Attack of the hall monitors

They're here. The hall monitors, I mean service trainers. the first couple days they were on the job I was doing to go, so alas I was saved. However I made the mistake of picking up yesterday when the aforementioned service go-getter was up for her turn. If I would have known, I would not have picked up. And to make it even better, I was on the family table, which is one big solid table that seats 12, so you are guaranteed large parties. Given our ridiculous large party standards, you are guaranteed to do something "wrong" at some point. So she basically stood there and watched us, corrected us when we messed up, and (this really pissed me off) took notes.

My partner and I got sat what would be a ten top, but only 5 were there initially. we greeted them together (one point for us!) and got their drinks. Then as the rest trickled in, whoever was available would get their drinks. When I stopped by to get the last couple people's drinks, the dude in charge said "we want to order now!"

Oh no! They want to order but my service partner isn't here! If we don't take the order together it would be awful because....wait, why? Oh, because they think the guests give two shits if we both take the order, which they don't. The managers just like to tell us what to do, that's why.

So what should I have done? Said "oh hold on I have to go get my service partner cause this bitch is watching me and I'll get in trouble" or "I am incapable of taking your order by myself because they only hire dumbasses to do this job" or "If I take your order by myself you will think my service partner isn't helping enough and will think less of our restaurant." Well, no, I just took the fucking order because that's what they wanted and to do otherwise would negatively impact our tip. So I took their order myself, knowing the whole time that the mole was watching me and making notes on her stupid paper. And I also knew I had just been sat so I had a table waiting to be greeted. When I walked away from the large party, she was literally around the corner waiting for me.

"It's really important for you and Waiter to take the order together"

To which I said "why? Do you think they care if we take it together? Well they don't so give it a rest slut!" And I kicked her in the vag!!

Okay, I didn't really do that. I said "I know but they started giving me the order so I took it"

"well, it's important. And Waiter greeted your other table and took their order for you."

Awesomeness. Go Waiter. Now to the alley so we can ring this crap in. And I also need to get my other tables order. And I need to get a glass of wine, a hot tea, and three waters for the big top because the new people didn't get drinks yet. And one of them wanted and extra side of dressing. I am mentally making a list, and the fucking hall monitor is following me to keep criticizing me. I get my small table's order from Waiter, take them their salad, now to conquer the big top. I go back to the alley and Waiter is getting the salads and bread ready for the big top, but I still need to ring it in. The hall monitor is watching us. Waiter has everything ready, so he gives me his card to ring in half the order and takes the salad and bread out. FUCK, this is not service standard! She comes up to me as I am ringing it in.

"It's also really important for you to bring salad out together"

So I said "Get a fucking life you brown-nosing BEAAAAAAAAAATCH!" And karate-chopped her shoulder, putting her to sleep so I could do my job in peace.

But really I said "I know, but it didn't work out that way"

"Well, for future reference..."

"YEP, got it!"

I am holding back my annoyance because I know that not only are they to keep track of things but if someone is a repeat offender (which I obviously was) that they will report us to a manager. Also if you are "difficult" or give them shit, or act like you don't care, you are reported. So I am already pretty sure I am reported so arguing with her is not going to help. You have no idea how hard it is to have someone who is your peer, not superior to you in any way (note also that myself and my service partner are also certified trainers so she doesn't even have that on us), chastise you and not be able to say ANYTHING. Just, "yes ma'am, so sorry"

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also making it even worse is that when you would do something "good" she would thank you or something like "that was really nice of you to make sure his table had been greeted" or  "thank you for using a guest connection card"

I'm like "listen bitch, I know how to do my job, and I don't need your damn verbal gold star for doing it. I don't give a flying fuck what you think and your praise makes me want to rip your face off.

Breathe. Breathe waitress.

For some further enjoyment, check out this post from one of my fave blogs, the gal who got fired from Capital Grille for blogging, about how Tiger Wood's mistresses would make horrible guests