handle the volume. Wow, thanks so much, this really motivates me to continue to do good work.

And after you are done killing yourself and sweating buckets making sure your tables and your incompetent "service partners" tables are all taken care of, you better not sit down in the break room for a second to catch your breath, not unless you are on an approved break that is. No no, we don't get them every two hours silly. We get one ten minute break per shift, only when the breaker is available to break us, which is only during dinner. Oh, you worked a 6 hour lunch shift in the booths and were to slammed to even take a fucking leak? No, you still can't sit down for a minute. Your tables might need something. Or someone else's might. Or the manager might need you to write what time the tomatoes were brought up, just cause you're right there. There are thousands of menial tasks that need to be done, and if you don't do them, what will happen?! Oh, that's right, absolutely nothing.

Sorry, I have been a bit bitter lately. I need a vacation.

Oh, and I disabled anonymous comments cause I am just too curious sometimes.  But I do appreciate comments, knowing people actually read my bitch-fests makes me want to write them more.