Guests Say the Dumbest Things

Ring Ring

Waitress: Thank you for Calling the Italian Restaurant in City, this is Waitress, how can I help you?
Dumb Guest: Yes, I need to place an order to go
W: Okay, what would you like?
DG: I wanted to get your chicken sandwich with the mozzarella sticks
W: I'm sorry, we actually don't have sandwiches
DG: Really? You don't have a chicken sandwich with mozzarella sticks?
W: No, sorry
DG: Are you sure, cause I just saw a commercial for it today
W: Well, the item on our commercials right now are the crepes, one of them has chicken and it's in a white wine cream sauce. That would be what you'd see on TV.
DG: No, no, that's not it. So you don't have anything with mozzarella sticks?
W: Well we have mozzarella triangles that come as an appetizer, you could get them with chicken strips...?
DG: Hm, Well you kinda ruined my plan here, I'm gonna have to call you back
W: Oh, okay, sorry, bye
A few minutes later the phone rings
W: Thank you for calling the Italian Restaurant in City, this is Waitress, how can I help you?
DG: Hi, it's me again. Can I get chicken alfredo?
W: Oh, was that what you were trying to order before?
DG: No, I wanted chicken parmigiana but it sounds like you don't have anything like that
W: Oh, we have chicken parmigiana
DG: Well that's what I wanted!
W: I'm sorry I thought you said you wanted something that came with mozzarella sticks
DG: Yeah, chicken parmagiana!
W: Uh, okay....did you want soup or salad with that?
DG: Soup, and can I get alfredo on the pasta?

Sometimes I actually think people are joking when they do this. Or maybe it will turn out to be Jubal doing a phone tap on me. But people are really just clueless or not paying attention or dumb. This phone call the other day made me reflect back on some of the dumb things my guests have said, as well as reports I've gotten from other people on what their guests said or did. They really do say the darnedest dumbest things.

Waitress: Are we ready to order? What would you like sir?
Guest: Yeah, can I get the steak quesadilla?
Waitress: Um, this is an italian restaurant?

Waiter: What can I get for you ma'am?
Old lady: Can I get linguine with the marijuana sauce?
Whole table bursts out laughing

Guest: I want soup and salad, but I don't really want soup, can I get something else instead?
Waitress: Um, like what?
Guest: Like a pizza?
Waitress: No.

Guest: And I want an appetizer as my meal
Waitress: Did you want to add any soup or salad to that?
Guest: No, I will just eat some of their salad (which is served family style on a per-guest charge)
Waitress: So you want to do an add salad? It's $3 if you want to eat the salad
Guest: No, I don't want to pay for it, I just want to eat some of their salad
Waitress: Okay, then I have to bring a salad for two (there are two guests who ordered salad) and you can't have any refills
Guest: Okay, but can you make the salad extra big?
Waitress: No.

the check is dropped at a three top, a man in his 30's picks it up
Guest: (very rudely) well, do you have a pen or am I supposed to sign it in blood?
Waitress: Actually, I have to run your card first then I would be happy to bring you a pen to sign with
Guest: Oh. sorry.

Waitress: what would you like ma'am?
Guest: I want a bowl of soup and a half a sandwich
W: Do you mean soup and salad? We don't have sandwiches
Guest: Oh yes you do, I sat right over there the other day and had a bowl of soup and a half a sandwich!
W: Ma'am I've worked here for 4 years and in that time we have never had sandwiches.
Guest: Let me talk to your manager!

13 year old boy: So, do you get a lot of phone numbers working here?
Waitress: Uh, no not really. I think other people do sometimes, I never have
Boy: Oh, well, if someone gave you their phone number, would you call them?
Waitress: I don't think my boyfriend would like that very much
Boy: So if I gave you my number, would you call me?
Waitress: no.